lonely in a crowded room

[Guest_322]

Not sure where I'm going with this post. I have both nothing to say yet so much to say at the same time.

Just trying to figure out how to do this thing called life (which apparently I'm not very good at sometimes).

I haven't been feeling like myself for a little while now. I sort of felt "dead" (indifferent like just going through the motions) earlier this year. Then something snapped inside me, the floodgates opened and now I am feeling again but it's not exactly pleasant. Mostly just overwhelming sadness.

Anyway, I'm just putting one foot in front of the other right now. Not sure what else to do. It has been hard for me to accept that I'm struggling to cope. Early last year, I had so much energy and motivation. I was studying, working, volunteering, part of various student societies and joined a uni leadership program. Earlier this year, I was invited to join an academic program (separate to the units that I'm taking).

But this year, I've been slack with the volunteering, which I feel lazy and guilty about not being as involved as last year. Also, I'm behind on the community activities for the leadership program.

The frustrating part is the black dog and I are very well acquainted. We have quite a history together. Last time, he had me suicidal but not to worry, I won that battle 😉

And I don't know, maybe it's silly but I thought that I had tamed (even "conquered" the black dog). But the sneaky little thing is yapping at my heels again. I think that's the part that bothers me most. It's like "really?! Not this again?! Why?!!!!!"

So I'm just basically having a long whinge about "why this again?"

[QldMouse]

Hi Dottie123,

Oh boy do I hear you. I was attracted to the title of your thread because I feel that way most of the time.

Yes you sure are in the right place for a good whinge, and I agree. I find myself in the same situation again.

I read a book last year called the "Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. quite a striking book, and what it seems to come down to is retraining the brain to respond differently to triggers. The book was not enough for me to get started on that, I've been seeing a therapist to actually make progress.

But even then, from time to time we all trip up.

Good to see you getting it out and having a nice whinge, I suspect many of us feel the same and are also looking to the sky asking "why?".

Please continue, and all the best.

[james1]

Hey Dottie,

You said that, "I haven't been feeling like myself for a little while now. I sort of felt "dead" ...Then something snapped inside me, the floodgates opened and now I am feeling again but it's not exactly pleasant."

I go through this too so I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

You're putting one foot ahead of the other and repeating, and that's all you can do sometimes. During my run on the weekend, I saw some people wearing shirts that said something like "keep plodding". They were probably just referring to the running, but I think it's true for our mental health as well.

Just got to keep plodding along, watch where you step, and one day you'll look up and realise it's a pretty sunny day.

Hugs

James

[Guest_322]

Hi QldMouse,

Thank you so much for your kind message.

Lonely in a crowded room is a horrible feeling. You can still feel so disconnected, misunderstood and isolated even when you're surrounded by people. It's a feeling that I'm very familiar with too. I chose that thread title because that was how I was feeling at the time (still kind of do).

It's great that you seem to be making headway in therapy. I think it can be such an important part of the healing process to see a therapist so good on you for doing that.

Thanks again for the suport. I hope you continue to make progress in therapy 😊

- Dottie

[Guest_322]

Hi James,

Thanks for understanding. It definitely helps to know that there are others experiencing similar emotions as me.

I like the idea of continuing to plod along; pushing forward as that's generally the only way to go.

Thank you again- not just for this message but for the avalanche of support that you have given to so many people here (including me). We like you for you so just continue being you 😊

Here's to one step (plod) at a time.

- Dottie

[Az7319]

Hi Dottie.

Reading your first post was a little like looking in the mirror. Getting involved in so much, feeling motivated and kicking goals but before long, that wretched black dog pays another visit.

You feel crap and stop doing all those things you were involved in, then like you say, you feel guilty and that makes things worse.

It stands to reason that we stumble like this. When you spend so much effort fighting to be better, you're bound to run out of puff occasionally.

+1 from me for plodding along. I think it's so critical to keep moving (literally and figuratively), even if it's only a little because one you stop, you have to fight the inertia to get yourself going again.

I have hope for you, as you should too. You know all that you are capable of; you'll get back there in time.

Take care.

[Guest_322]

Hi Az7319,

I appreciate the hope you're holding out for me. Yeah, the battle seems to be an ongoing one. Just as soon as you think you've the black dog under control, he starts yapping when you least expect. Thank you so much for understanding where I'm coming from. It means a lot to me.

- Dottie