Will these feelings ever stop and go away?

Jonahs123 · ‎02-10-2019

Everyday I feel empty. I wake up feeling empty, I eat feeling empty, I fall asleep feeling empty. The emptiness doesn't seem to go away. On top of this I have a sense of guilt, but im not sure what I exactly feel guilty about. I'm more of a type to bottle up my feelings before releasing it all out at once, which i've noticed makes me feel even worse, but I can't really stop myself from blocking out my emotions until it gets too much. I dont know if anyone feels this or if its just me, but everytime I go out with friends or others I feel like i'm not mean't to be there,my mind tells me that they dont want me to be there, despite also knowing that they aren't showing any signs of rejection towards me. I just feel like i'm jeporadising their time of fun, I feel like i'm ruining it for them. But, I want to be there at the same time cause I don't want to miss out, I don't want to go back to school and have them talk about this event which I decided to skip. I don't want to be seperated and unrelatable. I'm really fed up of feeling like this. I can feel offended and sad about someones comment or something they did despite it being such a small matter. An example would be me getting upset and angry at my friend because after me continiously trying to spend time with him because he had something happen to him, but everytime he would find a way to tell me that he doesnt feel like going or that he can't go. I know deep down that he probably isn't feeling well and that he wants some time alone, but I can't stop myself from being annoyed at him. Will this ever stop? Why have I become so sensetive?

Aaronsis · ‎03-10-2019

Hi Jonahs123

It is so great that you have reached out to chat, I hope I can give you some words of comfort. I am no expert by any means however, I remember feeling EXACTLY the same when I was at school. You are absolutely not alone and so many people feel this way, it is so awesome that you can chat and get it off your chest, I think that is so positive.

I am speaking from my experience and to answer your question "Will this ever stop?..the answer is yes, and you are taking some good steps forward to ensure that. I was thinking, and I am not sure how you feel about this but some schools have some really good facilities for students to see or speak to over the phone a counselor. I know at my children's school they even have a well being room, in fact my daughter goes there a bit, she is 13. It is just a chill out space and there is a teacher there that you can just chat to casually and maybe play a board game and just take a break. I am not sure if this is something your school has but if they do this might be helpful to you too.

It is really hard when you have thoughts that you feel unwanted and that you are not meant to be there and I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Like you said though, your friends are not showing you any sign of rejection so that says to me that they do want you to join in and be apart of the fun times. Also the fact that you too want to be there, even if it is "just so you don't miss out" is a good sign that they are accepting of your friendship and want you to join in.

Your friend that has something happen to him is going through his own journey too and like you said, he probably isn't feeling well and does need some time to heal too and we all do that differently, but you have made yourself available to him and he will take you up on it if he needs to. I am going through some grief too and sometimes I want my friends around and sometimes I don't. I think though that it is important is to ask your friend to let you know what he needs, and he will confirm with you how he is feeling and tell you how you can help him and support him too. By you knowing what he wants will reassure you and help with you feeling annoyed at him.

Another thing I thought of is perhaps the Kids Help line...they are so wonderful and have a swag of experience so maybe a call to them will give you some great assistance too, the are on 1800 55 1800 or maybe jump onto the website and have a look around.

Hope to chat soon Jonahs123

Cheers

Jonahs123 · ‎04-10-2019

My school doesn't exactly offer similar things, but I have been seeing the school counsellor, which to be honest hasn't exactly helped. But, none the less has provided me with stratergies to manage thoughts. Your words are indeed encouraging and I truly appreciate your time! Thanks!

Aaronsis · ‎04-10-2019

Hey Jonahs123

Thanks so much for replying I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are.

I am so happy to hear that you have spoken to the school counsellor, it is a first step, can I encourage you to keep hunting until you find the right person, we don't always make the connection with the first person we chat to but I assure you that there is a counsellor out there for you, it may take a few people before you find the one that is helpful to you. I get that this could be a frustrating journey and perhaps the Kids Helpline will have people that connect better with you as they are experts in working with kids and young adults.

The fact that you have some strategies to manage your thoughts is also great, and very important too so I am pleased for you that you have got some tools to help you.

I am glad that you have found some comfort in my words and I am here for you to chat to anytime.

Do you have anything fun planned for the weekend? I am a massive AFL fan so I am sad that the football is over and I have to wait until next year..do you like football?

Hope to chat soon Jonah123

Sarah