Living In Australia Help

[ogtbird]

Hi,

This is a difficult post. I moved to Australia about 12 years ago from the UK. I tried hard to make AUSTRALIA and Western Australia my home but I struggled so much being away from family and friends in the UK. I also found Western Australia very insular and remote.

I bought houses had kids got a permanent visa to try and mask the underlying feelings about living here. Fast forward over a decade my marriage has failed and I just exist seeing my son a few times a week working a job I despise. I havr hardly any friends due to my marriage breakdown. I have no idea where to turn to. My son is only 7 and he to will be affected by the apathetic and negative attitude towards the country I tried to call home. I feel trapped and just feel like ending it all. I just cannot be bothered with life anymore. 

[smallwolf]

hello,

Not sure if you are just venting or asking for something.... I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with feeling trapped and alone in a place that you tried to call home. It sounds like you've been through a lot and have been dealing with these feelings for a long time.

Is there anyone you have been or able to talk to? Have you considered speaking with a therapist or counselor? They can offer you guidance and support in working through these difficult emotions. Your son is lucky to have you as his parent and it's important to take care of yourself so that you can be there for him.

If you want to chat... I can listen.

[ogtbird]

It’s difficult. After we split my ex said she was disappointed I didn’t make more of AUSTRALIA but she has family here. I tried so hard.  I recently returned to the UK after 5 years my immediate family said they regret me moving to Western Australia. They also said they would support a move back leaving my son here as they hardly know him as they cannot afford the flight over here and now have zero interest in visiting now my marriage has ended. Made me feel even worse. It’s pointless talking to anyone. If there is a hell I am living it on a daily basis. I live somewhere I no longer have any desire to be paying child maintenance to see a child a few times a week. My son is not lucky to have me as I offer no parental guidance as I am no longer his full time father. It is a best a horrendous Groundhog Day going through the motions on a daily basis.

[Summer Rose]

Hi ogtbird

I’m really sorry to hear about the position you find yourself in. I know it’s tough.

I have lived in Australia for over 30 years now (marriage, house and kids like you) and understand how challenging it is to make a new country home. I struggled for many years. Homesickness is a universal powerful force that is deeply unsettling and painful. You are not alone.

It is, of course, possible for you to return to the UK, but you would need legal advice about an international parenting plan. Holidays and visits aren’t the same as weekly contact, but that doesn’t mean they’re better or worse. Just different.

But, the thing is, you won’t be returning to the country or people you left. Just like your life, everyone’s life has also changed and your country itself has evolved. Just something to think about. 
Your other option is to work on improving the life you have here. Look for another job, for starters. Try getting involved in your son’s school and extracurricular activities—this is a great way to meet new people and you already have a common interest, the kids. Perhaps you could aim to try and see more of Australia with your son—it really is a beautiful amazing country. Maybe you two could create some awesome memories that might help you feel more connected.

If you stay, my best piece of advice is to decide that you’re not going to wake up everyday wishing you were somewhere else. That’s no way to live. Make a conscious decision to appreciate your life and make the most of it.

Kind thoughts to you

[Croix]

Dear Ogtbird~

I'd like to join Smallwolf in welcoming you back. I'm sorry thinks have not worked as one might wish.

Apart from marriage breakup and lousy job I would not be surprised if homesickness did not play its part too. Mind you when I did go back ot the UK for a holiday after around 15 years I found it was a very different place from the one I remembered.

I do think you got some good suggestions from TonyWK in your previous thread some time ago, and while I"\'m not going to repeat them here they may be worth a re-visit

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-destroying-everything/m-p/557855/highlight...

Having a child you love, and getting on reasonably with you ex are both plusses though you may not be able to see that due to the depression you mentioned before (I could not see the good things eihter)

Can I suggest you get medical assistance, and if you have it already please have a frank talk wiht them and say the therapy/meds are not working effectively. I found there was a lot of changes and tweaking before I found something that worked well with minimal side-effects. Now I live a good life as a result, having remarried just under 50 (after my first wife passed away) - something that has been wonderful.

If you would like to talk some more here we would like that.

Croix

[ogtbird]

Thanks for the points all. I am getting in touch with my GP. The first hurdle is to stop wishing my life away. Whether that’s UK or Australia this is the first step.

[Summer Rose]

Hi ogtbird

I think that’s a courageous and smart move. Good on you!

I’d like to encourage you to make a double appointment, so you have plenty of time to talk it all through. And, of course, to wish you all the best for your appointment.

Please post anytime. We will all do our best to support you as you work through the process.

Kind thoughts to you

[ogtbird]

Hi - I decided to cancel my appointment. I cannot hide from the fact that I just don't like living in Australia. Specifically WA. It is nothing against the people or the country. There's no getting away from it. If I'm not settled now after over 10 years I'm never going to be. It's so isolated here I've felt trapped for the last 10 years. And now I need to ask permission to see my own son or go on holiday. It is no way to live. Especially when there is zero family support and very little friends. The route I am going to now proceed with is as suggested as international parenting plan. I think it is the only way out of this madness. Living in WA - I'm practically living paycheck to paycheck and with the rental situation one month away from being homeless. It wasn't meant to be like this. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi ogtbird

You’ve made a big decision. I’m wondering how you felt afterwards. Relieved? Scared? Excited? Sad? Determined? Or, maybe a mix or something else entirely?

I’d like to suggest that you sit with the decision for awhile and see how your feel in time. I wouldn’t share your thinking with your ex or your child at this stage, as this will cause fear and upset.
If finances are tight, it might pay to work out the costs of implementing your decision to ensure it’s feasible. Expert family law advice will be essential, as you don’t want to do anything that will damage your parental rights, particularly if you were to leave without a proper agreement and then seek to negotiate access to your son.

You might want to consider still seeing your GP and perhaps organising psychological support as you move through this process. It really does help to have a safe place to vent, explore issues and feelings and to manage stress.

Just my initial thoughts.

Kind thoughts to you

[ogtbird]

I don’t feel anything. Just numb. It’s pointless seeing a GP money I don’t have. Counsellor again money I don’t have. I don’t need to pay money for someone to tell me how to breathe or take meds. Look at my 7 year old son. Alone in Western Australia. No family. Nothing. What a miserable life he will have in this dump 😂 not seen or spoke to another human all week besides a 7 year old. I despise it so much here 😂