My loneliness is making me feel genuinely depressed and almost ill.

TheChosenOne_4883 · ‎23-06-2016

I'm a 19 year old male, by the way.

I had quite a few friends in high school, and one or two that I'd even call 'best' friends. We saw each other heaps and got along so well. But now we've all gone our different paths and don't see each other anymore, and so I started at a university in March with a four month pathways course. I was pessimistic going in, thinking that nobody would be interested in me or want to be my friend, but to my genuine surprise I was wrong, and within a few days I had several friends (all female, which was weird for me).

One girl in particular I became quite close with. She was somewhat quiet and introverted like me, and we shared many of the same interests (video games, anime, etc). She lived near me so I picked her up and dropped her off from her house every day when we went to the train station to go to uni. We quickly became really good friends and saw each other pretty much every day. You have no idea how good this made me feel about myself, and it snapped me out of the depression and insecurity that I'd had for a couple of years. I finally felt like somebody (of the opposite sex) was interested in me and cared about me and was happy talking to me every day. I've never had a girlfriend so that's another reason this made me feel like my life was back on tracks.

But sadly and inevitably the four month course came to an end, and that was today. When I dropped my friend off at her house and gave one last look at her before driving away I knew I'd probably never see her again (since she has a very busy social life outside of university, and she never showed much interest in going out with me outside of school). Words can't even really describe how utterly alone I felt then (and still feel now as I write this). It may sound extreme and stupid, but seeing her and being with her and talking with her every day made me feel like I had value to someone's life and that I wasn't worthless and that my life could finally become good.

But all that's over now.

In my emotional state I wrote a message to her on Facebook telling her how much I appreciated her friendship because I thought I wouldn't make any friends, and how I'd miss her, but that was an hour ago and she hasn't replied (even though she's online and has seen my message).

I just feel... horrible. Like, I haven't felt this alone and depressed and hurt for a really long time (maybe never). All the progress of these past four months are gone... like they never even happened.

white knight · ‎24-06-2016

Hi ,welcome

You are anxious. Just because she was online doesn't mean she was at her computer or ready to answer fb messages. Give her a little time.

Aldo, chasing old friends is worthwhile and that us your choice to. Its great fun catching up. I just this week met up with a school friend I went to school with 47 years ago. And these old friendships are somewhat special.

You seem a little down at the moment. A GP visit might be worthwhile.

An indoors hobby can be really beneficial to you to divert your worries.

Tony WK

Zeal · ‎24-06-2016

Hi The Chosen One,

Welcome to the forum!

I am a 23 year old female, and like you, I have struggled with my mental health (and still do). It seems as though leaving school left you feeling overwhelmed and confused about your life (correct me if I'm wrong). I felt this way after high school and for years afterwards. I have now found my way. It's great that you are already into your post-school study and made new friends in the pathway course. I understand how hard it can be to maintain friendships at uni and other places of study. The friends I have at uni are not people I spend time with off-campus.

This girl you formed a close friendship with may feel a similar way to you, but not know how to express her wish to maintain the friendship. Some people just struggle to communicate their feelings. Hopefully she has now responded to your message. It's easy to jump to conclusions about why people do or don't do things, but there are many potential reasons for her not responding quickly. Maybe she was trying to find the right words to say - some people like to think for a while about what they say, or might struggle to put their feelings into words. It's possible she saw the message while she was in the middle of doing something, and planned to respond when she had free time.

I personally think it's great that you messaged her on facebook. It sounds as though the message was sweet and sincere. Feeling like you had more self-value and more confidence as a result of spending time with this girl is not stupid at all. In fact, it's awesome. People who make you feel like that are definitely who you should keep spending time with. It's possible she felt a similar way about you.

It would be great to hear back from you about whether she responded 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

OhmeOhmy · ‎24-06-2016

It seems like you are feeling isolated not that your study has finished and you are missing your friend. I can relate to this. I have met some lovely people through courses/study I've done and I miss them when it's over. I try and keep up ,my studies and find now that it keeps me out there in the social world and I'm learning new skills at the same time. I am always looking for the next course I can do, even community based courses are great. Sharing a learning experience with people opens a door to get to know them and one day you will make friends that stay in your like when the study ends.

I wish you well and am so glad you posted and are able to express yourself so well. Don't give up, you sound like a friend worth having.

TheChosenOne_4883 · ‎24-06-2016

Thank you all for the kind answers. I should add that a few hours after I might my original post, my friend actually did reply to my Facebook message, and her reply was friendly and kind, and it made me feel a lot better (though I'm still feeling kind of sad and down). The next month will probably be a bit difficult for me, since the next intake for studies is in August (which I'm applying for) and I don't really have any social life outside of school nor do I have at a job (though I am looking for one). It's usually in these times of being by myself and not having much to do that I feel the most depressed, since all I'm left with is my thoughts. I'm happiest when I'm distracted from thinking about my life. Still, I'll try my best to be optimistic about the future.

Zeal · ‎24-06-2016

Hi again 🙂

I'm happy to hear that your friend replied positively. I had a good feeling she would, as the way you described your friendship and the message content made this make sense.

If you don't mind me asking, what course of study are you applying for? To distract yourself, could you spend more time with family, whether this is with your parents, a sibling, cousins etc.?

I just realised I have some important questions I forgot to ask! Have you been diagnosed with depression by a doctor? Seeing your GP is a good idea, especially if the depressive symptoms are frequent and causing you any form of distress.

You can definitely be optimistic about your future, as you're only 19 and you have many years ahead to explore new options. Everyone makes some mistakes along the way. I don't think I know anyone who hasn't made mistakes or experienced setbacks or failures, to be honest.

The beauty of facebook chat is that it's free, instant and easy to use. You could talk to your good friend on facebook chat sometimes. Maybe you two will have some great conversations and decide you want to continue talking in-person 🙂

All the best,

SM

TheChosenOne_4883 · ‎25-06-2016

I'm applying for a business course (with a major in economics), and also a secondary teaching course. I'm not sure which I'd rather study if given the choice of only one, at the moment.

I haven't seen any professionals about how I feel, mostly because for a long time I wasn't even sure that I did have depression; I always just passed it off as me feeling sad because of something or another, but recently it's become more apparent that it's more than that, since I've started experiencing more symptoms, like complete loss of appetite, losing all taste of the things I eat, extreme tiredness for no good reason, a strong lack of motivation to do anything, etc, on top of me generally just feeling sad about things. To be honest I'm not sure if I should go to a doctor or not, since I don't know how they could help much.

The only person I've actually confided in that I have depression (or might have it) is this friend I've been talking about, since she was the only good friend I saw regularly and also because she herself suffered from depression (and still suffers from strong anxiety). She was very understanding of what I said and I was glad I finally told someone, although unfortunately this was on the second last day of uni, so we never really talked about it any more.

Thank you for your support, though. I'll just have to put up with the month of doing nothing (July) and then work really hard at meeting new people and making friends in my new course. I do believe that if I get some new friends (or even if just one good one, like this other girl) I'll feel a lot better, since I'll have other things to think about and occupy my time with rather than my own depressing and pessimistic thoughts.