Found out some horrible news and it's really getting hard to cope

[harrison.c]

Hey guys, only my second post here and I still don't really know how to start these but i'm doing what the person that replied to my first thread said and continuing to write on here.
I've had a pretty rough couple of last weeks as i've just found out my father has lymphoma and his chances are pretty slim because he has a lot of other problems due to his liver and It's REALLY knocked me down.
I have never really had a good relationship with him, it has always been sort of awkward I really don't know why, we're both pretty socially awkward people though, i feel particularly worse because we've just never really got on well, a lot of arguing and just not a normal father son relationship. He's had a rough childhood too was adopted at a pretty young age.

I can truly say now that I know I've taken him for granted.. he does so much for me and my family, he's a full time carer for my mother who has Multiple sclerosis and he helps me with pretty much everything because i'm still 24 living at home unemployed with some pretty bad mental health.
He's in hospital at the moment, I've been visiting him and all I want to do is tell him how sorry I am for the way I've treated him and tell him all the good things about him and that I love him and everything he does for everyone but I cant really.. he's so out of it and tired and sick, It's absolutely breaking me and I feel like this will take me over the edge if he doesn't recover. I've tried talking to friends and family and it does help a little but the realization of losing my father when I come home and sit alone with my thoughts just makes me break down.

[Ebi]

Hi Harrison.c,

I'm sorry to hear about your father's illness. It is so difficult to exist in the uncertainty of illness. And so hard to see your parent so sick.

I just wanted to say that if you possibly can... say what you want to say... Tell him that you love him, tell him that you know and appreciate all the things he's done for you and the family. Say it now, don't wait. Say it often. Repeat it as often as you can. It will be healing for both of you.

Thinking of you, Ebi

[Hang10]

Hi, Harrison C

Welcome to Beyond Blue, Ebi post is one worth following. Time is limited for all of us in life but the now is most important. The past can be healed and today words and action will have great merit.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself about fighting with family. I think of no family that are perfect with no fights or disagreement, you can love someone still and not get along with them. Life is hard, you had your mental health issues and you are getting stronger all the time.

I would write a letter and get him to read it if he able to. Writing is a great way to express your emotions when words are hard to come out. Express yourself that way may help you deliver more that in your heart and for you to feel that you can offer.

If he not able to read than like Ebi has gracefully said tell him many times in words, talk about things that will express healing and positive emotions.

I shore your father loves you, it sounds like he had his battles. I also don’t get along with my father who let me down so often but fear a day will come like yours and have to go thru these emotions you going thru. Express your heart, be yourself and know that the end result is most important. You sound like your forgiven him and that is a blessing for both of you.

Take care.

All my best.

Hang 10

[harrison.c]

I will do my very best to say what i'm feeling to him, thank you Ebi for the encouragement and kind words it means so much.

[harrison.c]

I actually didn't think to write a letter, I will do that tonight and give it to him tomorrow! Thank you so much for the big reply I really needed this today

[harrison.c]

About 4 years late but I just wanted to say thank you for your words here 🙂 
My father passed and mother shortly after but I have been through the worst of the grief and hit my rock bottom and bounced back. I think about them every day and I really truly appreciate them so much more now knowing I was extremely lucky!