Just having a bad day - vent

girl_interrupted · ‎04-12-2016

Feeling really crap today. Sometimes it helps to talk about it, but I'm not very good at that either. Slept in and after a cup of coffee I thought I'd put on a nice dress to go to the shops. I thought the distraction would help. It didn't. In fact I started to tense up the minute I got out of my car, tried to slow my breathing but just felt worse with each step. (social anxiety). Had to get a script from the chemist and had the intention of doing a bit of shopping while I waited but I couldn't breathe so I ended up sitting in my car and listening to music. That calmed me down but then I couldn't stop crying. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess. I hate feeling like this. I don't have anyone to talk to as I've become a total A hole and have no friends thanks to my mood disorder and long term depression and anxiety. Probably serves me right and I deserve everything I get. Sick of these mood swings. Already talked it over with doc. Says to amp up the dose again. Then I think what's the point really? I should go try another psych but I can't seem to change who I am so why bother trying. I'm so tired of everything.

Starwolf · ‎04-12-2016

Hey Girl_interrupted,

Sorry you're having such a bad day. Please keep in mind that mental/emotional unrest is something happening to you, not caused by you. There's no reason to beat yourself for the way you feel or the social isolation it has caused. You deserve respect and peace of mind just as much as anyone else. In my view even more than the average person because you are doing it tough. The majority of people don't understand what you are up against so they end up being unhelpful or withdrawing.

Perhaps it is time to search for a psych you can work with long term ? It is normal to feel disheartened when improvement eludes us. It doesn't mean we are to blame for this lack of progress. Often it has nothing to do with the inability to change. It can take several attempts to find the professional who's right for us and the treatment which suits us best.

Meanwhile, I'm with you now to let you know that you are heard. I wish I could do more but I'm glad you're not suffering in silence. Well done also for sitting in your car, listening to music. Many would panic, just because anxiety can be so scary...you didn't. You managed the crisis and stayed in control. Well done !

I hope whatever is left of today will be easier on you.

159357 · ‎04-12-2016

just keep going and practice good habits (sleep, eat) and even watch your blue light ray and UV ray exposure. Decide whether or not you want to isolate yourself or bring people into your life, sometimes u don't want to talk to anyone for long periods of times, and others u just long for a real friend. I hope you find something to help with your moods.

Moonstruck · ‎04-12-2016

Hello Girl Interrupted.....it's awful isn't it...that feeling - I've been in similar situations -( I hope I interpreted your words properly) - of "looking forward to taking myself somewhere, thinking it would "do me good"...such harmless everyday things that others without anxiety or depression do so easily - only to have to keep urging myself on, to go out the door, then into the car, then drive to the shop.

I understand completely your not wanting to get out - and being so afraid and breathless after the chemist. yes good for you for sitting there listening to music and just "being with that". No wonder you cried afterwards. You are sick and tired of feeling this way.

like Starwolf , I hope today got a bit better and more tolerable for you. I just related to what you said so closely, I had to reply. I'm having a pretty "nothing" sort of Sunday too - but no panic attacks - I haven't gone anywhere and it's very hot and oppressive. Turning the computer on and off to see if any email letters. Just wanting to pick up the phone and talk to someone - but how do you say "I'm feeling lonely and bored today - can you cheer me up?"

I am sick of mood swings too. My psych/counsellor has been great, very positive influence in my "healing" if that's what we call it - but like you I have to wonder "does it ever end? Do we ever get better? Does everyone have these colossal mood swings? Just wanted to tell you I sort of understand where you are coming from today - and tell you, you're not alone.

On days like these I long for the darkness of night to arrive....so peaceful sitting outside under the stars (I can't do that properly during the day - nosy neighbours in my unit block so I wait until night)

Big hug for you (if you like hugs)......

girl_interrupted · ‎04-12-2016

Thank you StarWolf. Your words mean a lot. I probably do need to find another psych. Just sux going thru the whole process of explaining things again etc. Thanks for listening.

girl_interrupted · ‎04-12-2016

Thank you for your reply. It is hard when you're so used to isolating. Sometimes it just seems easier to hide away from it all but ultimately that doesn't really achieve anything. I definitely need to improve my diet and exercise and sleep habits. I just don't have the motivation to go out and buy decent food, let alone cook for myself. I probably should get a flatmate so I'm not so isolated but living with someone else is too stressful for me. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

FeyChildLovelylicious · ‎04-12-2016

Hi Sweetie.

I'm new here and I saw the title and I felt compelled to read the post. I totally get bad days too. I work in an industry where some "men" feel like it's their right to be sleazy. That always make me anxious and quite angry some days. On those days I really need to vent. I have friends that just hold my hand or just sit there and allow me to get it out in my own time. Because they know that the love is reciprocated.

I'm happy to hold your hand.

Are you into oracle card readings? I'd love to do a card reading for you, if you are. Its a laugh, just for some fun.

My prayers are with you with lashings of fairy dust.

Love

FeyChild

XOX

girl_interrupted · ‎04-12-2016

Thanks Moonstruck. I kind of avoid people in general, especially nosy neighbors - I'm also in a unit block. Sometimes I wish I was Harry Potter with an invisible shield lol. This is what happens when you spend too much time alone. You daydream and fantasize too much haha. Anyway I am feeling a little better after listening to classical music. I find it very calming. Doesn't stop the river of tears, but still it's probably good to let it out once in a while. I'm not sure which part of me I need to work on most: anger, stress, anxiety, depression, low self esteem, social anxiety.. (ahhhh i could go on forever with my morbid trivia). I guess I need to work on everything, a little bit at a time. I appreciate you taking the time to listen and show your support. Thank you x

girl_interrupted · ‎04-12-2016

Thank you FeyChild. That's very kind of you. I've really lost touch with my spirituality and I don't really have a lot of faith in anything much these days. I suppose it couldn't hurt to have a reading, but maybe first check with the BB crew that you can post that kinda stuff. Maybe you could start a thread there if others are interested? Otherwise I appreciate the sentiment, thank you.

FeyChildLovelylicious · ‎04-12-2016

Thank you. Those are great ideas. I will put it through as a thread, and if its accepted, we can do it there. I will let you know!.

Other than that, the offer to be here with you, anytime, for whatever reason, still stands.

Love

FeyChild

XOX