I have written into this forum before but I would love to elaborate for anyone who is interested.
To every human being suffering from depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc. you are not alone.
5 years ago I was in my mums hospital room, on her old crippled mothers birthday holding the hand of another crippled yet young woman. My mum slowly withering away from lung cancer, it was her last moments, alone we sat, my last words speaking 'I love you' three words that don't seep from my mouth very often. But at this moment i thought it was necessary for my mum to know she was loved in her last moments by her little 13 year old princess.
3 months later, my step dad started his very own drinking problem, this altered his mind, and led to sexual abuse and attempted rape to the girl who resembled his wife oh so much. Having my mothers intuition I decided to speak up, 3 days later he was found by his brother overdosed by my mothers cancer pills and alcohol. I was to blame. because I 'lied' about this, of coarse he couldn't do that to me. But sadly it is true.
I had lost my world, my family and the two people I loved dearly.
I grew up without a father until he stepped in and then he decided to hurt and leave me too. So why trust men?
My uncle passed away early the next year due to smoking cigarettes and my best friends brother hung himself in their backyard. Expecting to be there for my best friend, I felt her pain just as much as her, I knew what she was feeling.
I watched my gran, my mothers mum die over the years, the next most important woman in my life withering away, and then a couple years she was gone.
My boyfriends mother also committed suicide, he now suffers from schizophrenia. It's a whirlwind of emotions and problems between us. But we stick together like glue and get past those little speed bumps.
Throughout the years I have tried committing suicide, self harming and went into mental breakdowns of not seeing the bright side of any more days.
Today I suffer from depression and anxiety. It mainly was triggered 5 years down the tract, my 18th birthday, final year of school. Not coping well i had to leave year 12, and struggle with every day life. I pushed away all my friends, and now fighting with my cousins ice addiction, whom I've lived with for 5 years.
But to those who believe there is no happy ending, I am in a loving relationship, with a man who loves me and accepts me dearly, I have those people that love me and I am completing study next year doing a Cert IV in mental health or alcohol and other drugs.
I lost family, I lost friends, I lost all hope, but there is always that silver lining, and a smile benieth the tears.
Look on the bright side of life and there will be life. A good one at that.
Just believe in the silver lining.
K.W 🙂
