Loosing Myself

[Will.i.am]

Up until this year I felt as though I had everything under control. Great family, solid support, great friends, the lot.

Though a sufferer of deep depression I always managed to not destroy every part of who I am. I am naturally a very outgoing , bubbly, life of the party kind of a guy and this year that has been taken away from me.

This year my trauma is rampant, my depression has sky rocketed and I now suffer from anxiety which is a new one to the mix. I have so many mixed emotions and I've been turned upside down.

I am not regularly unable to go to work at the last minute which is killing me and my finances. I hardly do any socialising and the activities I did regularly that were my life line I no longer live for or want. Worst of all my 2 year old son who I love and adore makes me realise how severe things have got. Even his smile and laugh can't break my darkness on the worst days which just breaks my heart.

With this post I wasn't sure what I was looking for. A place to air a snipet of what I am experiencing but a thread where I hope you can share your experiences or maybe a similar situations and what your doing to deal with it and tips I can use with my family

[blondguy]

Thankyou for caring and the hug too! I need it. My dad is elderly now and in his early '80's....he has 'lost' all the fire he had when I was a boy. I am 56 now and 'its' still there. I am caring for him now even though he lives 5 klms away...He is frail now.

I really appreciate the huge hug Will, more than you know..

I hope when you have the time you can stick around the forums, I think you have a lot to offer others

My Best to you...my friend.

Paul

[Guest_4987]

I have read through this thread and just want to send a hugs to you all because i can you all deserve them.

We all have things in common.

Wayne

[blondguy]

Sorry to Hi-Jack your thread Will.i.am

Thankyou Wayne...Will will respond of course...I just wanted to thankyou so much for the hug and your understanding..My kindest thoughts to you. Paul 🙂

[Will.i.am]

Thanks Wayne and Thanks Paul.

Thanks for sharing Paul. It truly blows my mind that your caring for your dad after all that was none. You truly have a heart of Gold. Someone I see as Good People!

Wayne I don't know much about you and hope to as I ponder through these threads. Sadly your right about the things in common reference. This is one dark world we live in. I'm finding the more I open up about my life the more I free myself.

[Starwolf]

Hi Will.i.am,

Good to read that opening up via these forums helps you unload some of the overload. It's amazing how writing out our thoughts and feelings also helps clarify them to ourselves.

Well done for thinking about making a GP appointment. It is a decision that demands courage so it may take more than one attempt. Many of us will relate to chickening out at the last minute...Just a minor setback.

I know from personal experience that sexual abuse leaves deep scars. Nothing like it to destroy self esteem and confidence. As a child/young person, the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. No wonder the usual reaction is to push it under the carpet ! Unfortunately, it is never the end of it. It always ends up festering, like deep-seated neglected wounds do, slowly but surely spreading toxicity to all areas of life.

We were once helpless children. But as adults, there is the opportunity to make helpful choices towards healing, taking control and reclaiming lost peace of mind. Step by step.

Wishing you a good new week.

[Will.i.am]

Starwolf your so right. I have felt the dark cloud enveloping me This past week starting to clear and a glimmer of light slithering through. Just amazing how cloudy and out of focus your brain can be an when it passes you feel completely renewed.

Abuse is an awful thing, especially when your taught to believe it is normal. A mind game they play. Manipulating the situation to make you think this behaviour was normal and all people do it. Not realising to much later that they stripped this innocence away from you and leaving this terribly entrenched scar that leave you numb. But you don't realise this numbing to later on when you need that feeling and that part of your brain that they have so brazenly taken away from yiu and you have to work so hard to peel back layers and layers of painful and emotional memories.

I am fortunate that I am surrounded by beautiful people now who truly care for me and a son I know I need to be around for. It is them who you thank when you hit rock bottom! when you want that pain, that void in your life to be gone and you can't escape and you want it to stop... My son looks at me so innocently and says I love you Daddy. I know that's why I am still here. Because of this hedge.

[Will.i.am]

Name is W,

Please all who read this know that this thread can be for all who are sharing there story and need assistance within there own life.

I have come to these forums for support from like minded people as yourselves and to win my battle with mental health. This past year my mental health has taken its toll on me, pushing my family, work, friends and commitments to the background, but YOUR experiences and support here have helped me to see that it can be managed and one day conquered.

[Guest_4987]

Hey W,

I agree totally with your last post, BB is such a great place for people battling with there mental health, i personally know of no other place where one can get so much support from others who have there own battles to deal with (there maybe others).

I would like to support you in agreeing that the dark can be managed and i do sincerely think it can be conquered but for me i haven't quite got to that point and to be honest it may never happen for me…what i am trying to say is this…a couple of months ago i started to slip in my dark place i slowly slipped down hill until it got so unbearable i reached out to the people who use BB and over time the black dog has moved on and honestly i am feeling much better so what i'm saying i may have not conquered my depression but today I'm ok and thats the main thing. It was suggested to me by another member to stop trying so hard to fix all and just go with the flow and thats what i have been doing and you know what it has had such a positive effect on my mental health and much easier than becoming exhausted and then confused, so for me if i can feel ok today thats great but maybe next week or next year things may change and i may find myself relapsing but hey if i can control my mood today i must be able to control it again in the future so thats a really good thing.

W it's so good you can see a way to manage what is so painful to you i would like to send you a big hug and hope your days keep improving, your personal story is similar to mine.

Wayne

[Will.i.am]

BB is great! Something here for everyone. Which is such a relief.

like you Wayne I have not one my War, but some battles I have managed to be the one on top. Hearing you talk about just been concerned about today and not what the future holds is great advice. If only all days could be as simple as today.

I will try and find your thread Wayne because I'd be interested in hearing bout yourself.

W

[blondguy]

Hey W

You (and Wayne) are kind people. Its really nice to read these compliments...from two people that have so much to offer. The bulk of the 'hits' that BB gets is from people that choose to only read the forums which is fine. By posting you guys help many people that dont have the courage to post and thus benefit from your life experience and views 🙂

Thanks big time for the care and understanding you have given to me too 🙂

Paul