It's all getting too much again

Jo3 · ‎01-10-2014

I am feeling very stressed, crying and not too good. Depression is so horrible, i hate it so much. I have a shocking headache - all I want to do is hide away forever and ever or to run away as fast as I can and never be found. Going to bed after i finish here, my head hurts.

There is too much on my mind - this saturday is the auction of our home. I am stressing about finances again, work issues and I feel I am not coping. I need to tell someone that i am not coping, my head hurts and i just want to go away. I had a terrible emotional day yesterday at the hospital doing a session. Everything seems too hard at the moment.

It's day 10 of not speaking to my mum or dad - see they don't care about me. I may as well go, not thinking need some sleep

Jo

Jo3 · ‎26-10-2014

Hi Mares

I wrote about my mum and her phone call under Women - I feel so alone,

Stress at the moment is high - house still not sold, I am actually getting sick and tired of making sure the house is spotless for inspections and then having to go out for 1/2 hour along with the dog and MIL. It's such a huge process and it's annoying me. I feel like taking it off the market and waiting a few more years.

I'm working tomorrow and then in the afternoon I have a phone interview for another pharmacy assistant position in my town and I used to work there 5 yrs ago. This will be an easy transition as I know all the staff and the pharmacist. If I get through the interview tomorrow I will then have an interview with the pharmacist. This job will be more hours than what I currently do but I have no choice, I need or we need the extra money. And if I don't cope well then I will drop back a day or two and explain to the pharmacist the reason why. Just hope hubby understands.

Mares, how are you? I often wonder how you are and how you're coping.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon

Take care my friend

Jo xxx

Jo3 · ‎29-10-2014

Hi everyone

I had a session with my psych yesterday afternoon. We started talking and somewhere came up the word "attention seeker". He said to me that I crave the attention from others because I never got it from my mum or dad and my family at home. He said he feels that this is why I struggle because I need people's attention, not that I am the centre of attention in a social setting or in a group; it's just that I need the attention from others. Sitting there and hearing this made me cry. I hated him and I told him that he was right, he was so right. How did he know? I kept on crying telling him that this is so right and I feel ashamed and embarassed to admit to it.

He wants to continue this discussion at next session. I know its a BPD trait and I have probably had it since a child - i just don't know what to do about it.

My regular therapist called me as he does weekly to "check in on me" and see what my goals are for the week. I told him about the session and he understands what my pysch is saying and he will help me work through this.

Jo

white knight · ‎29-10-2014

Hi Jo,

While there might well be truth in your condition that includes attention seeking, I would be concerned if your character did not include reaching out to others at the same time. It is hard to admit something that sounds demeaning and "attention seeker" is so, I would be upset if it was said to me. But truth be known I have a degree of it too. Maybe we can start up a club? Aussie attention seekers anonymous? lol. Elvis craved it as did most show biz people!! You could joke with you psych and tell him its your famous side as a Caberet singer lol

You have posted regularly to others here particularly in the last 3 months, putting your own worries aside to help others. So I suggest you take the term on the chin and get any advice you can from your psych on how to remedy that trait. So it is balanced isnt it? yes it is. You are not just an "attention seeker". That's maybe a negative side not the whole picture of Jo the person.

You Jo, have done very well lately with only minor hiccups. You were one step forward and two steps back, now you are two forward and one back. That is progress.

Tony WK

Jo3 · ‎29-10-2014

Hey Tony

I guess it's true that the label "attention seeker" is just a small part of my disorder and a part of me. I am a caring, sensitive, loyal, friendly person one that cares so much what others say. I have a session tomorrow with my regular therapist and we are going to talk about it and hopefully we can work together on this.

I think I was upset (and still am) because I feel that that is not the true me; and it hurts to confront this head on especially after hearing my psych say it to me or suggest it to me.

I just don't want to be judged by others or feel that others will think that - "oh yeah Jo she is so attention seeking, she loves being the centre of attention" - NO that is not me at all - if anything I would hide away.

Ha ha Tony - an attention seeking club - wouldn't it be funny to see who would get the most "attention" LOL

Hey Tony, how have you been, I always talk about myself (see attention seeking!!) and don't ask about you. I hope you are okay, oh I read somewhere that you make fantastic custard cookies - might have to get the recipe!!

Take care my friend

Jo xx