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My world is falling apart

Ms-B
Community Member

Hi I am new here. I have major depressive disorder amongst many other mental health issues and have been suffering on and off for most of my adult life. I am 40 now. I do understand the root of the majority of my mh issues are from complex trauma. I have been through some horrific things, not sure how I survived to be honest. 
Logically I know that things can get better because I worked really hard on my mh in my 20s and as a result I got better. 
But I had a lot of significant things happen a few years ago and my life has fallen apart again, this time much much worse than before. 
i live in a very dark world. My head is constantly switched on and does not stop. It is relentless. It feels like torture the things that I have to try and manage on a daily basis. 

I think that is enough. 
thanks for reading 

11 Replies 11

Ms-B
Community Member

Hi ER, thanks for your replies, greatly appreciated. 
I do make use of helplines. I prefer to use chats, I’m not good on the phone- I hate talking on the phone. They are so limited though. 
My team use to be so much better. I’ve had some issues with my case manager and she has just really slacked off. She use to be so good. Calling frequently, doing visits. Now it’s next to nothing. 

I do a variety of paintings. Flowers, portraits. I’ve always enjoyed painting, all through school. Sometimes I don’t have much creativity happening and I’ll just pick up a paint by numbers. Lets me paint but not have to think too much. 
started a new Lego set today. 
I also like doing puzzles. 

what do you like to photograph??  I use to enjoy photographing my daughter in clothes that I made her. She doesn’t like the clothes now and isn’t keen on having her photo taken either! 

 

Eagle Ray
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Ms-B,

 

 I understand about talking on the phone. It can be quite hard to do, especially if already feeling a lot of stuff going on you’re trying to process. It’s good you get some help from webchat, though I know it can be a bit limited and only cover so much.

 

It’s great to have the painting. I think even doing something rote by numbers can help at times, like you say, not have to think much. It’s just nice to have those things, such as the Lego too, to focus on and create something.

 

My favourite things to photograph are wildlife/animals/birds/nature and landscapes. But I’m interested in other photography too, even things like street scenes or images of people that tell a story. I’ve tried some things before like light painting, where you do a long exposure at night in a cool setting and then use lights to create movement that then creates a picture. If you google light painting you can see examples of what people do. I haven’t done it much. I was trying to photograph the night sky at one stage too and would like to do more of that.

 

It’s lovely you made clothes for your daughter. I think they can get to a self conscious age where they don’t like to have their photo taken. I’ve never been much good at sewing so I admire when people can create clothing items.

 

 I hope you have a good week ahead.