Lonely depressed and cant stop crying

[Rebeccaxo]

I feel so lonely. I have nobody here in Australia anymore. All my “Friends” are my boyfriend’s friends. This weekend it really made me realise how alone I am. Myself and my boyfriend are constantly arguing at the moment because I feel like he is being distant. Its just not the same at the moment between us. I feel like I am always walking on egg shells and the past 7 days I have cried myself to sleep most nights. I hate it when he shouts but then he says its my fault and never takes responsibility for his actions. He makes me believe I am mental which I think he is right and I am. I hate to cry in front of him because he just calls me a drama queen and doesn’t comfort me. It hurts even more that I am so anxious and exhausted for all the negativity and when I cry next to him in bed he just ignores me, how can you see the person that you ‘love’ struggle so much. It is absolutely draining me. I have nobody to turn to or talk to about anything in my life and I can’t just get away to see a friend because I don’t have any.

I have suffered with severe depression before I moved to Australia 2 years ago and even though I am not as bad as I was I suffer daily still with anxiety and bad thoughts. This weekend I have been in a very dark place, the worst since I have been over here. I don’t want to watch tv, sleep, eat, speak or do anything and just find myself staring at the wall or floor for hours. I just don’t really know what to do, does anyone have any advice? I think I should have some counselling but its so expensive here I think and because I am not a permanent resident I don’t think I can get it.

Any support is appreciated

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome to our caring community Becca;

It takes courage to post for the first time so well done! Your story's really sad; isolation feels awful. I lived overseas for a year when I was younger and it tore at my heart so much I came home.

I'm not sure of your background, so was wondering if this relationship is culturally related or did your eyes meet across a crowded room while back-packing in Marrakesh? lol

I don't mean to make fun of you, just trying to ask for details in a different way. I met my husband when our eyes met across a crowded room. True story... 🙂

For talking with someone who cares about your issues, Lifeline (131114) is available 24/7. They're wonderful listeners and may have info to support you.

With counselling and seeing a doctor, residents of some countries may qualify for access to Medicare via govt Reciprocal Health Care Agreements (RHCA).

These include the United Kingdom, Sweden,the Netherlands, Finland, Norway, Malta, Italy, Belgium, the Republic of Ireland and New Zealand. If you're from any of these places, please talk with Medicare or Community Services for more information.

Contacting groups from your cultural background will help you feel a little less home sick and maybe a good friend will come from it. You never know until you give it a go. They might also help you with the Medicare stuff.

Your relationship? Well, it sounds to me like your bf needs to be more honest and up front about what's going on for him. No wonder you've been crying so much, you don't have any answers except ones that blame you. That's a crock!

Is it possible for you to get a job and make your own money? Connecting with people in the workplace may uplift you and give you a well deserved sense of independence. 🙂

If you don't have a working or current visa, it might be wise to call authorities for help. You don't have to give them your name to begin with ok.

I'm here most days so you have an ally in me ok. Write as little or as much as you like; it's a safe space to vent or purge your worries. I'm here for you...

Kind thoughts;

Sez (hug)

[Rebeccaxo]

Hey Sez,

Thanks for your reply. I am living here legally currently on a bridging visa, however, the company I work for are sponsoring me (4 year visa). I am from the UK and so is my bf. The place I work is full of people over 40 and most have children and families etc. I am only 23 and feel its really hard to meet people naturally, the best way is at work, which I cant do.

I have reciprocal medicare so maybe I will try to find a doctor or something and see what they say.

Tbh I feel pretty embarrassed to call that number I don't think my issues are that serious or I don't know if thats me just being paraniod.

Thanks again for responding

[Just Sara]

Hi again;

Lifeline's a great service to call for anything that worries us. It doesn't have to be a huge deal, just one that hurts, frustrates or confuses. Please don't judge until you talk with them yourself; it's worth the risk.

I call them when I'm lonely...

Take care;

Sez

[Michelle34]

I’m really sorry you are going through this. I had a similar experience when I moved to another city in my early twenties to live with my boyfriend. He didn’t really make any effort to hang out with me once I got there and my only friends were his which I never really felt like they were mine at all. I was also suffering social anxiety so it was tough. Like you I worked in a job where most of the people were older. I don’t know if this advice will help you but I wish I had done this at the time and that is to find a class learning something I enjoyed were I could connect with people who were interested in something I was. Sometimes we don’t have the opportunity to meet people naturally so it takes a bit of courage to orchestrate friendships yourself. I think I would have had a happier experience if I did this. Find something all for yourself. I think seeing a psychologist would also be good if you can