When depression kicks in

[Lily78]

Hi

I am new to this forum. Over the last few weeks I have taken time off work as I have fallen into a depression. Sadly a job in a sector I enjoy, however due to contracts in the public sector my contract ends in a few weeks time. Although I have enjoyed the work office politics always seems to appear and my acting manager for some reason has caused me a bit of extra stress which I feel was unnecessary however it got the better of me and did contribute to some time off.

Struggling with what appear to be depression. A lack of support doesn't help however I always try to push through. It feels like it has finally got the better off me and everything is out of control.

I feel like such a mess, unsure of how to get out of this hole I keep sinking back into.

Money is not everything but mortgages and the cost of living is causing me so much stress as I can't afford to stop working. At what price though does the cost of my health and wellbeing continually win over money? I have always worked unless I have taken leave or mental health days.

I have never felt so unhappy and are at a crossroads now as to just finish up now knowing it ends in three weeks anyway. I don't think I could get any more down and going there increases my anxiety levels. I have recently cut out benzo use which I realised with the help of a good psych were just a mask to help me cope or ignore the real issues.

Does any of this resonate with anyone here?

[Imawombat]

Hi Lily78 ,

Sorry to hear about what your going through, Im also new here , so do you have another job to go to after this one finishes ? Im 9 months out of work after being hit with a workplace injury and Ive sunken into the dark place .

Personally Im one for keeping busy and in work or have an Interest , Im suffering because of no work no money coming inn , Im lucky I dont have a mortgage but I still stress . Ive just joined here because I decided I need more support , my Gp is not enough Ive just started seeing a councilor again but still feels its not enough so I hear your there .

I think a small amount of time off is ok for health but don't fall into the hole re too much time then struggling to get going again that's only my opinion and my situation .

Cheers

[Lily78]

Hi I'mawombat

Thanks for your post and it is very helpful to hear your opinion. Money can cause such stress in our life. Mortgage or no mortgage, it's still stressful, you're right. I think I've been stuck in a dark place, finance being one of the bigger issues for some time now and it's a hard trap for me to get out of as I feel I am going nowhere.

I'm sorry to hear about your work injury. Nine months is a long time. I hope you are on your way to recovery, and you can go back to work sometime soon?

I am the same, see a GP and have seen a psych through the EAP at work. I think you have to be consistent though to get results.

I am starting to look now, I held out a little as I was hoping the work may continue plus my mental health has been a little concerning of late. You are right though, I need to get back into work as soon as possible really before this spirals out of control.

What are your thoughts on medication if you are comfortable to answer? I have mixed feelings.

Anyway, I'll stop here for now and happy to hear back if you want to chat further.

Your thoughts have been helpful and clearly the push I'm needing at the moment.

Amazing how we can let that little voice in our head convince us otherwise when it feels like it. I had been lying in bed for hours going over and over it my mind until I managed to come to the conclusion, it's ok to not go in again. And I feel bad for this as this time around, it is the most time I have ever taken off work and I almost feel embarrassed or ashamed.

[quirkywords]

Lily

welcome to the forum and welcome to Imawombat. This is a caring, friendly and supportive community that you have seen by iamawombat's reply.

For me work is important as it gives me routine and structure. I am lucky that I am my own boss and run my own bookshop. I used to do teaching and could only manage casual teaching as I would become too tired and stressed doing full time work.

I think only you know what you can manage at work without causing your health to suffer.

I am glad you have a GP and have seen a psych.

Have you tried mediation, mindfulness, and other techniques?

Have you ever considered doing part time work, I realise you mentioned your money concerns so maybe part time would not help. I was just think working less hours until you feel better. So you are still working but not getting too stressed and overtired.

Have a look on the forum for topics to do with work and depression and you may find topics that may help you.

Feel free to post here as much as you like.

Thanks again for writing your post.

Quirky

[Lily78]

Thanks for your message Quirky. I have probably made a huge mistake but with two weeks remaining I resigned. Feel like I have made a huge mistake.

Part time work is unfortunately not an option. I am coming very close to losing the roof over my head. So angry at myself at this age to still not be able to handle people. For example a person of am age around 23 got the better of a person in her late 30s.

I feel like I have made a big mistake however at the same time not handling things well at all. I don't even want leave the house let alone get our of bed. What is wrong with me?

[TheatreGal]

Hi Lily,

I just wanted to reply as your story really resonates with me. I, too, am really struggling with my mental health at the moment and it’s having a significant impact on my ability to work. I am also working in an industry I love, but the demands of the job have increased so much. While work is being supportive of my mental health challenges, they are failing to address the work stress.

I am weighing up options. I want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. Leaving the house is difficult.

So I don’t have answers for you. But you are not alone in feeling the way you do. Sometimes I find that helps to feel less like there is something “wrong” with us. It’s still difficult, and it’s really hard to make decisions, then feel okay with them when we do.

I am currently on medications (yes, multiple) which seemed to help for a couple of months but now not so much. My GP is away at the moment but I will see her next week and talk about whether adjustments are required. Very scary as there is often a challenging period when adjustments are made.

I really wish you all the best through this especially difficult time. You are not alone.

[Lily78]

Hi, sorry for the late reply. It is good to know I am not alone in feeling this way.

How are things going with you?

I understand the not leaving the house part also. I have never felt so stuck or low in such a long time. It's a horrible feeling.