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I think I'm a good nurse but nothing makes me happy anymore
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Hi,
I'm new here and I don't even really know what I'm doing here.
I think the title says most of what I'm thinking, I'm a 24y.o nurse and I'm pretty sure nursing is my calling but my personal struggles with depression are starting to effect my work as well as my personal life. I'm pretty sure it's only recently hit me that there is something wrong and I still don't really get it. I feel like I'm supposed to be immune to feeling these thoughts inside because of what I do. I can't keep blaming my unhappiness and negative thoughts on the shift work making me tired, my boss being condescending or the fact that I can't get out of the house except to go to work and reward myself with sugar for just finishing a shift - I don't have any weight problems but I know sugar isn't what my body needs and I end up feeling guilty for doing the one thing that makes me happy for a minute because I should be preaching health. I feel ridiculously lonely all of the time. I reward myself with the justification of staying in the house all day I didn't realise until now how socially isolated I am. I tell myself to get out of the house but there's often no friends I can think of asking to be with. I have one close friend but we don't talk about this stuff. The rest are aquaintences and I feel like I just annoy people anyway.
I guess I want to know if there's anyone else in the medical profession feeling this. I feel like I should be better than this but sometimes it feels so deep that I wouln't know where to start even trying to make anything better.
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I never have until recently but do you mind me asking if you've ever looked into EAP?
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Hey Floz,
I am not sure if this will help, but I want you to know that when I was going through the darkest part of my experience with anxiety/panic/depression I also felt very isolated. I was to embarrassed about what was happening to me, and avoided seeing friends and even family. From my experience this just made everything worse. However once I started opening up and talking to a psychologist/psychiatrist, I was able to come to terms with my thoughts and used therapy to get back out there and social again.
I am not a nurse, but you are still human and the stresses of life can affect you. You are not expected to be "stronger" mentally just because you are a health professional.
I would suggest a chat with your GP and get their advice. You deserve to be happy and its within your control to turn your frown upside down.
I am happy to be an online support.
Sending you strength and comfort.
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Being a nurse won't stop you from having depression, sure you give all the patients helpful advice but you're not including your own feelings, remember you're still human, and working shift work puts another stress on how you are feeling so you can't be immune.
Most people we know are acquaintances, there
Instead, go and enjoy something that you have always wanted to do, you will meet new people along the way.
Someone in the medical profession, like yourself, being a nurse, who incidentally help an enormous amount of people doesn't mean that you shouldn't be talking with your own doctor, whether it's someone at work or elsewhere is what you need to decide on, but what you should be doing.
Don't make the mistake of feeling that it will go away by itself, by being a nurse, depression can happen to anyone. Geoff.