Lonely and confused

[Izfish]

I haven’t felt truly happy for a very long time and most nights I end up crying myself to sleep for no particular reason. For a while I have felt that there was something wrong but I have never been able to put my finger on it. I don’t really have any real friends anymore because we have all grown apart and so i don’t really have anyone to talk to about my emotions so i kind of just keep everything to myself which apparently isn’t a good thing. I am really scared that i have depression. Does this sound like depression? Or can anyone relate or have any advice?

[Over1t]

The best thing you can do for your health is to speak to your GP. They can rule out any physical conditions and then discuss your mental health and provide the appropriate advise.

No one on here can diagnose you, many will try to.

Best wishes on your journey.

[Rhu]

Hi Izfish and welcome!

We can't 'diagnose' you as having depression but based on what you've said, it sounds like a possibility. First step would be to talk to your GP, who can refer you to a counsellor/psychologist.

I know it's a scary feeling when you're feeling unhappy and miserable and you don't know why - no one wants to hear they have depression. But it's not the end of the world, there are ways to deal with it. Do you have family to talk to, or someone who can listen? Having someone to listen can take a big weight off your shoulders. Perhaps consider seeing a counsellor as well.

All the best to you and let us know how you go.

Rhu

[Izfish]

I know I have already written about feeling lonely and isolated. But I wanted to bring it back up because I am still struggling. It’s so frustrating because I have a friend group from school (I have just graduated) that I still keep in touch with but it’s extremely hard because there is not one person that I can trust and feel comfortable enough to open up to about everything that’s going on. It’s so hard especially now because most of my friends are now getting boyfriends and I know it’s bad to feel jealous but I can’t help it. I crave a boyfriend because then I could rely on someone to have my back and i could trust that he genuinely cared about me and wanted to listen to my problems and help. And I just can’t help thinking how good it must feel to be wanted and know that someone is willing to protect you no matter what.

I go to parties and things like that in the hope of either making new friends or finding a guy that I could get along with well. But each night when the party finishes I am left with the hollow and empty feeling in my stomach, sometimes even worse than before the party because it feels as though nothing I can do will get rid of this feeling.

I know I should talk to someone but I am terrified. I can’t talk to my parents about this because it has been going on too long that they would feel hurt that I didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to them. But the real reason is because I just don’t want to drag them into this because I know how sad and upset it would make them feel to think that I have been going through this.

What can I do? I know there probably isn’t much advice to give other than I need to go see someone. But I just thought I would try this in case someone had an idea that I could try. Thankyou in advance

[Rocket_Man]

Hi Izfish,

My following words may seem harsh, as they challenge the way you see the situation you are in, and your concept of a relationship in general. But relationships mean different things to different people, so if you disagree its perfectly fine, but I thought since you are unhappy with the way things are going, that an alternative view may be useful.

For me, when a sexual partner who is dependant on me for emotional support aswell, because they feel lonely or for whatever reason, I find this detrimental to my energy, and has a repellant effect, rather than an attractive one. To me this has a negative effect on the relationship regardless of how amazing that person is, it is still an emotional cost in the ongoing emotional trade within a relationship. Its fine to need support, thats what im trying to give you right now, but when you are in a state of need from the people around you, it means you cant contribute to their health and emotional wellbeing. I guess what this means is that a relationship wont necessarily fix the causes of you not feeling amazing right now, but it might distract you.

For sure one problem will be focusing on what you don't have. Whatever you focus on, attracts more of that into your life.

Ultimately humans are motivated by self interest, but by that I dont mean to just think of your own needs, but to give first, then receive. If you imagine someone wanting to be in a relationship with you, why would they want to do that ? What is it that you can give, that makes someone want to be around you ? Love yourself, I'm sure you're amazing.

In the past I have felt as though I needed people quite desperately, for years even, I constantly sought the acceptance of others because I didnt accept myself and who I was. I really wanted everyone to like me, but this was because I didnt like myself. This is not necessarily the case with you, but for me, to stop caring what others thought of me, required a huge effort on my part. One tool I learned in this process was journalling. I realised that I could solve about 90% of my issues, if I just wrote to myself for long enough, and was brutally honest with myself.

Im sorry if I sound harsh, but emotional development is like weightlifting, sometimes progress hurts, thats also why our brains stop us from seeing the issues.

Best wishes