memories of when it all began/gratitude

[star76]

I have recently been reminded of when depression started for me . I was 14 angry , confused empty and full of self hatred. I just didn't operate how others did. I felt to deeply. I remember thinking at the time were was this youth of carefree times in the sun everyone seemed to talk about. If this was the best years I din't want to be around for long. I made no plans for the future and by 16 had decided I had nothing to offer and the world had nothing to offer me. I was different and felt for sure that wasn't ok

Thankfully I got though those years in high school but it was not till in my early twenties that i was properly diagnosed,medication took a bit longer to sort out.

When i finally got the right support my life changed and i felt like i came alive for the first time since early childhood. I am so grateful for sticking around in life,for having people who believed in me and encouraged me toward the right support.

Today I am struggling again ,the difference is I have hope that I will pull though and it won't last forever . One moment at a time if its all that one can bare and a little bit of hope and a dash of gratitude . Some times I lived that one and that's ok .

[blondguy]

Hi Star76

Great thread topic and thankyou as many people will benefit from your experience

Its painful to be struggling as you are now. I understand and feel your pain Star. This is my 21st year with depression and my 21st year of taking an SSRI every single day which helped me sustain my career and rebuild my life.

I think you are amazing for having the strength to deal with this illness and still look at it the way you do 🙂

This roller coaster ride can really be a pain...especially when we are going through these periods of crap

You are spot on. This dark phase will be short lived. Just a little tip on depression if thats okay......the more frequent the counseling appointments the more effective the recovery 🙂

You really have a terrific sense of clarity Star....

If you need us you know we are here as you are not alone

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[pawsy]

Hi Star. It's great for me to read your post ... and to remember that very important thing of how the bad patches wont last forever and the future version of me (and you!) will likely be grateful that we stuck around in life. So thanks for the thought-medicine! I hope your struggle eases today, or soon. Keep posting 🙂

a hug from pawsy

[star76]

hi all

I totally agree blondguy with you wen you posted about seeking therapy and that's why I chose to stay with my psychiatrist for 12 years turning up twice a week for years. That and medication changed my life too. I ve been on ssri meds for ages too maybe close to 20 for me as well. Unfortunately my lovely psychiatrist retired last year. But I have supports in place , forums being only one. I am of the belief that having long term support in a variety of areas is what has saved my life. Its such a fine balance to not get too many .

Pawsy Im touched my post struck true you. I'm new to the forum and needed to hear others express themselves . Even after all the therapy ,tool and medication I need to remind myself of the importance of simple regular maintenance. It took me a long time to except my illness and I had to learn to have gratitude.

I don't know your story that lead you hear but you too keep posting too

star

[metester]

Hi all.

Firstly, star76 thanks for your post. It is encouraging and describes how living with depression can be for some. It also reminded me that depression is a condition that needs to be managed and the more experience we have with it the better we get. After many years of living with it and 10+ years of having it diagnosed I can say the last 12 months have been the best. I do not claim I have defeated it or I am cured. I do respect it however, and like many other things in life I know I need to manage it and allow it to be. There will be more ups and downs and I accept them as they come.

Lastly, I like to reiterate that consistent therapy and adherence to a medication regime has been very helpful and provides a strong foundation for the journey.

[blondguy]

Hi Star

Thankyou for posting back and well done to you for having all the health support you have organised over such a long period of time...You are an inspiration to many

Great posts from Pawsy and Metester too 🙂 Very helpful input by sharing your experiences so well 🙂

Metester Said: "I like to reiterate that consistent therapy and adherence to a
medication regime has been very helpful and provides a strong foundation
for the journey"

my best nice people

Paul

[BenD]

Hi Star,

This is a fantastic thread. It's really good to know that you have hope still. I'm feeling the crap today too but I've been here before and I'll get through it again. Thanks for being brave and sharing.

Ben

[star76]

hi all haven't posted here for a while, not feeling very grateful lately . I used to do a gratitude list every day . I made it up to ten things each day I was grateful for. I would go through the box at the end of the month . maybe its time to get back to it.

Just today I was reminded what emotional pain I was in the throes of a body image disorder. All the time it stole from living in the real world. The isolation it caused. How my whole day would be swallowed up by it. The things I missed out on while trapped in the negative cycle.

I'll be honest I still struggle daily with negative thoughts ,but I'm not doing all the behaviours that go with it. and for that I am grateful

I'm trying to find a path out of the negative thoughts by open up about it. I believe my negative thought feed of my silence and isolation.

there a saying I once heard ...Never go alone and unarmed into your own mind...

I take it to mean talk about the negative feelings ,share experiences ,seek help and support then you're armed so to speak.

Any thoughts .....

star76

[star76]

I have not posted for a long time.Partly because I feel like I don't get heard or my pots end up nowhere. I'm struggling with my depression and nothing much has changed and I'm still stuck in it. I just wanna relate with someone, talk with people who understand that I can't just get up and shake this off or et all motivated and be a changed person. I just wont to be heard and not judged for my feelings. I feel like no one is listening. Things are not always straightforward and easily solved with a couple motivational talks or suggestions.

I want recovery but I feel trapped. I m not so dark that I have given up. If anything I'm angry I'm so depressed and I want to live now. I have been through a lot over the years and am still here and plan to be for many many years more hopefully.

I have things I wanna accomplish but the depression tells me to do it tomorrow.I'm at a point in my life that I just don't want anyone close to me to know how bad my apathy is because don't want endless suggestions on what to do.

I'm afraid I sounding like I'm a closed minded person and have decided nothing will work, that is not at all what I'm saying, I'm open to trying things that once help me to recover and hope that my journey toward a more fulfilling life continues

for now that all

I'm asking for a little understanding form others and some comfort in this journey

[topsy_]

Hi Star

I'm hearing you & I'm pretty much in the same place - stuck. I know the remedies - eat well, sleep well, exercise, use distraction, be around people. But I'm permanently stuck in the lounge chair with negative thoughts telling me I can't get out, can't do things, do them tomorrow etc etc.

I'm nearly 61 so I've had over 40 years of this. I'm better than I was 25 years ago but I wish I was better.

I don't want positive thoughts or empty words. I'd just like to be heard like you & accepted.

I appreciate what you have posted because it gave me "permission" to post too. I hope you might get a good nights sleep now. I see the date has changed so it must be after midnight.

Take care, Lyn.