Loneliness

[Living57]

Do you ever get lonely even when there are people around you?

Do you feel as if you want to be alone, but know that it will make your depression build up?

How do you deal with it?

I find that lately I want to cry, for no particular reason, I feel low, I feel as if no one cares, the black dog circles waiting for his moment to jump and hold me down.

I am asked by my daughter if everything is alright, and I say oh yes, I'm just a bit tired. I dont know how to explain it to her, and that makes me feel bad. My two grandsons aged 5 and 10 make me smile, but it's hard, and I try to be """normal""" for them.

I try hard for everyone. I have forgotten how to care for myself, and i really cant be bothered if the truth be known.

I have no friends, so dont do coffee mornings or have someone to chat with and pass the time of day. The ones I had didnt understand my mental illness and slowly pulled away.

I find my being alone, which I once enjoyed, I am started to loathe, but I dont want people. I am in a catch 22, like the mouse in a wheel.

I feel like I am standing on the edge of a giant black abyss, perpetually looking down, wanting to step off, but not wanting to at the same time, something and I dont know what is holding me back.

My depression runs my every waking moment, and my nights too, not allowing me to sleep, creating chaos in my head, questions - no answers, sadness, upset, anxiety, panic, negativity, no matter how tired I am, it keeps me awake.

I dont want to give in to it, but I cant feel myself sliding along towards it, and it's getting quicker and quicker and I am have troubling stopping myself for long enough to turn around and get away.

so what do I do? I have no idea.

I just want to put it down in writing, hoping it might help me, and maybe, just maybe, somebody out there understands.

[Lost4eva]

Dear Living57,

Thank you so much for being in contact with the forum. You have articulated so well, the feelings some of us have.

Please know that you are not alone. Many of us have these feelings.

The question I face is what to do with them; how to improve my mood.

My first thought- counselling. Some people find this useful and others not. In my experience, it depends on finding the right counsellor for you. Even calling the helpline from this website may be useful?

My second thought is exercise. I find that dragging myself, even for a few minutes for a walk around the block does wonders.

Do you go to counselling or do any exercise Living57? What do you find helps you out of this 'hole'?

[blondguy]

Hello Living57

Thankyou for having the courage to write such a heartfelt post

I hear and understand you about feeling lonely when surrounded by people. This is an awful feeling to have. There are many people on the forums that also have similar feelings as we do

Just out of respect to you....I used to have chronic anxiety attacks (that I left untreated for years...oops) followed by depression which is in recovery now.....I am 59 and it does get better....seriously

I really like your post as you never mentioned that you were fighting the depression/anxiety. This is very proactive as fighting depression and/or anxiety will only exacerbate these awful feelings

Can I ask you if you have one or two people that you can have a talk to when you are feeling isolated? (support network) Excuse me for the other question yet its important...Is your GP/counselor providing the support you really need at this time?

You are not alone and thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue forum family too 🙂

I really hope you can continue to post with us!

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Living57]

Hi Lost4eva

Thank you for caring.

Over the years I have tried counseling but I have never been able to click, find at times they were condescending.

I walk, albeit slowly and not far. I have osteoarthritis, raynauds, and a fractured spine, which holds me back a bit. That's life.

Anyway I just wanted to say thanks

[Living57]

Hi blondguy

Thank you. I am 60. Gave up fighting years ago, now I try and cope and deal with it, the fighting seems useless.

I do not have counsellor, but I have an amazing doctor, I will be travelling nearly an hour to seem hom as I am moving, another story in another post I have on here.

I have nobody to talk to. My friends could not handle my mental illness and never understood that comments like get over it are pointless.

Anyway thanks

[Lost4eva]

Dear Living57,

Good to hear from you!

I am sorry that you cannot walk that much due to your conditions, but glad that you can get around a little at least. Do you go outside and get some sunshine? Sometimes just the feel of the sun on my skin for a few minutes can help cheer me up.

My mother is in her 70s and she struggles with being alone so much, so we bought her an iPad and showed her how to use Facebook. It was hard at first, but now that she has got the hang of it, she is actually better at it than me and it has helped to improve her mood considerably.

Mum posts messages to her friends - some of whom she never sees anymore, or hasn't seen in years. It also helps her to keep in touch with my cousins and her grandchildren - all from her lounge chair which she can use day and night 24/7.

My mum just loves Google. She doesn't understand it at all, but she loves how it can answer your random questions such as how to grow Bird of Paradise plants from seed!! She has also joined groups who talk about birds and another that post pictures of plants etc.

You must be already good at using the computer Living57?! I don't think my mum would understand how to use a forum such as this. Have you thought about using Facebook to connect with people or groups?

Anyway, you have this forum and people are here to chat - so please let us know how you are going. It is nice to stay in touch 🙂

[Lost4eva]

By the way, I forgot to add that you can use Facebook from any computer - you don't need an iPad. My mum doesn't have a computer, so we tried to get her something simple to use.

The other thing I thought of was the local library or community centre. Do you have one of those near you? If you do, they often have groups you can join for a chat, or to knit, or to read … many different purposes, but all social and you can come and go whenever you want. They are usually free to join and can be helpful to meet people, especially if you have just moved home. Sometimes the council can provide transport to and from too.

I hope this is a little helpful.