Lost

[Kassy]

In 2016 i got depression really bad and i begun staying in my house a lot. Id forever be in my pyjamas in bed or in the house cleaning. i didnt care about myself. After a while i didnt speak to anyone. My friends became distant and i felt all alone.

I tried councelling but its almost impossible for me to speak about my emotions or my traumatic childhood. Its something ive been trying to forget my whole life. I have bad anxiety and all I find myself doing is shaking and crying. So i stopped going.

The only thing that makes me want to keep trying is my partner and my dog.

My partner hates the way I've become. I know he thinks im lazy and useless because he has said it a few times on my bad days. He says he doesnt mean it but i can just feel it. I dont know how these words make me sink so low.

It feels like for every positive step i take there are two negative. Im just sinking deeper and deeper and cant even save myself anymore.

Where should I go from here?

[smallwolf]

Firstly, welcome.

You sound as though you are caught between a rock and a hard place. But you have also recognised that you need help.

Can I ask how long you were undergoing therapy?

Some coping ideas... Deep breathing. If you get an anxious thought say thank you to your mind. Meditation.

Could you write down your past and give it to a psych.?

I know that it can be hard... I had severe depression end of last year and it is a slow and long or never ending process. The journey starts now

[Steph2]

Kassy,

I have survived depression and I used to be in that dark place you feel you are in. I used to read all the stories on these forums thinking "how did these people get through this". To me the only solution was for someone else to end my life. Ofcourse this did not happen and because I spoke out about these feelings I had family and friends supporting me.

If you do not feel supported by your medical health professionals, get referrals to someone else. Without the professional help of my psychiatrist and psychologist, I would not be writing here today.

It took a long time for my husband and family and even friends to fully understand or at the very least have sympathy and support for these horrible and REAL illnesses. (anxiety/depression). I can only assume your partner just wishes he could make it all better and is taking his frustration back out on you. I would suggest your partner comes with you to your appointments, so that he can hear and see about your illness and recovery plan.

Rather than look at you progress as "one step forward, two steps back", maybe look at it as "one step forward, one step to the side". It took me almost 6-8 months to be comfortable to leave the house again, and I eventually did it. Do not give up on yourself! Your doing the right thing by talking about your thoughts and feelings on this forum, THIS IS A STEP FORWARD. You are seeking help, and there is plenty of help on her and other phone/online services.

If you want to talk more hunn, please let me know.

You WILL get through this.

Sending you comfort and hugs.