Mixed state bipolar 2?

[Hannah_S]

Hi there, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 about six years ago but it never really felt right in terms of what I experienced so I didn't take on what I felt was a label - and my psychologist agreed at the time. Many years ago I did go manic when I was on medication (ironically I was scared of taking anti-depressants and they did send me over the edge). I did start taking a different medication and felt things were a lot easier. I had been stable for 10 years (including having two kids). But about a year ago I separated from my partner (of 25 years). It was my choice and was perhaps the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Straight after the separation, I felt quite liberated. I moved house, started doing lots of courses, hanging out with friends. Underneath all this was absolute exhaustion and despair at the feeling of having to be separated from my kids when co-parenting. But in March this year I stupidly took drugs - way too much of it. I pretty much never take drugs. The following week I became deeply depressed and it never seemed to wear off. But just this past week I feel like I am rapidly going from top of the world, I can do anything, to bottom, completely falling apart and crying all the time, utter despair. I have a PhD due at the end of this month and I was hoping to keep it together for the next three weeks. The weird thing is, I feel like I did when I was a teenager (I'm finding friendship difficult, feel excluded/abandoned by little things, and no longer want to go out). I don't really know where to begin. I know when I had serious depression in the past, it usually was preceded by the feeling of hitting the bottom (a breakdown/release), needing to acknowledge it. This is where I'm at, I guess.

[quirkywords]

Hannah S,

I would like to welcome you the forum. This is a caring, friendly and supportive place.

You have been through a lot of life and mood changes in the last few years , not to mention a nearly completed PhD, congratulations.

Are you wondering whether the drugs you took in March caused your depression to stay and maybe a manic mood?

How would you feel if original diagnosis of bipolar 2 was a correct description of your moods?

I am not a doctor . I was diagnosed with manic depression as it was 40 years ago and I have often wondered if it was the right label. I was in denial in which time I had 3 children and then was [pressured to take medication which has worked for over 25 years.

Sometimes I think if a label helps you get the right treatment then it is helpful .

What would you like to see happen now ?

There is a thread called This Bipolar Life which you may like to look at. There are people with a range of experience and we chat , share experiences and knowledge. You would be most welcome there.

Is it possible to get an extension on your PhD if you need it?

I tend to ask questions to make sense of things but if you don't feel comfortable don't answer.

Thanks again for sharing your story.

Quirky

[Hannah_S]

Thanks so much. I like questions, don't worry. Yes, even though I feel like there was a lot going on, the party drug I took too much of seemed to take me to a state of depression at the time that I couldn't get back out of. I felt like I had lost some sense of stable footing after. Separate from this, I am thinking that Bipolar 2 sounds right, in particular what's described as mixed (where you swing from up to down very quickly) - I only just read about that today. I think I feel ashamed of this diagnosis (I know that's not logical) because I know of the stigma attached to it and unable to tell anyone. I have already had more than the allocated time for the PhD - I just want to get it out of the way. I also need to find work as am relying on my parents while finishing the PhD - so am in a hurry to start supporting my family again. Can you pls point me to This Bipolar Life? I couldn't see it when I scrolled through.

[quirkywords]

Hannah,

Thanks for your reply.

If you go to top of page and type in This bipolar life into the search box, you will find it.

Mixed states are awful to cope with . I was ashamed over 40 years ago but find today there is more understanding especially in the academic world. That is just my opinion and if you feel ashamed that is valid and would be hard for you to deal with.

If you can’t find This bipolar life just post again. You could look in the staying well session. I am not much good at links.

Quirky

Everyone copes differently with a diagnosis .