Hi Tiani,
Thank you for sharing such an honest first post. I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling. It sounds like things are feeling really difficult and that you're in quite a dark place.
It can feel daunting to seek help but you deserve the support and care of the people around you (and professional help if you feel like this is what you need). You may find it helpful to read the stories and experiences of others on these forums, they may be able to offer some hope and support.
Writing may feel like a safe place to start - expressing what has happened, what you're feeling, and what you need - it can be a helpful exercise as it makes you organize your thoughts and externalise all the pent up emotions and thoughts that are ruminating. It can also help you see your thoughts from a different perspective.
Do you feel there is someone you are close to who you trust and can talk with about what you're experiencing? Has there been anything in the past that has helped you get through when you have been struggling?
Helplines are also an option if you prefer to be anonymous when talking to someone about how you are feeling - whether that is online chat or via phone. Beyond Blue has a list of the various phonelines and groups that you may wish to consider and access (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/national-mental-health-helplines-support-groups).
Please know that this space is here for you - it is non-judgmental and we are here to listen if and when you feel up to sharing. Take care.
