First major relapse

[Bluebird987]

Since coming back from a getaway with friends, I have been slowly progressing towards a relapse. I've been feeling numb and empty in the meantime and today it all came up. I've been able to go on with my life, but today it was difficult enough to make it out of bed. I've suffered with maj. depression for a while now and I've been seeing someone about it. I have a appointment tomorrow, but I still feel so guilty about this relapse. It's the first time it has happened to me. I knew that eventually this would happen but even expecting it didn't make me as prepared as I would have liked to be.

I just need for some guidance and advice here. Anything really. About how to go forward following this relapse and what to expect for the short and long term future.

[white knight]

Hi Bluebird

Tell me about it lol. Last year there was the perfect setting, on holidays, driving my vintage car towing our caravan I made myself through the NSW countryside. No other issues. It was great but wham, 10 days of hell. No matter what I tried nothing worked. I warned my wife and kept her updated about any progress. I asked her for extreme patience and she was great. Ten days later it lifted, I started feeling it the night before. It was vivid.

The problem with this story is that I have depression but also bipolar 2, dysthymia and old anxiety. It felt more like a bipolar session than depression. But it goes to show that in the perfect setting things can go pear shaped.

What I did learn from that is it is unpredictable. Also, while you are in that mode you don't feel you can ever come out of it. But you will and this is the promise I kept for myself- that I will always believe it will subside and two- that I wont do anything stupid.

You can read about some of this using google

Topic: depression the timing of motivation- beyondblue

Topic: being positive, whats the secret- beyondblue

Topic: acceptance- the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

cheers Tony WK

[Croix]

Dear Bluebird987~

Welcome here. first off I'd like you to understand many people with depression find it does come and go, maybe like waves. As you said yourself you had been expecting things to falter sometime. It really is no reflection on you and while disappointment - even frustration - is appropriate guilt is not.

Circumstances and life are letting you down, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

The trouble is that just when you need resilience, hope and perspective it is all snatched away by the increasing depression. Actually the long future is good, I'm an example, it was horrible to start with but now things are mostly under control and I live a pretty good life with occupation, accomplishment, self regard and love.

There are a several good things you mention. The first of course is being aware of your condition and being able to take appropriate measure - you are not lost. So that psyc/councilor/gp visit tomorrow is just the thing. Please lay out all your current symptoms and see what adjustments need to be made. Tweaking regimes for changing circumstances is normal.

The second thing of course is that you are under treatment, so many hesitate and think they can soldier on by themselves. I found this a trap and simply got worse until I had competent medical support.

Talking of support, apart from medical personnel do you have anyone in your life to support you? Having someone, parent, family member or friend, to share the load and provide care and perspective is a truly great thing. I have my partner.

Do you think the getaway, or even the return to normal life, may have had something to do with this downturn? I've found pressure in my life has had that sort of effect, which is why I consciously try to lead as stress free life as possible (not always practical but one tries)

I'm sure that like me you will improve, both from this episode and also long-term.

Would you like to come back and talk more?

Croix

[PamelaR]

Hi Bluebird

Yeah it's the pits having a relapse.It took me ages to accept the fact that 'relapse' is a given. Pain in the backside, but it happens. Sorry to give you the bad news 😞

I relapsed at the end of last year, something totally different to what my first attack was (due to early childhood trauma). This relapse was due to retirement. Go figure. The biggest thing for me is to not let it define me, or my life. I'm a happy, positive, creative person who wants nothing better than to live life to its fullest.

My personal view is - empower yourself!! While I had a relapse last year, I have to admit that they have occurred regularly since my first recognition I was down. So it is an ongoing management issue. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, however, the good news is you can resist it's power of you. Battle it every way possible by:

• keeping healthy, i.e. eating the best things for your body
• staying active, i.e. getting regular exercise
• having a network to talk about how you're feeling, e.g. like BB
• having a good spiritual outlet. This does not necessarily mean a christian spirituality.
• having a good treatment regime - doctor, therapist, medication etc.

Hope this helps in some way Bluebird. You're not alone!!!

[geoff]

hello Bluebird, please let me welcome you to the forum.

It is quite normal to feel lost when you come back from a getaway with friends, because all of a sudden you are by yourself, before it was a group decision what you were going to do and off you went enjoying what activity which includes all your friends participating, it was great fun, but now you are by yourself so you may feel lonely, wondering what to do.

No need to apologise for having your relapse, but yes, at that particular time we feel that it shouldn't have happened, but with depression there maybe other triggers which we are not prepared for and this is what you need to find out with the help of your psychologist.

If you knew it was going to happen, then there's a trigger point somewhere, discuss this, then you will be able to avoid it. Geoff.