Lost, lonely scared and relationship in crisis

[Vanda]

I’m so alone and just don't know what to do. After a life of ups and downs that I’ve prided myself on my resilience to get through but over the past years I have had a horrible bullying experience at work that has absolutely broken me. I used to be intelligent and strong but now I just want to hide from life, I cry every day and feel so alone. I’m trying for another job, but that's not proving a successful search, just another thing to keep knocking me down.

I cry in silence, I’m trying to be brave and hide how broken I am from my family, but I don’t know how long I can keep this up. I don’t know how to escape or break this horrible cycle I’m in.

The worst thing is the effect this is having on my family. My husband just wants to avoid all conflict/emotions/reality and says everything is ok. He always has struggled with his own feelings and emotion due to his shit childhood. I know he is like this but at the moment he goes for days without talking to me or just leaves me crying my self to sleep and goes to another room. I understand he doesn’t know what to do and how to handle me but I really need him to be there for me now. I’ve tried to tell him but he either doesn’t listen, doesn’t care or just doesn’t get it.

I can’t handle him ignoring me anymore. It’s like he just wants to take from me but won't give back. What is the use of being in a relationship when you are not there for each other when you need it the most?

I’ve been going to counselling for months. I asked him to see a counsellor to deal with his own feelings - he had one appointment. I can’t make him love me or care. I know he just wants me to “fix” everything and “tell him” what to do. I need him to want me broken or not. I need him to want to listen, try to understand and be there because he wants too.

I know I’m hard to live with right now; I’m trying not to be. I just don’t know I can keep putting up with my husband when he is not in this for better or worse. And I don’t know how to deal with everything else, these people from work are in my nightmares every night I don’t want to sleep, I can’t sleep. Every day is such a struggle and I just don’t know how much more I can take and I don’t know how to get out of this. I’m scared I’m lonely I can’t be strong anymore.

[Croix]

Dear Vanda~

Being bullied is a most horrible thing, it is being deliberately injured by others and has all sorts of effects -none of them good. One can feel weak for not standing up, dread of the next day, be at a loss at to what to do, and feel powerless. One is held hostage by the need to earn a wage.

While I guess you may you have already thought of this is there any action you can take to stop work people behaving like thing? A supervisor who is reasonable? A workmate ally? Going to Fairwork Australia:
https://www.fairwork.gov.au/employee-entitlements/bullying-and-harassment
and getting support.

While I quite agree that another job could be a very good answer to the problem the process of getting one is pretty soul-destroying in itself, with constant rejections, or worse still no reply at all.

My own way to try to live with that is to ban all job employment activities from a certain part of each day, and use that time for something completely different, take your mind miles away, hopefully something you can enjoy and look forward to -would you have any ideas about that?

Your husband sounds like a 'taker' and when you need him to support you, though good and bad, he runs off. Is there anyone else in your life, family, a parent or friend to talk with , who will care and you can lean on?

I read at the start you used to be able to deal with life's knocks, in fact regarding yourself as pretty resilient. Do you remember the sorts of things that got you through back then?

Croix