My partner is suffering I need advice please

[Josephine77]

My partner has told me he has been struggling mentally for a while and disclosed some concerning things which I talked to him about what he could do to get help. He doesn’t want to have me around to put me through everything he is goi g through. He wants space to sort himself out and get his financial situation sorted. His conclusion is we live apart for him to do this

I understand the space but I don’t understand me having to live elsewhere it really hurts

how does this help him financially and how does this help him by being alone

he wants us to stay exclusive and does t want to lose me out of his life

I took

us elf away for the last week and a half to give him time alone and for myself too

he has been in contact and wants to know details about how my holiday is etc

i go back today and I just don’t know how to go through this r what to discuss when I’m back

i Need someone to talk to

j

[Josephine77]

I’ve gone to my parents and I feel bad because I’m upset and not talkative as I’m not really having space to grieve

it’s really hard ans now I have two hour day commute for work

he Is feeling bad and keeps telling me he loves me and said I could still store things at the unit

he says he hopes to get things sorted as soon as he can etc and keeps telling how much I’m doing this for him and he appreciates it

lost my dog in March now my family it’s really tough but obviously I hope he gets better

[Here2Talk]

It would be very difficult for you Josephine. Like some others that have posted above, I feel it's a bit too much to expect someone to move out while you "get better". To be physically separated from someone after you have lived together would create a kind of pain in your loved one. Clearly that is happening to you. He understands that is causing pain so at least he is not oblivious to how this is affecting you. But then again I guess like how long is this going to go on? Some people get over things quickly, others take a long time... In the end you are the judge..

No you wouldn't have space to grieve - he has kicked you out of your "space" (well, you two came to an agreement on the issue anyway). I feel like I wouldn't have asked someone to move out of my place.. So you've moved in with your parents? You have a right to be upset dear Josephine. Sorry you lost your doggie. That would be really tough.

[Lillylane]

Big hugs Josephine! I’m sorry to hear you’ve lost your beloved dog. You’ve had so much heartache.

Lillylane

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Josephine,

This must be very hard on you. Not having space to grieve (both from your relationship, and the loss of your dog), and also have to commute 2 hours each day for work, all in the hopes that your partner will be able to sort himself out without your presence in the space that you once used to share with him. I'm really sorry to hear that :(. I hope things will turn out better for you soon Josephine...

Jt

[Josephine77]

Hi jt

so since I left he is contacting me to say hello and chat to me I hope this is a good sign.

im also receiving counselling myself through work as they are trying give me support

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Josephine,

Thank you for letting us know how are you going as there is quite a few people here (including me) who care about what’s happening with you.

You are going through tremendous changes and sacrificing a lot for him to get back in the track. I know you have been communicating well and this came as a mutual agreement.
but what is he doing to try to sort his problems out? You have agreed to a lot of things to help him out. What about his input? Has he started seeing a Counsellor or undergoing a therapy?

Take care there.

[Josephine77]

Thank you for being here for me all that have replied. I have good and bad moments. He is keeping in touch a lot and asking about how I am and my dad and he maybe unwell we are awaiting test results. It’s just all so much to take in. I miss the dog too it’s just all so horrible I feel like I’ve been punished like a person who gets kicked out after doing wrong to their partner even tho we know I’m not at fault and it’s out of my control. I’ve given up a lot overnight and I hope there is a good outcome. I have to give myself self care now and continue to work out a strategy to cope with living with family . I’m very appreciative I have family to go to.

I hope you all are well too.

[Josephine77]

So he is keeping in contact like he promised I just find it difficult because well I’m hurting

he will even send me good morning messages and it been him do all the contact first since

I just don’t know how to act atm

any advice

I’m not trying to be distant with him but I find it hard

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Josephine,

I'm really sorry to hear about how you're feeling at the moment. While the separation might seem temporary, but it's still a break up. His constant (and self-initiation) of messages to you might make you feel confused and hurt, and you're afraid of hurting him if you voice out your needs. It is very strong and brave of you to be putting up with this.

Please remember to take care of yourself first, and don't be afraid to voice out to him if you need some space for yourself. I feel, he could use the space himself as well, which will give him more time and focus to work on his own problems (which he initially requested for anyways). Requesting for your own space is not an act of selfishness, but an act of self-love. Show yourself some self-love Josephine. You've done a lot of sacrifices for his needs, and it's now time to do things for yourself. Your ex will be fine on his own.

Take care, and happy to chat more to you too Josephine.

Jt

[Josephine77]

Yes I am very brave I don’t know how I’m doing it to be honest it’s with a heavy heart

he did tell me he didn’t want to be distant and he has kept his word so far.

I honestly only get back to him when he contacts because he asked for space so I gave it.
I will take myself to the hairdressers tomorrow for some self love