Need some advice please

[vip]

Hi everyone listen need to get this problem off my chest here. I have recently lost 9 kilos and i have another 15 to go and honestly ive had a complete makeover since ive been off the medication the bloating look on my face has gone and people around me are noticing and saying Vanessa you look gorgeous whats happened how come you didnt look like this before. Its just a 360 with the way i dress makeup ect. Anyway i have had a bit of a delemma with guys making passes at me and all of a sudden coming up to me staring its just bazarre its happening at every place i go too. Im feeling reallym depressed believe it or not about it and i feel dirty and violated like what do they want and im so defensive saying straight out im married and i have a child and i have mental issues i dont want anyone to compliment or look at me or stare at me and i dont trust anyone . I actually have a cry when i get home . I know this all sounds so so silly but i hate being complimented and ive always been like that if it makes sense and sometimes wish when i was bigger with those tracky pants on and tshirts it was safe nobody even came  next to me . Ive really become protected and i protect myself from all this hurt. Can anyone relate to this or understand this ?  In some way i dont want to let go of the depression it actually protects me .

[Jo3]

Hey Nes,

Firstly can I say - congratulations on losing 9kg!!! That is amazing. And to have a complete make over with clothes and make up and hair - you must be so proud of yourself.  

I understand what you're saying about not wanting compliments.  I hate when people give me compliments.  I always never acknowledge it in a positive way always finding a negative to reply back with.  

I need to lose about 15kg and yes I am walking daily and trying to watch what I eat, but I know that the medication doesn't help.  

I know what you mean by hiding in your tracky pants and not wanting to let go of the depression.  I do that at times too.

But you have done and got through so much in your life, you are amazing.   Don't feel dirty or violated because of your hard work you look fantastic.

Keep doing what you're doing, take care

Jo xx

[vip]

Thanks for the encouragement Jo its tough being a woman its like damn if you do damn if you dont its all our crazy hormones that go into overdrive I will try and enjoy a compliment now and then.Yes keep up the walking too especially when on this medication it bloated me up so much but then my appetite was out of control. Take care to you too. x

[geoff]

dear Nes, yes well done and you must be feeling so much better, however I can relate to this, not that I looked at or admired, it's just that when somebody congratulates face to face I feel uncomfortable, and the reason I believe is because we have been going through depression for such a long period where we are frowned upon, looked at with daggers and there is never any compliment at all.

When this happens for say 20 odd years and then suddenly we are looked at in a complimentary way we do feel uncomfortable, it doesn't seem to be right, so all we want to do is run. L Geoff. x

[vip]

Thankyou for your encouragement Geoff its funny how depression messes with our minds and really alters our personalities yes being off the medication has made me feel completely different in my personality as well im a bit more out there rather than before very reserved and shy but yes i still think i will live the rest of my life being very cautious and having my guard up especially with what i have been through. I must say to you have been great on these forums your advice is always so uplifting and true well done . Take care x

[Neil_1]

Hi Nes

I'm apologising before I start, cause I'm starting out with a compliment ... 🙂   Congratulations to you for the weight loss you've achieved.  And you SHOULD be damn proud of yourself for completing that.

It's definitely not easy and it's a hard journey to go through ... and on top of that, dealing with depression.  Now, I know these are just words, and it's so much easier to write them, but if someone does come up to you and makes complimentary remarks or tries to make a pass, I'm wondering if you could say, "Gee thank you very much.  I'm also very happily married and have a gorgeous (boy or girl)", I don't think you mentioned which variety you have.  I know it's so much easier to write these words, but it's just a thought.

But later on, I would then try and make it into a massive positive.  Positive in that you are now in a better space (mentally and physically) and together with that, you are no doubt feeling better (fitter) than before and hopefully able to do more things.

I hope some of the above has made sense or even helped a little.

Cheers

Neil

[vip]

Hi Neil thankyou for your kind words I have a little boy who is 7 . Yes I am trying harder to accept a compliment but I do find I will compliment everyone around me so easily and when its my turn I actually cringe . The gym is the hardest place where its happening because its that setting where everyone is looking at each other I hope in time I feel a bit more posative about this . Hope you are doing well also. take care

[Mbuna]

Nes,

I know what the weight loss thing is like. My weight goes up and down like a yo-yo. I do know that when i am active and lose the weight my depression nearly disappears completely. So well done. There is nothing wrong with being shy and self conscious either. Try not to over analyze things. A compliment is exactly that. Especially if its coming from someone who has noticed the changes in you. They are probably trying to encourage you without understanding how it makes you feel.

[vip]

Yes thankyou Mbuna over analysing is definately something i do i will really try hard to accept a compliment . Yes im hoping to lose all my weight in summer now otherwise once winter arrives its definately harder hope you are doing well also, Take care