Need coping strategies - help

[Shnook]

Today I am suffering my worst bout of depression that I have ever experienced in my whole life and I don't know how to cope.

i have an appointment to go to in half an hour but I can't get out of bed. I rang and tried to reschedule but another appointment was not available. I'm afraid to go out because I feel like if someone even looks at me the wrong way I will break down and cry. 

I don't have any strategies to help me get through days like these. Normally I would just hide under the covers but the more I do that the more it will impact on my kids and my overall ability to deal with my depression.

How does everybody else deal with days like these? What do you do to get through? I'm so foggy from my depression I just can't even think of ways to help myself because quite frankly I don't want to help myself today. 

[TheSteve]

Hi Shnook,

I'm really sorry about how you feel. On the few occasions I have felt that way in the past, looking back I found that there were two goals I set out to achieve while in that particular state:

1) Finding out why, on this particular day, I felt the way I did.

2) Pro-actively pulling myself out of the current physical and mental state.

On 1), this involved a complete stocktake of the following items:

- Had I taken any medications, either prescription or over the counter, in the prior days/nights leading up to this? If so, what? If I had taken one or more medications, did they have contraindications, and/or was mood alteration a side effect?

- Was I going through a tough time? Why? Was it my fault, or did it just happen?

- Had I slept right? Was I exhausted or well rested?

- Was anxiety troubling me? If so, for how long leading up to this?

- Were my hormones OK, or did I eat/take something that would throw them out of whack?

- Was it allergy season? Had I been eating foods I was allergic to?

- Was I breathing correctly? Was my mind racing on negative thoughts?

- Was it a bad time of the month (mostly for women, not so much men on this one)?

Leave. No. Stone. Unturned. There is always a reason, always.

On 2), I needed to develop an arsenal to pull myself out of the immediate funk. Some things I did:

- Force myself to get out in the sunshine, if it were a sunny day

- Probably the best method, force myself to smile for as long as it took. In addition, force myself to develop a belly laugh for about 20 - 30 mins, by watching some funny TV or thinking about something hilarious. Seriously, this can alter your brain chemistry in minutes, I am not joking.

- Accept the state and acknowledge that it will pass. But, acknowledge that I have some control over moving past it. Acceptance is easier if you are depressed in the morning, as there are true chemical reasons as to why we feel this way moreso when we get up as opposed to later in the day.

- Do yoga, or some light exercise

- Conduct some breathing exercises that oxygenate your body (see Dr Weil's methods for some clues here)

- Jump on Beyond Blue and realise that you are not alone!

- Carry around in my wallet or briefcase noes such as these, with coping techniques or key facts that have made an impact on you, and read them.

These are some ways, I hope they help. Come back and chat anytime. All the best.

Steve

[Shnook]

Hi Steve,

Your advice is absolutely gold, thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post.

Sometimes the simplest solutions are hard to find in the fog. 

I am going to type up your advice now, print it out and keep it with me at all times.

After that I am going to sit down and watch a funny movie!

Thank you so much again - your advice has helped me more than you could imagine

Shnook.

[AGrace]

Hi Shnook,

I hope you managed to make it to your appointment. I recall when I was in hospital I used to dread the hour of my Psychiatrist session. I always used to go for a cigarette in the hope that if I wasn't around I could be skipped...it never worked, they always found me puffing away in avoidance!!

Steve has given you a number of strategies, and I'm happy to add to the list, but I'm guessing this will be for next time. I will say however, it's better to practice your coping strategies regularly not just when you hit crisis point. That way when you hit bottom you are really well versed in what you can do to help soothe/motivate yourself. For me it's the following:

• 1. Guided muscle relaxation, I like to use a Youtube clip called 8 minutes to calm. Usually when I'm in a state of panic I don't have long before I need to walk out the door, so I can do this in 8 minutes.
• 2. Mindfulness, google this. As you build your ability to do it, you can do it whenever wherever. If I have to do it away from home I usually do mindfulness with a mint (so I keep mints in my pocket/bag)
• 3. Use a consequence reward technique. My Psychiatrist laughed at me this morning when I told her that in order to get out of bed on Monday I told myself I couldn't go to the bathroom until I had a shower, I followed this with if I go and do something (shopping in the city) then I can have some chocolate when I get home. The consequences and rewards reiterate the action.
• 4. Put on some good music and start by singing, then get out of bed and dance your feet off for 5 minutes. (I have my tablet near my bed so I can put on music as soon as I wake up)
• 5. Don't check the letterbox until the following morning. I wake up knowing that I want to check for letters that I didn't check for the day before. Just getting out into the fresh air to walk to the letterbox seems to wake me up.

If you want some more strategies there are a couple of other threads you can look at:

Finding Motivation. By AGrace

Finding joy when times are dark. By Stitch

(You can enter these headings into the search function to find the threads)

What will you do tomorrow morning?

AGrace

[Shnook]

Hi AGrace,

Your advice regarding strategies is extremely helpful - thank you!

After reading your post last night, I completed the 8 minutes of calm right before going to sleep and couldn't believe how quickly it relaxed me! I never knew the skin on the back of my neck could hold tension until it was brought to my attention!

i have heard of mindfulness and plan on googling it today.

i have woken this morning with a renewed sense of determination knowing that I have some tools in my back pocket, thanks to you and Steve. I am glad that I reached out yesterday and that my plea was answered. 

shnook

[TheSteve]

Good to hear Shnook. I'm glad these two posts are helpful to you. There is some good, simple, common sense advice here that you will find will help both in the short and long-term.

We are here for you anytime. Good luck and please be in touch.

Steve

[geoff]

dear Shnook, the suggestions by Steve and Amber are inspirational for you to use, but there seems to be a common reason why we tend to avoid seeing our psych and it has happened to me more times than I can count, and I got on very well with my psychologist, maybe it's because they may say something to us that we aren't ready to accept, or perhaps it could be that they can see an improvement in us, but unfortunately we can't see that, or worst of all saying that they don't want to see us again, which is really heart wrenching.

What I do remember is that when I didn't want to get out of bed, I knew that I had to feed my puppie, who was more important than I was, but also that depression was obviously the base to our depression, but every time I worried about something different each time, and you do have to also remember that our thoughts have a bottomless pit, as well as there is no ceiling as to how high these negative thoughts can go. L Geoff. x