Hi Mares, Jo and all the wonderful folk of Beyond Blue
These two items listed in the subject heading of this thread would be key factors in so many of our lives.
Avoidance is something that I deal with pretty much on a daily basis. Having to go to work - for 5 days a week, well it DOES happen each of those days and on multiple occasions. It gets real hard you know. And you get yourself all worked up about things ... of having to make the 'small chat' as an example and really all it is, is a few words spoken, nothing much more and then move on; and the other person isn't out to physically harm you or taunt you (well, I hope not anyway), so what's the drama? I guess it's anxiety disorder. Let me digress for a small sec ...
Way way back when ... I got married ... I was 21 ... it only lasted for 18 months; and that's all good. But I have to paint the scenario ... so here I was just a shy country boy who had only moved to the city less than 2 years before and he was about to get married. Now in all the marriages/weddings I've ever seen, the Groom has to make a speech. And yes, sure enough, I had to do that as well ... and for weeks leading up to it, I was absolutely &(I&(*&(*^&^ myself!! (sorry I don't know what happened there, I tried to type the word, "&*^*%^^&" and it came out as &**^^%&% ... that's weird huh?) Anyway a mate of mine said to me in the leadup, "Mate don't worry ... it'll be absolutely fine ... it's a wedding, it's YOUR wedding. People will clap, laugh and cheer no matter what you say". And you know, they did clap laugh and cheer ... and it was good.
But the thing for me was I was so worried about the speech that I was just tense for the whole time leading up to that moment and as I was progressing through it, I felt, hey, this isn't as bad as what I was thinking it'd be.
The amazing thing after the speech was over, for me, the rest of the function/time absolutely flew by. I can't remember much about the rest of it, because the weight had been lifted and I was ok to continue as 'normal'.
Ok, so there you go ... another diversion from me.
I can't even remember ... oh, hang on, yes I can. It was how to roast ducks without spilling too much fat on the ... no no, this is the wrong website for that Neil ! Get your *&(&&(* together will you!
Self-Esteem is a tough one. Well so is avoidance, but I've already touched on it. But yeah, self-esteem can really rip you apart, from the inside out. And this is where depression and mental illness is such a cruel beast (and lazy). Because it notices that you're already low and feeling down ... so why pick you back up and punch you again, when it's much easier to lay the boot into when you're already feeling down.
So you're depressed or got anxieties, etc and then someone comes along and says something completely unwarranted (in any situation - hey, now I know why we do the avoidance thing ... to lessen the extent for something bad said to us) or something happens to us that affects us badly ... we see something, or hear something or even do something and bang, it's a massive kick into the guts and we feel even worse than we did before.
I don't know people ... why do I post stuff like this? I hear that a few of you actually read my stuff and for that I thank you. But really, what's it all about? Again questioning things? Who knows? Who cares?
Cheers
Neil
