Just want to run away

[April30]

Hi,

Feeling like I don't know how to cope with life anymore. I don't know what to do with my life, an honestly because of my anxiety and depression I don't want to do anything, just want to run away from life an go live in the bush.. But yeah can't really do that.. Ive just quit my job (for a few reasons..) and am moving back to my parents for a bit while I figure out what I'm gonna do, but I really just feel like I can't and don't even want to deal with life anymore honestly..

Also one of my best friends, I kinda fell in love with him, but pretty sure he doesn't like me back like that. Which obviously he doesn't have to. But it sucks. Cause I really like him, an I just don't really know how to deal with the feeling of loving someone but like knowing they don't love you the same. Just like why am I not good enough why can't I be what he wants.. An I know it's not really about being good enough or not, people just like different people.. But it still really hurts.. But it's just kinda a confusing situation.. I've told him I love him. An he said he loves me too. But I feel like from how he acts he means it more as just friends.. Cause he's never actually asked me out or anything.. 😞

I wish I had no feelings because I just care way too much about everything and get way too attached to people and it just hurts. Every time. An I can't do this anymore. Sounds real wussy.. But I'm so done..

[Sophie_M]

Hi April30,

We can hear that right now you are feeling really overwhelmed and confused, and that sounds really understandable given all the big changes that have been happening in your life with moving back in with your parents and with your feelings for your friend.

It sounds like something that is weighing you down a lot if your confusion about your friend's feelings - is this anything that you have ever had a chance to speak with him about?  It might be that right now both of you are feeling unsure about the situation, wanting the other person to try and take action, and that in times like these, sometimes all you can do is try to have an open and honest conversation about things.

Something else that we've wanted to check in with you as well is that you've talked a few times about just not being able to deal with things anymore and wanting to live in the bush; have these feelings ever led to more serious thoughts, such as hurting yourself? We can hear that right now you are going through a really difficult time, and we hope that during this period you can keep safe and keep reaching out to us and other services like Lifeline if you need as well.

[April30]

Hey,

Thanks for replying. Yeah really overwhelmed with everything at the moment..

Well that's the thing I just don't know what to do about my friend because I feel like surely he can tell I like him.. He once was tryna get me to say how I felt but I said like I didn't wanna ruin the friendship an was too scared to say because I didn't know how he felt. An he said I wouldn't ruin anything.. But I was still too scared to say, but now I kinda wish i had of just said it.. But yeah I was too scared to make things awkward or weird cause I never want to lose him as a friend.. So now I'm stuck cause I want to tell him I really like him, but yeah I'm scared to because I'm worried I'll wreck the friendship.. And because everything being like its the guy who should say it an make the first move or whatever but then these days everything's all over the place so does it matter if I tell him? I just didn't know if I should tell him or not.. And I'm worried there's no point telling him anyways cause wouldn't he have asked me out if he liked me.. From what he says I feel like he might like me but then his actions don't always reflect that so I just don't know. But yeah, don't know if it would be better to just say it and get it out there an see what he says, least he said I wouldn't ruin the friendship. But I'm still worried it would.. Hopefully that all made sense haha I'm just tryna write out all this confusion that's doing my head in..

and um well yeah I just wish I never existed in the first at place, I don't want to be in my life anymore but I'm too scared of dying to do anything about that and I know I couldn't do that to my family.. So yeah..

[Ggrand]

Hello April30 ..

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums...and Merry Christmas...

Anxiety with depression can make some people feel trapped and yes..want to run away from everyone and everything...lI feel like that many times...The only thing with I found with running away is our anxiety and depression comes with us..,,

Just curious Dear April if you have some professionals helping you manage your mental health..if not is it something that you might consider?..Not wanting to deal with life anymore is maybe..depression..something your Dr. could diagnose and manage with you..

I am pleased that you can go back to your parents, to try and figure things out..maybe you can talk to them for some support..with your mental health...Most parents are great to unload our concerns onto to...with the love and care they have for you, they might be able to help you by talking through your concerns with you..

I’m sorry I’m not much good at relationships...

I think your thinking wrong..you are good enough, he loves you...Being best friends for a while shows that your good enough...maybe he is not ready yet to commit himself into something more then just a friendship...keep his friendship close to your heart dear April...and maybe as hard as it is be a little bit patient with him..and enjoy his company as much as you can...

Talk here anytime you feel up to it lovely April..hopefully others will call in with more relationship insight then I have..

My kindest and most caring thoughts April..

Grandy..

[Sophie_M]

Hi April30,

Thanks for getting back to us about things, as well.

Your worries about talking with your friend make a lot of sense, it's something that I think a lot of people can relate to. What's always hard about situations like this is that we do have to make a decision of whether to take a risk, not knowing what the outcome will be. At the end of the day, a lot of it depends on what you feel like is right to do in your situation; some people feel like that they need to talk and get things off their chest just for that clarity and sense of closure, and other people feel like that maybe right now things are too uncertain for them to try and do something new. 

No matter what you decide April30, I hope you know that we are here to support you in whatever ways we can, and that you can do something nice for yourself tonight to take care.