Loss of direction as a 20 y/o uni student combined with possible burnout and depression

[Guest_09154713]

I'm a uni student and currently attempting my second bachelor degree. For context, I started uni last year in another course, decided I didn't like it and transferred courses. However, I'm 5 weeks into my new course and am finding zero enjoyment and motivation to study, which has caused me to fall behind in my studies and feel hopeless. To make it worse, I'm even on a part-time study load this semester. However, this post isn't about my uni studies as much as it is the things happening in the background.

Last year, I battled with depression, suicidal thoughts and extreme loss of identity stemming from the accumulation of the past 3-4 years of my life. Starting high school, I began to work hard to do well in school and my peers and parents caught sight of this. This lead to me being seen as a highly academic kid. 

Moving into the senior years of high school, I made a lot of great friends, some of which I am still great friends with today. However, the 'smart kid' persona still stuck with me. In my final two years of high school, I chose the subjects that the 'smart' kids would do (i.e. sciences, advanced english etc) which would allow me to continue the highly academic persona that I had built for myself, that I was mainly known for, which only further inflated my gigantic ego. Despite my parents telling me that I could choose any subjects I wanted, I was already so fixated on impressing people and convinced myself it was what I wanted to do. Little did I know I was only further and further burying my true self into the seemingly unreachable depths of my consciousness. 10 hours study days were reality and I did decent in my final grade, but not as good as I expected. To anyone around me my score was exceptional but I was crushed, yet grateful I had 4 months break before uni. 

Uni started and I immediately realized something was off. I hated all my subjects, spiraled into depression and suicidal thoughts, yet didn't seek help. It didn't help seeing my friends enjoying their courses and doing well, while I was at rock bottom. My parents just told me to keep pushing, and so I did. Now, I want to take a semester break, but my parents don't approve and keep patronizing that course enjoyment doesn't exist and taking a 'break' means dropping out. I feel so far gone, lost for direction career-wise and really want to just 'pause'. When I try to think of what I truly want to do, I cannot I separate whether I'd being doing it for me or for others.

Need advice pls.

[ViolettaZ]

Hi there,

Thank you for opening up and sharing this on the forum. It really takes courage to put these feelings into words. I want you to know that what you’re experiencing is valid, and you’re not alone in feeling this way. I can genuinely relate to what you’re going through.

Since high school, you may have been living as the “smart, high-achieving student”—someone others recognise and praise, but not necessarily who you truly feel you are inside. Over time, carrying that role can become exhausting and confusing, and it’s natural that it leads to questions like, “Who am I, really?” and “Is this what I actually want?” That sense of identity loss can feel very unsettling.

It also makes a lot of sense that your motivation feels like it’s fading. When you’ve been driven by expectations for so long, it can become hard to hear your own voice beneath all the pressure. You might feel tired, stuck, or even a bit lost, and that’s completely understandable. It might help to gently give yourself some quiet, unstructured time, space where you don’t have to achieve anything or meet any expectations. Just notice what brings you even a small sense of comfort or ease. Those small moments can slowly guide you back to what you genuinely enjoy.

I also really understand how draining it is to constantly compare yourself to others and feel like you have to be “better.” It’s such a heavy pressure to carry. But the truth is, there will always be people who seem more accomplished—comparison never really ends. And that doesn’t take away from your worth. You still have value simply for being who you are, not for how you measure up to others. Maybe you could start with something small and gentle, like writing down one thing you appreciate about yourself each day, even if it feels insignificant. Over time, these small acknowledgements can help you rebuild a sense of inner stability and self-trust.

You don’t have to figure everything out right away. It’s okay to feel uncertain, and it’s okay to take your time. Reconnecting with yourself is a gradual process, and you deserve that patience.

If you feel comfortable sharing, I’m also wondering what might have been holding you back from seeking help. Do your parents know about how you’ve been feeling, such as your experience with depression? How do you think they might respond if they truly understood what you’re going through? Do you feel like they could offer you any support?

Warm regards🤗

ViolettaZ

[moody-_ahhhhh]

please dont feel guilty of burning out from a part time study load, i assume census date already passed. i feel u would benefit from a late withdrawal even though ur parents dont approve of it, do whats best for u and being able to assertively communicate that.

a gap year is what i feel wouldve been most beneficial for u, even a gap sem may help. either way i hope u find a sense of purpose and direction soon