Need help coping while working away from family for an extended time

[onedad]

Hi everyone

I am currently in the middle east, away from everyone/thing i know and love. Working 6 days a week on a project in this part of the world i am finding myself feeling so along and missing my 3 year old boy and wife to the point i break down and cry most nights when im alone. I usually try to stay up till 11pm here to catch them in their morning routine.and for those 5.5 hours after work i usually walk somewhere with some work colleges grab a bite to eat and return to the hotel. i try to work out a bit to help pass tim and release some natural endorphins...

Nothing is working currently... i have only been here 5 days and have another 33 to go.. i have little to no support, and really need some help to cope

Thanks

[Croix]

Dear onedad~

Having a family to love, and have that love returned can be a major part of life for many, I'm one of those as I guess are you.

May I suggest two things? The first is to fill in the time until you see them in their morning routine you try to find somethng you enjoy that is challenging and distracting. What are the thngs you enjoy? Reading? Building Models? citizen Science? ... I'm guessing, you would know better.

One thing, you are in the midst of a very different culture, and that in itself may lead down interesting avenues from language to archeology.

The other thing is Skype or similar which I am guessing you are using at the moment is fine for real-time contact, but it ends each day leaving nothing.

Do you think if you and your family wrote each other letters, electronic or paper that you would spend time writing them, reading them and answering them. It might give you a chance to reflect on matters that might get missed in watching the hurley-burly of a morning routine. A greater understanding between you and your partner for instance.

33 days may seem an eternity, however if you can fill them they will pass quicker

Croix

[Alana_H]

Hi onedad,

Thanks for posting, it sounds like you are in a really tough situation right now and it's great that you've reached out to this forum. I'm a parent too so I definitely understand how painful it can be to be seperate from your family, although it sounds like your situation sounds really rough. You sound like you are really involved with your little boy and thats something to be proud of, although it's hard to be away from him remember that he'll still be there when you get home and you can tell him about all of "dad's adventures".

Criox's suggestions of distracting yourself are definitely great, especially given it's a time limited situation, I wonder if there are any expat groups you could meet up with? Another strategy could be to work on mindfulness, this is about training your mind to not fixate on thought that are bringing you pain, by that I don't mean not thinking about your family, it's about controlling whether you think about them to give you comfort or pain. You can download the Smiling Minds App https://www.smilingmind.com.au/ and schedule it in in those times that you know will be hardest for you.

A final suggestion, and this is purely form experience of when I've been away from kids, is to work on a project for your son. It could be taking a picture each time you go for your walks and turning it into a little story book on your computer, you can give him when you get home. Or trying to find a little figurine or trinket each day so when you get home he'll have a whole new play set. Or whatever really. These things might not be for you but I found that by "making something" out of the time away I still felt like I was doing things (in addition to working) for my kids.

Also feel free to just jump on here for a chat or to let us know how your going.

Alana_H