Living In Australia Help

[ogtbird]

Hi,

This is a difficult post. I moved to Australia about 12 years ago from the UK. I tried hard to make AUSTRALIA and Western Australia my home but I struggled so much being away from family and friends in the UK. I also found Western Australia very insular and remote.

I bought houses had kids got a permanent visa to try and mask the underlying feelings about living here. Fast forward over a decade my marriage has failed and I just exist seeing my son a few times a week working a job I despise. I havr hardly any friends due to my marriage breakdown. I have no idea where to turn to. My son is only 7 and he to will be affected by the apathetic and negative attitude towards the country I tried to call home. I feel trapped and just feel like ending it all. I just cannot be bothered with life anymore. 

[Croix]

Dear Ogtbird~

You sound very down, and in that state, as least when I have been the same, everything can look black and hopeless

You do indeed have a lot that is not right, being short of money, only seeing your son intermittently, and being isolated wiht a poor job. I can see why you might have no faith in a  GP or counselor, particularly if there is a gap fee you cannot afford. All that plus the ever present home-sickness too.

One thing I found was that isolation made things worse, there was only me and my predicament to concentrate on. At 7 years old I'd think you son might be in pre-primary. While I realize you go to work is there any way you can take part in school activities as a parent? It may be a way to be wiht more people.

Croix

[Summer Rose]

Hi Ogtbird

I think Croix has hit the nail on the head: the way we view a situation is often a reflection of how we’re feeling. I say this from my personal experience, too.

It follows that if you can lift your mood and/or treat your depression you can change the way you think and the way you see the situation. I know this is possible, as I have done it myself. I also know that it may be hard for you to see this now.

I hear you about not wanting to see a GP or counsellor right now and understand why you feel this way. I can only tell you that the only way to know for sure that a professional can’t help you is to stop trying. But please remember that, if you give treatment a chance at some point down the road, you will have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

Perhaps for now you could try, as Croix suggested, to get involved at your son’s school. Or, try to get outside for a walk each day. Or, try to engage in an activity you enjoy—reading, gardening, fishing—anything that you enjoy to help balance out the pain.

The challenging part about seeking help and healing from mental health issues is that no one can do it for you. Somehow each of us has to find the strength to fight for better days ahead. It’s not fair, I know, but I believe you can do this one small step at a time.

Kind thoughts to yo

[ogtbird]

Thanks for the responses it is much appreciated. The main reason my marriage collapsed is because of my negativity towards WA and AUSTRALIA. No counselling or medication will ever change that. Ever.

That said I am starting to force myself to try and behave more positively. I saw my son Friday and Saturday then met my girlfriend and a friend for a drink on Sunday. I’ve started to listen to a podcast called The Mindset Master and I’m writing a gratitude list each day.

Rather than talk about it I’m actively looking at researching two events that may occur in the next 6 months. First is me buying a small unit or apartment in WA. The second is the international parenting plan. Look at the financial feasibility of each. How they would work. Work on them like a project.

Thanks for listening it is much appreciated. More updates to follow ❤️🔥 

[Summer Rose]

Hi ogtbird

You sound like you’re currently in a much better place, I’m glad.

For what it’s worth, for your research, I’ve known two families over the years with international arrangements.

A woman with a son who returned to Australia from the UK following the breakdown of her marriage. Her ex had access to their son over several holiday periods a year. Another was a woman who left her husband and returned to the UK with their two children and again the father had access visits. Both arrangements involved the fathers travelling until the children were old enough to travel independently. I don’t know the details of how these arrangements were negotiated, paid for, or if or how it affected child support payments. I’m sure you will find out in time.

I’m really pleased that you’ve decided to try and be more positive. Two thoughts for your consideration.
I’m wondering, if you haven’t already tried this, if it might ease your homesickness to connect with other expats in Perth? Facebook likely has expat groups and you could also see if your local community has a Facebook group where you might connect with other expats. I only mention it as I used to long to talk to people about my home country who actually got what I was saying. 

I hear you when you say that your negativity towards Perth and Australia is strong and resolute. I’m not trying to change your mind, but gently want to point out that that negativity has cost you an awful lot. You might feel better if you could let some of it go.

I’m not saying you have to like Australia or Perth, but maybe you could like one or two things about them? It’s just that I’ve found over my life that rarely is anything or anyone ALL bad. If you look, you will usually find some redeeming feature. And finding this might help you feel less negative.

As I said, just my thoughts.

Kind thoughts to you

[ogtbird]

Just a bit of a background. I also broke my shoulder and wrist after my separation and spent 7 months in isolation in my house. I had just started a new job and I was paying rent plus mortgage on a property here in Australia and the UK. It is incredible how close I was to being homeless. I somehow got through it alone. Many friends both Australian and English (LOL) knew exactly that had happened but not many people reached to assist physically and mentally. Standard 'Are You OK' response LOL. 

Coupled with WA shutting it's borders for two years and the general terrible way Australia treated immigrants during covid (please leave) really sent me over the edge. I am not a covid sceptic at all but the whole experience has left a bad taste about Australia - one that I will possibly never recover from. So for me - living in Western Australia is just a means to an end. That's just life. 

I have started to get back in contact with other ex-pats in WA. I actually attended a concert last night here. 
 

So for me it's a case of getting on with things at the moment but working on the two project - apartment and international parenting plan.

Thanks for the support. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi ogtbird

I’m sorry that you did it so tough during Covid. Unfortunately, I don’t know many people who survived without any physical, emotional, psychological or financial scars. Myself and our family included.

I’m in Victoria, where we endured the longest lockdowns in the world. It really was a terrible time with far reaching negative consequences, and there were many decisions the government made that I didn’t agree with. Decisions that deeply hurt people. But I believe the people in power were doing their best in a very challenging situation without any malice. To be fair, mistakes were made by governments worldwide.

I’m not trying to negate your experience, just letting you know that you’re not alone.

For me and our family, it’s been a journey back to ordinary life and my daughter who has a serious chronic mental health condition is still struggling. 
At the same time, a lot of money was thrown at mental health and a focus on including “lived experience” voices in decision-making has emerged. I have embraced this opportunity and now volunteer on several committees trying to help shape positive change in the mental health ecosystem.

It helps me to feel less powerless and gives me a positive focus to direct my energy towards.

And for me, I can separate the government of the day from Australia and its people. 
Take beyond blue and this wonderful forum as an example. A collective of kind, caring, supportive, inclusive, welcoming Australians. This is also Australia.

You take care and when you have time let us know how you’re going.

Kind thoughts to you