Life knocks you down sometimes

[Meeper]

Hi everyone,

I've had anxiety trouble my whole life and I've had depression before and come through it but now it's back too. This year I was really sick for months and it screwed up my hormones. It was right on the start of the uni semester which I was enrolled in two weeks behind everyone else due to an admin delay. I've been behind in that the whole way and I missed too much time at work and struggled to come back. I'm trying so hard to get my health back and my life on track but it feels like I'm getting nowhere. The depression is starting to erode my motivation so I can't see the point in even getting up in the morning. 

Before I fell down I felt so strong; I'd done so much to build myself up and work through my anxiety. Now I feel like a shadow of my former self and I can't think well enough to get myself out of my hole. My health is so poor but I'm anxious about food and it makes me panic so it's a huge effort to fix. I really suffer in the cold of winter as well because I have such terrible circulation. I'm so short on hours at work and in study that I don't have time to see someone for help. I know I have a lot of good things in my life and a lot to look forward to but I just can't seem to find the step I need to make my breakthrough this time. Each little thing that goes 'wrong' feels like a mountain I can't get past and though I'm still doing some good things I'm really down on myself over the bad things and getting really upset about my uni exam performance. 

If life would give me a chance to catch up that'd be great but it doesn't wait. So I keep doing what I can and try to stay open to the next day. Writing helps so I really appreciate being able to talk on here. 

[Lucymccey]

Hi Meeper,

This sounds exactly like what I have been going through. I know the feeling you get when you finally feel like the anxiety has gone and you are happy again, it feels like you are yourself again! Then all of a sudden it comes crashing down, and the anxiety is back along with the low moods. Each day becomes that little bit harder. Having to life a normal life, when everything is not quite right. I think it was worse for me when it did come back, it was like a nightmare. oh my god this can't be happening again, I used to think. What worked for me and I hope works for you as well because I know how debilitating anxiety can be, is to flow with it. I have found when I fight and fight and fight and fight and hate it, it gets so so much worse. I think of it like a seasaw, if I feed the bad thing with bad energy (hate) the scales tip out of whack. But. If I feed the bad thing with a good thing the scales stay even and its that little bit easier to deal with it. 

 The three things that helped me the most: 

1. Deep Breathing (3x10 sets in the morning, 2x10 in the afternoon and 3x10 before bed) 

2. Allow yourself to relax, don't feel guilty. Treat it just like a physical illness, if you were physically sick you would rest guilt free. 

3. Use it as a strength. - Understand that this is only making you STRONGER, understand that anxiety is apart of your life for the time being and it is only going to make you STRONGER. Use it to your advantage, get angry, get inspired, take on the world with anxiety by your side, don't run away from it 

4. Live in the present. I have learnt that if I live in the present and I stop anticipating what is going to happen next, what tomorrow will be like, my anxiety isn't there. In the present I have nothing to worry about, nothing to be afraid of. 

I sincerely hope this helps, my advice and own experience may not match the opinions or beliefs of others but this is what has helped for me. 

Last word - Keep doing whatever your doing. Trust yourself. Understand that the bad days CANNOT last forever and that you are so much stronger than you think you might be. You got this girl. You did it once you can do it AGAIN!! 

🙂 

[white knight]

Hi Meeper, welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Re: "Each little thing that goes 'wrong' feels like a mountain I can't get past "  yep- can relate to that feeling. And I have some disappointing news for you- it wont ever go completely away. This is because- its life. And those that havent accepted life for its ups and downs will feel its wrath. Life is uncompromising.

So what can we do? I have the answer but it isnt easy getting there. So read on for the secret!!

Imagine a weighing scale. one one side is doom and gloom, bills, bullies, injuries, alarm clocks, burnt spuds, loneliness etc etc. Put them all there. The scale will drop to that side. Now....place on the other side one item. The most adorable person, animal, thing you can imagine. Let's say its your let dog.

Now the trick. Imagine that your dog, his love for you, his licks, his companionship out weighs all of the negatives of life? If you can bring on that positivity then you will do it with everything in life. It is simply positive thinking. A lot of people are doing this automatically without realising it. Their upbringing or their genes dictate their views/attitudes on life. They breeze through life. We cannot. We need to work hard to bring ourselves back to the surface....where normal people are.

Also. With negatives there are always positives that are often hidden. I've suffered dysthymia and depression and bipolar2 all my life not to mention anxiety that I conquered. Without these illnesses there is no way I could have written th 300 poems I have in my library. Furthermore, many of these poems have gone to victims of crime or a parent that has lost a child through suicide.

It's only in the last 2 years I've realised how powerful this inner core of creativity has been. Google "stars with bipolar" and you'll be shocked how many entertainers have a mental illness.

So we might well be seen as odd but we are also creative, caring, emotional, passionate, loyal etc.

Your cup can be half full if you want it enough to be. Not half empty.

Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Meeper, hi and welcome to the site.

If anybody has not had to suffer from any type of depression, then they have no idea of the what damage it does to our mind, our personality, our association, and our desire for achievement in family life, work, study and social life, they can't even pretend to know because it's way out of their radar.

As Tony says 'it won't ever go away', but this doesn't mean that we are depressed all the time, because it's there floating around, but we learn on how to suppress it and then cope with our life, although it's never easy.

I am so sorry for your situation and is making your life struggle along, making it feel as though you are walking on the same spot and not progressing.

At the moment you have three problems which are holding you back, your health, work and then study, and all of these are all very important in their own way, but are also related to each other, because by having only one concern then leads onto each of the other two.

Which ever one of these needs attention first is only up to you to decide, but work pays your bills, however your health is extremely important as well, so perhaps you could answer this one.

You don't mention seeing anybody to help you, so even as though time maybe scarce it is valuable that you do go and see your doctor, because with these three problems there is no way you can recover properly, as each individual one needs to be addressed.

Hope you can get back to us. L Geoff. x