Is this a normal part of depression?

[learningtosmileagain]

I've been dealing with GAD and health anxiety for about 12 years, (I'm a 21 year old male). As a 9 year old, I would make my parents take me to the doctor at least once a week to confirm that I didn't have meningococcal, and throughout my teen years I was convinced that I had three different types of cancer, HIV, and Lyme disease. I generally do a good job of seeking help, I see a psychologist once a fortnight and I regularly talk to my family about my mental health. I am more anxious than depressed most of the time.

I've had periods of depression throughout my life, but I would never say that I've experienced it to the extent that other people have. I'm wondering if depression is what I'm experiencing now, and hoping that someone on here can reassure me that what I'm feeling is a normal part of depression.

I usually have a pretty easy time describing how I feel, and discussing my feelings with people. However, lately, I don't feel as able to do this. I feel this overwhelming sense of numbness, lack of interest in people and things that I usually care about, and a sense of impending doom. I feel like sleeping all day, I don't want to be around anybody and don't feel like things will ever get better.

I don't feel like I am able to articulate how I feel to people, there are no really strong emotions, it just feels like an internal pit of emptiness. I don't know how to describe it any better than that. I wonder if this is depression, I feel a little bit sad, but more than anything I just feel hopeless/helpless, like I don't care about anything anymore, and that my quality of life will never improve.

Has anyone ever experienced this, do you think it is depression? If so, do you have any tips on feeling better? Any responses are valued, I just don't really have anyone that can relate to me in terms of dealing with depression and anxiety, so I thought I would try to get some responses on this forum.

Thank you, and to anyone reading this that feels similar or has experienced anxiety, I hope you feel better soon and know that you have a friend in me.

[Here_I_am]

Hi learningtosmileagain,

It sounds like a very underwhelming experience to have these extra things going on that impact you on top of what you already experience with your GAD.

I am no doctor, but even a casual google search of symptamology of depression would reveal many of the things you describe. One of the things about depression that is contrary to its namesake is that it is not about being sad or emotional - it is often this numbness you describe; emptiness or disconnectedness, apathy, and a complete lack of interest in/shutting down of the outside world.

You mention you seek therapist input fortnightly, and I want to encourage you to raise these new feelings (or lack of) with your therapist as they are the best placed professional in your life to give you some definitive feedback on what is likely going on for you.

When I have done some study on anxiety and depression, I have always been surprised by how closely these conditions are in relation to trauma also. When experiencing trauma, especially over an extended period of time, we can quite readily experience anxiety and depression as a result; the question becomes whether or not the anxiety/depression is a condition separate to the trauma, or resultant from it. Remove the trauma, remove the anxiety/depression?

It's unlikely to be that simple, but is their other aspects going on for you that would fit a trauma condition that may be attributable to the newer feelings?

Hope you find some clarity soon.

[sparrowhawk]

Hi there. I am so sorry you have been through and are currently experiencing such difficulties. It is great that you are getting professional help and have people around to talk to.

I think depression affects each person differently, but there tend to be common symptoms of apathy, lack of interest in doing normally enjoyable activities, isolation, and a sense of hopelessness or worthlessness. Based on what you have said it does sound like you are going through some depression, but I am not a medical professional. Do you feel like you could trust your psychologist enough to talk to them about this, if you haven't already?

The emptiness is something I and many people on this forum relate to. It can be a very troubling, flattening feeling. Depression is more than just being sad.

I honestly recommend you do talk to someone you can trust about this. Try not to worry about articulating things the right way, or about people not understanding. The truth is that depressive feelings are often too deep to describe adequately, and even the most well-intentioned and caring person will not be able to understand you completely because they are not you. In the meantime, listen to yourself and to your body. Take the time and space you may need to care for yourself.