My partner is suffering I need advice please

[Josephine77]

My partner has told me he has been struggling mentally for a while and disclosed some concerning things which I talked to him about what he could do to get help. He doesn’t want to have me around to put me through everything he is goi g through. He wants space to sort himself out and get his financial situation sorted. His conclusion is we live apart for him to do this

I understand the space but I don’t understand me having to live elsewhere it really hurts

how does this help him financially and how does this help him by being alone

he wants us to stay exclusive and does t want to lose me out of his life

I took

us elf away for the last week and a half to give him time alone and for myself too

he has been in contact and wants to know details about how my holiday is etc

i go back today and I just don’t know how to go through this r what to discuss when I’m back

i Need someone to talk to

j

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Josephine,

It's great to hear that he's still affectionate towards you, and that he was proactive in contacting you while you were away. It shows that there's still feelings between you two, and I hope this keeps up for the both of you. The situation might feel awkward as you try to understand and learn how to approach him, but you're doing great by taking it slowly.

A person's feelings who's struggling mentally may change from day to day; from the way they feel about themselves, and the people around them, and anything else. This can cause them to act differently from time to time as well. You could let him know that you noticed some of your belongings are missing in the house, and that you're worried about him. Remind him that you're always ready to listen if there's anything he'd like to talk to you about. Word your question in a way that sounds like you've noticed something has changed, and that you're worried about his wellbeing, and if it helps he can always reach out to you and talk to you about it.

Hope that helps, Josephine. Let us know how you go. Happy to chat more as well.

Jt

[Josephine77]

Thank you

[Josephine77]

It is difficult to understand why he moved these things however I know not to ask in a confronting way or be angry about it rather be understanding towards him

[Josephine77]

I haven’t even brought this up

he put them back and I’m just going to leave it as is 😊

[Josephine77]

I’m confused

he was excited to see me after I went away he was affectionate and intimate as we went to bed together then cuddled it was great

today He was moody in the morning and no kiss bye and then he actually cooked dinner tonight

no kiss good night

what do I ask him about this?

[Here2Talk]

Hi Josephine,

sorry to hear of your distress. How long have you been together, and did you suspect his mental state/did you have problems before this?

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Josephine77,

I am sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Must be heart breaking to watch your loved one going through such hard time and him acting lovingly and avoidant at the same time - you seem to feel confused, and no wonder.

I believe you mentioned you’d advised him to reach out and get some help. How did that go for him?

As others have said already: please don’t forget about self care.

Take care there.

[Josephine77]

I don’t know if he has reached out yet

I just di t understand why this is happening the hot cold behaviour

he clearly missed my absence whilst away and showed that the day I returned

he cooked dinner for the first times in a few years ( usually me because I love to cook) would let me help him clean up

but then cold no kiss good night whereas the night I returned he made a point of us going to bed at the same time

I’m lost

[Josephine77]

He makes me coffee in the morning still but just no affection when he left

seeing how he lost weight whilst I was gone too breaks my heart

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Josephine,

I feel your ex is still struggling with himself. When someone struggles mentally, they are unable to love themselves, and starts to doubt their ability to be your partner. That can result in the reduced affection, or display of love. It can definitely send off weird signals to you, and you'd find them confusing and unsure of how to process them. Sometimes it may feel personal, thinking if you had done something wrong. But the way they think and feel about themselves can change from day to day, and they're usually burden by the thought of them being the problem, and not you.

Caring for someone who's struggling mentally will take time. Let them know that you're here for them, and be ready to listen if they feel like chatting to you. You can let them know that you're worried for them, and if they have reached out to the people whom you've spoken about, or a GP for a mental health plan. If it comes to a point where you feel your mental health is deteriorating as well, please look after yourself too.

Jt