Need advice please ..

[Smith795]

So I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression a few years ago and since have have on and off antidepressants. At the start of the year I felt like I was finally ready to come off tablets and have been doing well until recently.

i don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore but I feel like I’m lost everyday and have nothing positive to say. I have no motivation to get up in the mornings. I have recently gone through some difficult times in my life and I’m not sure if it’s just normal to feel like this or if it is depression?

I moved from England to Australia and have since been struggling with money and a career path. My dad passed away three months ago from a long battle of cancer. I feel guilty and angry every day for being here. I couldn’t afford to come home for the funeral. I have missed my sister giving birth, my brother getting married and being there for my mum to be here.

I feel so angry towards life and it’s affecting my relationship and everyday life. I either feel crazy, emotional and generally just numb.

My behaviour is also massively effecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I don’t have a sex drive and tbh I haven’t had one for years. Being intimate is the last thing on my mind.

I feel myself slipping back into a hole and everyday is now a struggle. I don’t want to go back on to medication because I want to feel free from depression but also they helped me before will they help me now ?

Just after some advice please, do I go speak to a GP? Do I go back on medication ? Am I even depressed or is this just grieving ?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Smith795,
We are sorry to hear that your journey has been such a difficult one. Please know that you are not alone in this and there is a lot of support out there. Thank you for reaching out.

It sounds like contacting a GP could be a good next step. They should be able to help you find answers to some of your questions. 

In the meantime we’d suggest you get in touch with one of the professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service. We can be reached 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or on email and Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) through our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport 
 

[Andoson72]

Hi Smith795,

Sorry to read about your pain, i totally understand where you are coming from, i too have battled this beast for way too long, i have suffered for 20 years, so sorry to tell you this, i have still managed over this time but find the beast gets stronger, i too am off medications and reluctant to go through that hell again.

I have just posted which hopefully you can read about the guilt, shame and fear i feel everyday even though i am able to self question my thinking and neutralise a lot of my self defeating talk.

GP's not all but most don't really understand they are like the general population or 4 out of 5 people who never have to battle their thoughts and feelings everyday to the point of exhaustion, but it might be worth going to your GP for a referral to psychologist or psychiatrist, some people respond to talk therapy this may help you.

If you want treatment options apart from meds, a psychiatrist can tell you what he thinks, so that is another option, however both are expensive and with money worries this may make things worse.

Maybe try and accept this affliction is with you for the time being and accept it to maybe just maybe reduce the impact a little and not be so hard on yourself. I have tried nearly everything, i am smart and tried diet, exersize meds, no meds, other treatments, natural stuff, talk therapy you name it but nothing has subdued this thinking and total body draining disease from re-emerging time and time again.

Possibly trying to get some help financially and going back to your support network at home may help only by doing this will you truly know.

I am not much help here for you but just want you to know that you are by far not alone and just remember to accept that if you feel lazy and feel shit and want to sleep or eat shit just do it, comfort yourself in what ever way you can without harming yourself further through drugs and alcohol of course which is given.

I am told to try visualistion which i have done, but to me if visualisation truly worked to manifest things into our reality wouldn't we all be rich and health, wouldn't sporting teams with endless dollars at their disposal all hire visualisation experts to win premierships and gold medals, if it worked everyone would have a different life, how is that just negative manifestation just seems to work what bullshit.

My final word is Just hang in there, here's to hoping that it may just leave us someday so we can live to our potential.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Smith795,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad.That is so sad. And yeah, to have missed his funeral would be heart-wrenching. And given that you have also missed the other significant events you mentioned, well yeah, it certainly sounds like a whole lot of grief to me. Grief is such a heavy emotion to deal with too, because it brings with it every other emotion; anger, confusion, betrayal, sadness ..... all of them come along for the ride.

I agree with Sophie_M though too; getting in touch with your GP might be quite helpful. I'd like to ask too that when you came off your tablets at the start of the year, was that with, or without medical/professional advice to do so? Because sometimes we can be our own worst enemies by making decisions that are not fully informed ones.

In the meantime, you can come back here to this thread as much as you like. Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo