Loneliness

[Rufc]

Hi guys,

i am new to the forum and I’d like to hear from you guys. I am in my early twenties i used to have friends back at home but after coming here I could not make any close friends i did have those I could talk to but after a while the conversations faded and now I feel like i am the problem. Normally when i hang out with people I don’t talk I feel like people would disregard me. I get attached to people easily and we lose contact and i end up giving myself reasons as to why they don’t deserve me like i am no fun. The other thing is i have a partner who usually comes around and i feel he could have chosen better. I have been so conscious to the point that I don’t let him talk to other girls of which was a mutual agreement but still i get mad over the slightest issues and mostly I’m the one doing it wrong. I often feel like I should just let him go maybe this jealousy thing would go. I aslo feel jealous when i see my friends going out for parties that they would invite me back then. I don’t know I’m confused and i just want to cry my heart out but really that won’t help much.

[yggdrasil]

Hi Rufc,

Thank you so much for posting on here, and well done for reaching out. It's a difficult step to take and you're very brave for doing so.

It's very challenging being in a new place, and what you're experiencing is I think very common in these circumstances. Are you a member of any sporting or activity groups? These can provide a way to meet people and socialise in a light way, and because you're socialising around an activity it's usually completely fine if you're naturally quiet. Often the activity will provide a way to interact. There are things like board game groups, social netball or soccer, or volunteering groups you may find interesting.

Have you been feeling confused and upset for a while now? If you've been feeling really confused and close to tears for a few months or so, you may be experiencing depression and may wish to speak to a doctor about this. When I was really depressed I found emotions like jealousy were much stronger and harder to manage.

I'm not sure if you've moved within Australia, or are from overseas, but in most cases your doctor will be able to set up what's called a "Mental Health Care Plan" (MHCP) for you. I've had one of these for many years and found them extremely valuable.

For Australian citizens/permanent-residents MHCPs allow you to see a psychologist or social worker of your choice between 10-20 times a year for free. If you're from overseas, you'll likely still be able to access MHCPs. For example, if you're a student you will have what's called "overseas student health cover" (OSHC) and this cover will usually provide 80-100% of the financial costs associated with a MHCP.

With a MHCP you can meet with your psychologist/social-worker every couple of weeks or so to talk through any relationship or personal challenges you're experiencing. They will also have insight into the jealousy and high degree of self-consiousness you're experiencing.

Psychologists have lots of different therapy models for addressing these types of feelings, like ACT, CBT and Schema Therapy. Personally I have found Schema Therapy very helpful for dealing with recurrant thoughts and feelings like jealously, or feeling unseen or self-consious around other people.

Well done again for posting on here, and please feel welcome to tell us more about your circumstances if you feel comfortable. All the best,

yggdrasil

[Rufc]

Thank you 🥺

[yggdrasil]

How are you feeling today? Any different, or the same? Hope you're doing OK.