Relationship struggles

[Sandy24]

I'll start off by saying I never expected to be here. I have always been an incredibly optmistic positive person. However in the past eighteen months this has not been in the case. I have become withdrawn, fatigued and regularly pull away from those around me. I confided in my best friend earlier in the year. Initially she was very supportive. We had regular coffees and discussions as to how she could help. We also work together, which when surrounded by a large group is when I feel at my worst. In recent weeks I believe this has weighed upon her heavily, she has blamed herself for her negativity when we talk and now we talk very little only discussing the most mundane of topics at limited times. She has now become very frustrated when I withdraw or don't greet her with the enthusiasm I once did. This has resulted in me being described as a bit of a shit bloke because of it.She is a quite blunt indivdual and tells it as it is which normally i do appreciate but not so much in recent times. I have few friends I truly would hang onto if I could, but at the same time I do understand her difficulties based on how I have been recently compared to what would be considered my normal personality. I try to be an open individual and have made attempts to air our grievances (as I have now become frustrated with her frustration) but these offers have been rejected. I have almost become anxious over this relationship and no longer know how to approach this situation or even if I should to keep the friendship together. Has anyone had any experience with this and if so what was the result?

[smallwolf]

Sandy24,

Hi and welcome to beyond blue. Unfortunately I probably won't be able to answer your question directly, but I can give you other information (maybe).

Since I started going to a psychologist (last year) I have periodically had coffee with this individual, that is, when he is in town. (I should point out that otherwise I work from home as the main office is located overseas. I disgress...)

I also have to explain things to my wife as to what goes on in the sessions with my psych (x2) where relevant. I know she is supportive but sometimes in my mind it does not appear that way. And this is the odd part, that I can speak openly with my psychiatrist or psychologist about my day/week, but when it comes to my wife... You did not say whether you were getting any profession help or not? Have you thought about this? Or even trying out some of the ideas on the pages here in this forum including...

Grounding yourself, What is it and how do you? - Beyondblue
Relaxation exercises - Beyondblue
Mindfulness: What Is It? (Even if you dont know please ... - Beyondblue

Back to my work colleague... we talk about work, me, sometimes other things. The work stuff can be stressful. But we are both allowed to be totally honest with each other, and our conversations are confidential. I disagree with some of what he says, but the relationship continues. Why? Probably because I would be lesser if that person were not around. Sometimes we laugh. But when we have coffee I am otherwise somewhat distracted from my own thoughts.

I also identify with the frustration of being frustrated. I can substitute the same word with stupid, foolish, angry etc. I think that is the mind arguing with our objective self.

As for what is normal? That is a very good question. Maybe this is your new normal? At least for the time being?

Maybe try out the pages I mentioned above, and if you feel that is not working, visit your GP and see what they say. FWIW, there are three factors in my situation, (1) family history (2) medical issues and (3) work. If you can get to the bottom on the cause then you have something to work on?

Tim

[LavenderTea]

Hey Sandy24,

Thanks for posting.

It sounds so me like there is some miscommunication here. You say that she blames herself for her negativity when you talk, have you tired asking why? Perhaps she has something happening for her that she finds hard to communicate.

On another note, you say that you've become withdrawn, fatigued, and regularly pull away from people - has something happened eighteen months ago to make you start feeling this way? It might be a good idea to have a chat to your GP about the way you're feeling. Some of these things might suggest that you're experiencing depressive symptoms, or can just be related to physical health.

Hope this helps.

LT.