Long way to sobriety from Antidepressants

[Lila_Lostland]

Hi. 22 years with Antidepressants. One day I asked myself, Why I'm eating these?? End of last year I spoke with my Doctor, we cut it to half. I felt so good, I FELT,,,, I HAD FEELINGS, happy, sad, joyful, loved it. Too eagerly within a month I stopped taking any at all.. I wanted to be rid of them altogether. Then it happened, my anger got unmanageable, took over. I felt ready to hurt somebody.. Yes, I felt like that......... It did really SCARE me, I'm not that kind of a person... Saw my Doctor again, got back to my half doze. 2 months later I cut my tablets to half. Felt more Depressed than ever, headache was unbelievable.

Now I been without 4weeks, starting to feel great, my energy levels rising, (no more lying in bed all day), got energy to vacuum, to take care of my home/me, cooking again. Sewing machine is out of cupboard, I got energy for 2-3hr's a day. It's a start.. GREAT START!! .

As I can feel again, I feel so strange with my head, we think differently than before. It's like having TWO heads, one of my old old busy go and do things type, and this new strange one. It got to relearn 22 years of my lost life. It feel's like at I been Zombie for last 22 years. What have I missed of life? lots and lots I think.. Now I cry a lot, feelings what I missed. Laugh a lot, laughter what i missed.... Every day feel's like at I'm a toddler, learning to walk again with a new legs. It's not legs, it's learning to think with my new brain. As I don't know, what it feel's one minute to next.. As I like to be in control, posed, ready, unexpected situations could whack me out of comfort zone. What do I do then?? As I don't have a control of my feelings, they are so new and RAW.. Thanks to reading my stuff

[geoff]

Hello Lila, thanks for relating your story to us and I'm sure there will be many readers who would be very interested in how you have become.

The beauty is that if any unexpected situations do happen you will be able to look at it from another angle, not like you had before where you had to climb into a back hole but face it head on and rationalise it out.

That's good. Geoff.

[Lila_Lostland]

Thank you Geoff , very comforting ...

Withdrawals were hard to cope, as I was too eager, went too fast. I should have listened my Doctor. Second time around worked so much better.

Babysteps at first, in awkward new situations stepping back, re-analysing at what happened, figuring a new way to STAND UP for myself. People been so used to walk all over me. It's a long road to feel fantastic about myself, I'm the No: 1 person in my life... I feel so POSITIVE, after 22years I forgot how great is to feel good...

[geoff]

Hello Lila, a great way to look at a new situation, wait, re-analyse it and then approach it slowly the best way you can.

To feel free after 22 years must be an enormous achievement, I can't congratulate you enough, remember to look either side of you and be careful, like I know you will be.

So pleased for you.

Geoff.

[Lila_Lostland]

Bumpy ride, Yesterday was a bed day, hiding my head into crosswords puzzles.

Woke up feeling a Panic attack is coming, got paper and jotted it all down, still need to re-write it all and make a report to landlord. (Had a terrifying ordeal with my neighbour). This issue feel's so huge, (bigger than final school exam). Membering to breath, feeling scared, can't hide it under the carpet, write it, re-write it, shaking inside. Telling myself, at slowly does it, slowly but surely, One Step at a time.....

Thank you to reading this, I don't feel so alone, knowing at you guys are saying, "Go for it, slowly does it and remember to take a breath".. Thanks guy's !

[Lila_Lostland]

I'm on a top of the WORLD..

Feeling fantastic, one small frustration lifted.. Feel's like I won WWIII... You can laugh, go On ...

This could be an unexpected feeling HIGH moment, .. I knew life is a bit of a rollercoaster, finding my happy elated feelings, 22 years they been stemmed by antidepressants.. I love these good fabulous up moments.. Jihiii...

[quirkywords]

Lila,

I was just wondering how you are.

I saw a post of yours on FAQ thread about how you were having difficulty finding yoiur thread and navigating around the forum.

I hope you worked out your problems in finding your way around the forum..

I am interested in how you are now.

Quirky