dear Ballerina, why wouldn't you feel like this, because there is no one who can help, support or even talk to you, and that makes it a terrible lonely life.
When we have this feeling or have depression all our previous friends have changed, although I have a twin and we talk every week and his first question to me is 'how are you going', because he hasn't had to deal with depression, suicide, and drinking a lot while I was in depression, so he doesn't actually know what all of this means, but he is there for me if I need him, which I probably wouldn't contact him, as he has a job, family and lives 2 hours away.
I however am the black sheep of the family, and known this for many years, but now I am beyond worrying about this, so it doesn't upset me, I can however mingle in with them when I decide to do so.
People have a view that suicide is a selfish act, but are they there to offer any help or support, no, because it means a great deal to try and understand and usually they can't be bothered, because they have a round of golf to play and what's more important for them, golf.
Many of us on this site have tried suicide either once or multiple times, and I am sure that it wasn't selfish at all, we were in such deep depression that something small sparks us to try, we had enough of all the crap that was causing the depression.
Personally if other people wanted me to commit suicide, and it was said to me by one person, I wouldn't do it just to make them satisfied.
'Friendship' is such a one way affair, like someone can ask me to do something for them, which I do, but I ask them to help me then that's another story, so that ends my relationship with them.
I know exactly what you are saying, and I have been there, but as Nes has said it would be a good idea to see your doctor, because you can't do anything to improve yourself by being alone, and there are professionals out there who will be able to help you. I hope that you can reply to us. L Geoff. x
