Just need a chat

[Guest_294]

So I just needed to vent my thoughts a little. I don’t have depression so I don’t know if it’s fair to post in this part of the website but it didn’t seem appropriate for the anxiety part either (which I probably align with more). Anyway, I am 18 and in uni - I work part time as a tutor through a company (which is amazing and I love) and as a mentor/tutor at my old school. The latter is the problem. I work 2 hours a week and every week since I started I have sat here for 2 hours doing absolutely nothing. This is the perfect chance for my brain to start telling me all sorts of things and now I am sitting here and trying not to cry. It feels like the other two girls that tutor are always helping out and consequently I feel both useless and like I shouldn’t be here - like they made a mistake in hiring me. I know I’m not as smart as they are but I just feel stupid sitting here watching them. It feels like I’m wasting everyone’s time and money being here and I don’t know what to do. I am literally just sitting here in a now empty library and have done nothing. Since the term started, I’ve helped 2 students - were in week 8. I know these thoughts aren’t founded but I needed to get it written down - helps me control my emotions a bit more and I don’t want to start crying in the middle of my old school library...I haven’t really asked a question yet. I suppose I want to know, does anyone else ever feel like they just want to break down and cry? Is it ever for something as ridiculous as sitting for 2 hours at work and doing nothing? I mean that certainly shouldn’t be making me as upset as I am. I suppose that’s my anxiety speaking isn’t it...? Telling me everyone is watching me fail at what I’ve been hired to do? I’m thinking I might just quit. Probably not worth all this stress.

[Croix]

Dear Guest_294~

I regret your question going unanswered for so long. It's not you, our system does not always work as well as we might like.

I guess the answer to your question is the basic strength of your relationship.The lengths of time apart are not really that great and as you do already, you can make use of Skype or similar.

My partner is someone who feels most comfortable chatting, and I'm only really in the mood for talk without a specific purpose sometimes. Politeness or concern will make me stick around and listen, inserting hte occasional comment.

My partner can easily tell I'm simply trying, not enjoying, and shoos me off to do whatever it was I had intended. I would expect something like a study tour would monopolize a lot of his attention.

Measuring the strenght of your bond cannot always be done by measuring talk. Perhaps you need to look at other indicators of care and thoughtfulness.

What do you think?

Croix