Loneliness and Self Loathing

Raven666 · ‎26-08-2015

I keep feeling like everyone has left me. Like I'm all alone in this pathetic useless world. I can't stop feeling so much contempt and hatred, anger and rage at this fascist of a society. I feel like i'm sick in the head. Like there's something wrong with me. Some poison in my system that's changing me. Damaging me. My intellect sets me apart from others, I'm not easily fooled. I know all the Psychology and Reverse Psychology that people use against one another and how everything is all me me me and no one gives a damn about us. About what we want and feel. I keep feeling as if my own flesh and blood family has abandoned me. Like no one has my back. No one to turn to and no one to lean on. I feel all alone as I fall into a deep black abyss that no one can pull me out of let alone understand it. People mouth adages and courtesies and pleasantries at each other never meaning anything what they say. They just want to talk about themselves or take your money and don't care about the damage they're doing. I am so sick of this place and so sick of myself. So much hatred, rage, loathing is poison....

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Neil_1 · ‎26-08-2015

Hi there Raven666

Thank you for coming to Beyond Blue and for lodging your post.

It seems your life has been riddled with hurt and little or no, love or caring.

I have read your other post in the Trauma area and was deeply shocked to read all that has happened to you.

While I’m hearing you with your hatred and rage and identifying it largely towards society in general, I’m really glad you’ve come here because on this site, we ARE people – we’re just on the other end of a computer/keyboard. But we are real, we are genuine and we care, we support as best we can and also some can provide some wonderful responses and guidance, advice, generally gained through their own experience and life’s journey.

I’m pleased you were able to unload and I hope by doing so, it kind of felt good for you to do so – I know for myself, when pent up, if I simply type things down. Emotions, how I’m feeling, what’s causing me angst, stress – just let your fingers fly on the keyboard, it can help. I put it in a word document, title and date it and then it’s there.

May I ask when you say about people talking about themselves, taking your money and don’t care about the damage that they are doing – it concerns me, as I’m not sure which group of people you’re referring too here? Would it be past psychologists that you’ve been to see? But if so, I just wonder why they would be bringing up themselves as part of therapy for you?

I’d really like to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

Kennaugh8 · ‎26-08-2015

Hi Raven666,

Do you have any family that you re able to talk to about any of this? I understand that you feel very alone and isolated with your thoughts but being able to talk with just one person can make such a big difference. If not, my first suggestion would be to book in to see a GP who can refer some specific help to you in the form of a psychologist who will be able to help you with these thoughts. Are you currently working? If so, is there someone in HR who can offer some assistance? BeyondBlue is a great forum to express your feelings and there is always someone to listen to you who cares. When dealing with things like this, it is important to establish as big a support network as possible so you WILL have those people to lean on and and turn to when you need them. No one should ever have to go through this alone and you are no exception! At the very least, please keep reaching out on this forum and know that you can find someone who wants to help.

Stay strong,

Raven666 · ‎26-08-2015

Hey kennaugh and neil, thanks for posting. I have seen a new GP who seems to know what she's doing. I haven't worked in 3 odd years. My GP has got me on antidepressants and I have an appointment with new psychologist next week. No I don't really have anyone in my family to talk to, they can't or wont understand what i've been trying to say. It is past psychologists who just don't give a damn. I used to write weekly in a journal about the week i've had and events and my emotions and all that but I can't articulate properly. And I can't really just let my fingers fly over the keyboard because i have a tendency to swear a bit and I can't do that on here.

I have had problems with a lot of people, because I don't seem to be as a bad as I am. I don't show physical signs or outward shows of emotion. I'm self aware and I know whats wrong. I'm a logical person. And I have a tendency to be dismissed a lot (refer to depression thread "what do you do when no one will listen?") It's because i show no outward signs and can stay in control for the required amount of time until i can get back home and then i shut down.

Yes!2Life · ‎25-04-2018

Mate .. I don't know much apart from the way you hurting and your post reminds me a lot of my own mindset, apart from the family part. I am somewhat lucky enough to have that. But, I do feel abandoned by my partner, lost at sea and swimming to find my island of refuge. Some people can be so .... (less said the better).

But in all this, YOU MUST believe, there is LOVE and AFFECTION out there. Still alive!
I promise you to keep seeking that, relentlessly .. Vibrate with that and you will attract the same. I am trying all these things myself as I seem, much in the same boat.

Also, we are here for you..
GOD bless. Amen

Yes!2Life