Never have been one for publicly posting my problems or even talking
about them but I have started to realize I have to think and do things
differently now. I hated who I had become, I hated my life, I hated the
relationship I was in, I hated everyth...
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Never have been one for publicly posting my problems or even talking
about them but I have started to realize I have to think and do things
differently now. I hated who I had become, I hated my life, I hated the
relationship I was in, I hated everything except for my kids. I wasnt a
bad person though I have done some horrible things in my early years and
a few horrible things have happened to me, made some bad mistakes and
have made some great decisions too, I had a very good life by society's
standard but i was severely depressed. I couldnt understand me. Almost
12 months ago I deliberately threw myself into the deep end, I left my
life as I knew it to really focus and search 100% for answers, to search
for peace, freedom and understanding. F%^K I felt so scared, ashamed,
guilty, hopeless, you name it ..........I've had a few earth shattering
heart breaking moments in my life but this felt like facing death by
being eaten alive by a pack of lions, no has my back, no one there to
catch me, I never felt anyone had ever been there anyway, but deep down
I thought this would be the best thing for me, sink or swim.Divorce, it
wasnt working anyway, I knew her like the back of my hand but felt she
never knew me. I didnt know me. No job, we were in business together. A
major back injury so finding employment is close to impossible. I took
the camping gear and tools and we split the cash 50/50. I had $16K and
the unknown ahead of me. I refuse to get government handouts but don't
have a problem with others receiving it, I just see it as a extra hassle
I dont need, nothing to say i wont apply later, I hope i wont have too.
Took the journey back into my life to process who I am, read higher
conscious books, other's life stories, understanding why people turn to
religion, TED Talks, Mind Spot program, self help, divorce support
group, blogs, nature, exercise, eating healthy though we always have,
reduce alcohol though now I haven't touch it for a while, quit smoking
though I do vape now. I had been searching for that holy grail that
silver bullet my councillor calls it. There is no holy
grail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after almost 12 months I'm back to square
one!!!!!!!!!!!!or am I? I've worked out that I am me, what works you my
not me, what works for you my not for me, that doesnt make us better or
worse, we just want to get through life better than how it has been. I
think it's starting to get a little better, maybe a little clearer. I
now need to find my new purpose.
How do I talk to my doctor?
