Like so many threads I have read, I am also new to this.I have so many
things going wrong in my life, am not sure where to start. I know not as
bad as some, but from my position I am sinking fast.I am a 36 yo male.
married with 2 kids.I have suffered...
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Like so many threads I have read, I am also new to this.I have so many
things going wrong in my life, am not sure where to start. I know not as
bad as some, but from my position I am sinking fast.I am a 36 yo male.
married with 2 kids.I have suffered with depression for many years, I
only recently realised this when I lost my job and went to counselling.
I have been on medication for the past year, I have been on multiple
types, but I feel nothing seems to be working. I have tried multiple
counselors and psychologists and psychiatrists and GP's but feel that
they are not listening to me, with some of them I am scared to say how I
really feel as I am scared of being admitted to a Psych ward and loosing
my job and family.I have a terrible blackness that follows me around, I
can never seem to fully shake it and i always see the worst in people
and myself. I know realise I have had this for many years but never new
what it was and just thought everyone felt the way I did.I constantly
think of committing suicide and have a couple of very detailed plans and
have made a couple of attempts. When I have my worst days, about once a
week, this seems like the most sensible and logical decision.I have
always thought that I was a caring person and looked out for others
especially those close to me. I have recently developed an
uncontrollable rage and anger for the majority of instances I can not
actually tell you what sets me off, but I go completely off the handle
bars!my poor wife and kids have seen to much and she is threatening to
leave me, which gets me angry. i have not hurt her or the kids and never
would, when i calm down and reflect i think of what they witnessed i am
ashamed. I do not know how to control it or where it came from or more
so how to get rid of it.Any thoughts on finding my way or dealing with
my anger would be greatly appreciatedAs I could not bear the thought of
loosing my wife and kids, they are everything to me.beyondblue’s
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