My life is "good" but I'm not happy.

[Griffyn]

Hi all. I'll start by saying that by most peoples standards my life is good. I own my house, I have a fiance, I have friends and family who i reguarly catch up with, I have stable job in which I am respected and treated well, I have as much money as I need to do things that I want to do without really doing any budgeting.

Despite all this, I'm not happy. In fact I'm miserable. Previously I would expect 4- 8 months a year of feeling bad, this was standard for years but the last 2 years I have only really felt good for days at a time. I'm nearly always tired, I have next to no energy for doing the things I enjoy let alone all the life maintenance stuff I have to do. It just feels like all I do is eat, sleep, work and on the weekends, pass the time until I have to go to work again. Honestly life just feels like a huge waste of time and effort. I don't see the point of spending the next 40-50 years working just to retire, maybe do a bit of travelling and then die. All that time and effort for nothing.

I know the script at this point is to tell me to reframe my perspective or practice gratitude but it doesn't make any sense to me to change my mind, to lower my expectations just so I can live out my boring regular life. I want to do something extraordinary, I want to be someone who really matters, not to other people, but to myself. The issue of course is that I'm not extraordinary. I'm just a regular person who is going to live a regular life like all the other regular people.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm writing this because I know I won't find the magical solution to all my problems here but a small part of me hopes that I will. I've tried talking to several psycologists but they can't tell me anything that I don't already know. I don't think SSRIs would benefit me because I don't think I have issues with regulating seratonin. I just don't know what to do, I don't know what to try next. I feel like I'm going to be miserable and dissatisfied for the rest of my life and my only options are to find a way to deal with it or KMS.

[Picture]

Could part of it be looking at what really interests you and what you really want to be in terms of career/life. Then work backwards and plan how to get there. I have seen some people use property/follow the FIRE method to financial freedom which gives more choices in life but requires short term sacrifice. It seems to me that you may be lacking meaning and purpose so finding out what could give you meaning and purpose is important.

[therising]

Hi Griffyn

Being somewhat of a mind/body/soul kinda gal, I use the word 'soul' for lack of a better word (for those who aren't into all that soulful or 'woo woo' kind of stuff😁). Call it what you will but it involves that which is not purely mentally related or purely physically related to some of the greater challenges in life. With that out of the way, that groundhog day scenario can definitely feel soul destroying and deeply depressing at times. While we can be grateful for everything we have, sometimes gratitude just isn't enough to stop the feeling that something is seriously missing in our life, something that absolutely fuels the soul. 

Having faced depression in the past, both long term (from late teens to mid 30s) and episodic depression since then, I finally reached the conclusion there's nothing 'wrong' with me, I can simply feel what's depressing. What that is isn't always obvious at first. From my experience, I can feel a depressing level of B12 deficiency and the depressing effects of sleep apnea (physical causes). I can feel the depressing impact of wrong or outdated belief systems I can be carrying, as well as depressing inner dialogue (mental causes). Then there's basically what can feel soul destroying, which can include a depressing lack of a lot of the things that can bring me to life. So when you talk about sensing physical chemistry in a SSRI not necessarily being of benefit and sensing a change in certain mental programs not making all that much of a difference regarding perspective, this leaves only one area. While there may never have been a true and full sense of needing to find that which ignites or fuels the soul, this is what you could be sensing now. The thing is psychologists aren't necessarily going to go down the path of 'What fuels the soul'. A lot of them are more focused on the mental and physical aspects, only two thirds of the whole.

If you feel this is the case, that you're possibly starting to wake up to a depressing lack of soulful stuff in life, the question then becomes 'What the heck is going to fuel my soul or that part of me that's insisting there's more to life than this?'. Another way of putting this is 'If I can feel myself slowing dying inside, what is going to bring me back to life?'. Sometimes there can be clues in our childhood. For example, if we passionately wanted to become a firefighter when we were young or we passionately loved writing or drawing or if we passionately loved some element of nature, they can be the passions/avenues worth wondering about or the paths worth wandering down again. Of course, this may not always be the way to go, as we could have naturally just outgrown those kinds of things. 

From an energetic perspective, it can also pay to question 'Why the heck am I in 'flat battery' mode?' or 'Why do I feel so exhausted of energy?'. One way to measure physical energy is through blood tests (see where your iron, B12, thyroid etc count's at). Can't hurt to wonder. Another area of wonder can involve a lot of output of energy and not enough input to put us back in charge. A lot of mentally exhausting stuff can also impact physical systems in the body. Maybe an inspiring new area of interest could involve how physical energy works. Bit of chemistry, biology and quantum physics. Personally, I find it exciting whenever I research and reach the conclusion 'I had absolutely no idea that that's how I work. No wonder I'm struggling'. I truly love quantum physics, where science and spirituality meet. While we could say from a soulful perspective 'I'm vibing low', we could also say 'Every cell in my body is vibrating at a seriously low frequency and I can feel this as a depressing lack of energy. My cells and I are far from experiencing excitement'. Nothing quite like inspiration to produce a bit of dopamine and fuel the cells, to the point of excitement.

[trying_my_best]

Hi there! 
i totally get this feeling! In fact i still struggle with it at times! It can be all well and good to live up to what society or other people’s expectations of a good life, but sometimes it can be worse to try and live up to your own expectations. And that is the part I feel the most! 

As a few others have said, I found in these periods in life where I feel like I’m not living up to my own expectations for my life, I like to do what I hear online as a “life audit”, I sit down and I write out the things that I enjoy, like my hobbies, things that interest me that I find feasible to try, for me this was volunteering, and really sitting down and looking as the people and aspects in my life than make me happy and unhappy. The people and aspects that make me unhappy and don’t serve a purpose or aren’t supportive of who I am trying to become get cut off. And those that make me happy are more intentionally integrated into my life, one way I’ve seen online (I’ve had a crack at it myself but I am terrible at sticking to things sometimes) is called a “dopamine menu” which is like a little list of activities, things or hobbies that bring you joy for those days where you need a little boost but don’t know where to start!

I wish you all the best in your journey 🫶