Bad thoughts looming, Getting irritated easily and doubting myself

[Escape_Crowd]

Hi there, I am 26 and just started working two years ago. The story began in November 2021, when a project came in and our team were burnt to deliver the project by Christmas. I had been doing 2 hours ish of overtime every week to get the job done.

And there was one time I participated the company mini end of year event (like only 30 min) and left the workplace on time the same day. The next day I got called by my manager as he was unimpressed by me joining the mini event when everyone on the team was working hard to deliver the project. I explained to him that I had been doing overtime for the last few weeks and he later said then it was okay for me to participate. I was very disappointed that he spoke to me as if I was a salary thief and made me feel like I had contributed nothing to the team.

I understand it’s his job as a manager to do these conversation but the fact that my feelings get hurt by his words of ignorance is not fake either. Since then, I always felt that he’s holding a magnifying glass and looking for my faults. But I cant justify if he is really picking on me or not, I could be overthinking.

These overthinking got worsened when the deadline was approaching. I doubt my contribution unless I worked until 6pm or even 8pm or 9pm of the day. Sometimes when I left on time I need to worry if the manager would see me as a non-contributor again. Sometimes I would imagine what if my manager picks on me again, and how I should face the conversation. (I had all these unjustified bad thoughts on my manager)

Unfortunately the project was delayed by a week. I was working over Christmas until the last day of 2021 to deliver the project.

I took the first week of 2022 off as a present for my hard work. This morning I had a phone call with my mum and told her about the project (she knew the stories I had with my manager). I told her there’s still bits of project that need to be done but I had checked with the senior on the team and the senior said it’s okay for me to take the week off. My mum disagreed and said I should keep working to get those bits done and only then I should rest. I felt so irritated because I was already in worries and anxiety when taking the week off. I was trying hard to calm myself from the work burnouts and my mum just destroyed my hard-collected confidence that I should take a rest.

I didn’t argue with her but her words had made me anxious again, and I am getting irritated by it.

What happened to me and what should I do?

[Croix]

Dear Escape Crowd~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. It was a good move of yours to come as you can get ideas from others who have been in the same situation.

I guess there are three things gong on.

The first is you have been working extra hard for an extended period, and despite your efforts, and I presume the rest of the team, things took a little longer than anticipated. Well projects do overrun their scheduled time very often, sometimes due to unexpected snags, sometimes due to unrealistic estimates by those in charge.

Such extra work, especially if not appreciated, can do you no good, quite the opposite, it leads, as you know, to burnout. By taking reasonable steps to compensate for this -the mini and the week off - you are only looking after your needs, something yoou company seems to have ignored. You did the right thing checking with your team leader about the week and the mini was not just you, but other staff and again a reasonable thing to do.

The second problem is management. A manager that opens his mouth wihtout checking the facts first and not knowing his staff. A company that sets unrealistic deadlines and has no back up plan except to overwork staff, and one that does does not seem to take staff welfare into account.

Thirdly your mum. Now I don't know her or what she was thinking. Sometimes older generations are very frightened of their offspring not having a job or not working extra hard all their lives without a break to excel. I've really no idea.

What I do know is you are an asset to any organisation, work as part of a team, act responsibly and try your best to look after your health.

It is all very well for me to say this, and also that you need to have the self-confidence to realise you are in the right - without doubting yourself.

So what to do?

I would suggest you try to simply try to enjoy your time off with plenty of pursuits and hopefully some social activity to take your mind off work. Do you have any plans?

If you find this weights on your mind unduly over a long time then I'd suggest talking it over wiht a freind who you regard as sensible, and if that is not possible maybe see your GP or the the HR section of the company, if they have one and you felt it appropriate.

So what do you think?

Croix

[Escape_Crowd]

Hi Croix

Thanks for the lovely and heart warming reply. It’s very helpful when there’s someone who can sort these stories out logically for me so I can stop putting all the blames on myself and stop doubting myself.

Yes, I agree that I would have felt much better if my manager could check out the facts with me first before throwing out his assumptions. Although he did encourage me to correct him if he’s wrong but it still didn’t feel good. What I felt the worst throughout this project is the lack of appreciation on my contribution.

As with my mum, I can imagine that she’s worried that I got picked up by my manager again for taking leaves without sorting everything on the project (as you have suggested she’s frightened that I would lost/suffer at my job). I can understand her rationally but just not emotionally.

As for the break, I’m planning to tick off some personal errands/tasks that I didn’t get time to do over the last few months. And after that depending on how the COVID outbreak at my place is going, I might visit some nearby suburbs to explore the area. And also some time to pick up the hobby that I didn’t get energy to do last year.

And about seeking help from others, yes I have been thinking about that, and to be honest it’s not easy for me because I rarely had these conversation, and maybe that’s the reason people around me thought that I’m doing well.

I have a sister who’s also a manager. I’m unsure if I can consider her sensible as I’m worried it could be a manager defends manager thing. But if this keeps weighing on me I might talk to her sometime and see what advices she could give me. And also talking to friends and if that still doesn’t work out then look for a GP.

Anyway, I still hope it would fade away with time.

Thanks Croix for telling me that I have done my part responsibly, this really makes me feel a lot better. And also writing my stories here has helped me vented myself.

But I guess I need to learn to manage these stress/feelings and manage the project more properly, as this is not going to be the last time I have to go through these stuff?

Thank you once again, and hope you have a happy new year!

Escape Crowd

[geoff]

Hello Escape Crowd, and thanks Croix for your reply and detailing the possibilities which have helped, so I'm wondering if could type this in your browser 'online test for OCD' just to qualify before you see your doctor.

Would like to know the results if possible.

Geoff.

[Escape_Crowd]

Hi Geoff

Thanks for the reply. I just took a simple quiz from psycom and my results is mild.

I do have the need of holding door key in my hand before closing the door and leaving the house as I had locked myself outside a few times previously, and it costed quite amount to call a doorman.

And my urge of need for checking normally takes place at work due to my past experience of handing in work with basic errors. ( I could be quite sloppy)

I would also normally re-read my post on public places (like on Facebook or forum like this) a few times to make sure it sounds right and easy to read.

I might vacuum if I spot visible dusts, or clean sink or bathroom, mirrors etc if they are dirty as I found it relaxing, but I’m also totally fine if they are left in their way as long as they don’t attract pests. And in fact leaving them aside is what I usually do.

I just did some research online on ocd and found that I do worry of judging others unfairly and will doubt myself, and start thinking what I could do better next time.

Hope these helps and if you have any advice would love to hear.

Thanks.

Escape crowd

[geoff]

Hello Escape Crowd, terrific and many thanks for doing this as what you said in your original post indicated signs of OCD, although I'm not a qualified doctor but have had this illness myself for many years.

I only wanted you to find out whether or not you feel as though you have it, and it can be of different degrees, mild, moderate and/or severe, that's not for me to determinate but just want you to let your doctor know, then they can provide some medication, which I take and may want to refer you onto a psychologist.

Ask your doctor about the 'mental health plan', which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year, but you need to be able to freely talk with them, if you can't do this, then you need to find another one with the help of your doctor.

Thanks so much for being so prompt.

Geoff.

[Escape_Crowd]

Thanks Geoff! I will keep that in mind if I visit a doctor! And thanks for pointing out possibility that I have never considered previously.

Have a great new year!

Escape crowd