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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Joe_Black1 Jezz is the name; Self Sabotage is my game.
  • replies: 7

Hi, my name is Jezz and I have depression. Not that "Black Dog" as some describe it, I feel like it's my dark side, whispering loathing thoughts and clouding my mind from the real world.I feel stupid even writing this. I'm in my early forties, marrie... View more

Hi, my name is Jezz and I have depression. Not that "Black Dog" as some describe it, I feel like it's my dark side, whispering loathing thoughts and clouding my mind from the real world.I feel stupid even writing this. I'm in my early forties, married, family, well-paid and I can't understand how I got here. I'm no good at my job, my boss hates me and my family think I'm a joke. I have self-sabotaged every good job I ever had, and my dark side helped prevent me from pursuing those things I once called dreams.I tried to kill myself when I was 13. My suicidal thoughts have been with me right through school, Army and now in the private sector. I have real trouble being able to relate to people - even my own family. They think I'm a joke and my kids don't have any respect or interest in me. I can't blame them. But they sure can blame me... and now my 10 year-old son has revealed to his teacher after much prodding that he wants to die.I have never spoken of my thoughts to him, but now he's feeling this way - has he picked these thoughts up from me?? My failure is now complete.If you've read this far - well done. I'm not sure what I'm doing here, but writing this out is bringing it all up and maybe it will help.Thanks for your time.

Notmyself To be someone other than me
  • replies: 5

Every day I wish I would wake up in someone else's life, maybe someone not so screwed up as me, I'm tired of being me, I'm tired of fighting myself trying to prove that I didn't chose to be this way, no one in my. Life actually cares to understand wh... View more

Every day I wish I would wake up in someone else's life, maybe someone not so screwed up as me, I'm tired of being me, I'm tired of fighting myself trying to prove that I didn't chose to be this way, no one in my. Life actually cares to understand what it is like to be me, I am always there for everyone else putting everyone before myself, recently tried putting myself first and to begin with it was nice, I had a back bone!! But sure a enough it's back fired and now I'm just there for everyone to call upon. I just want to wake up and not have to deal with everyone.... I can't express my feelings to my family I feel they judge and don't really take this seriously, it's just a phase.... They look at me like I do it for attention.... My friends don't understand, and my partner holds it against me constantly, he resents me for being me. And I hate it. I feel like a burden all the time I can't open up and be 100% honest about my own feelings because it somehow makes me a bad person, or I'm to I did it all to myself. Why can't anyone just know!!! Why can't anyone close to me tell me it's ok not to be ok!!!! Why can't someone just hug me and let me be who I am!!!! I haven't always been sad! But I didn't do this on purpose ! I want someone to understand and well someone to just listen and actually care.

Camelia My husband doesn't really like to discuss my depression
  • replies: 1

Hi. I am new to this forum. I have had clinical depression for over 15 years and have had several relapses over that time, including post natal depression. I have a great psychiatrist whom I can depend on and I respond well to my medication.Recently ... View more

Hi. I am new to this forum. I have had clinical depression for over 15 years and have had several relapses over that time, including post natal depression. I have a great psychiatrist whom I can depend on and I respond well to my medication.Recently however, I have been feeling like I was starting to relapse again, due to stress. I was starting to think of death, reading articles relating to death on the net and basically feeling quite morbid. I was starting to feel disconnected from my family and life in general and I know that these things are my warning signs. I have begun seeing my psychiatrist on a more regular basis and life is better. When I suffer from depression, my parents were always my greatest support. My father passed away in August 2010 and my mother 9 months later. Although I suffered from grief at that time I did not relapse. My husband doesn't really like to discuss my depression he just tells me to seek the help I need. However, I have never told any of my closest friends that I suffer from a mental illness. They think that I am very quirky and different and I think that a lot of people who suffer from a mental illness do see the world differently, in a very individual way. And I am proud to be that way. Some of my friends are very negative regarding mental illness and I am starting to feel isolated. They know something isn't quite right but why can't I just come out and say that I suffer from depression. When my parents died everybody was saying that I was so strong but I think my medication made me cope a lot better and it took a year for me to really start to grieve. But the grief was different to depression. Do other people hide their illness from those closest to them? My friends are my support network for practically everything but the support I really need is when I am starting to feel like I am going to relapse. If I had a physical illness people would offer me empathy, but sometimes I just want someone to ask "how are you feeling" or "are you ok". beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Sash978 Need to sleep!!
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone, I am currently in a rut. I am struggling with sleeping. Last night I got to sleep at 6.30am tonight so far it's 3am, I am going to the doctor to see if I can get something to help me sleep. I can't. Keep sleeping all day or forcing myse... View more

Hey everyone, I am currently in a rut. I am struggling with sleeping. Last night I got to sleep at 6.30am tonight so far it's 3am, I am going to the doctor to see if I can get something to help me sleep. I can't. Keep sleeping all day or forcing myself to stay awake when the alarm goes off. Please help

megaownz I think my depression is getting worse.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. Just joined tonight. Why? Because I need to talk about my depression, which I think is getting worse. I've had a few reasons in the last few years to be sad. After years of motherhood my children have all left home now. I think they call... View more

Hi everyone. Just joined tonight. Why? Because I need to talk about my depression, which I think is getting worse. I've had a few reasons in the last few years to be sad. After years of motherhood my children have all left home now. I think they call it "Empty Nest Syndrome". Add to that, Menopause has come into full bloom....hot flushes are not for the weak. My mother died 2 years ago now and then my mother-in-law died in hospital last November with me holding her hand. God bless her. I added up all these stress factors in my head and can see why I'm so sad. I'm grieving I guess. I have a kind husband who bravely listens to me.. I have no friends and unfriendly brothers and a sister. I have a part-time job that keeps some of my week occupied. I don't love my job but I'm grateful to have employment at this time of my life. I've started exercising as I read it helps with depression. It really helps but I'm very sensitive and I've never really been any good at anything in my life. I'm not attractive and I haven't got a sparkly bubbly personality like some popular people do. I largely get ignored or people just talk over the top of me if I'm telling a story. I try not to wallow in my depression too much so I read books, listen to upbeat music and try to keep my days occupied. It's nice to have a forum where I can vent. Thanks for reading this. I'll write again soon.

SykoticOrka New member - unsure if it is depression Ive got
  • replies: 3

It's late for me and I'm not sure if I'll be on to see replies.I've been debating whether or not I should even be here, but considering that things don't seem like they're getting better what choice do I have?I've tentatively done the self-diagnoses ... View more

It's late for me and I'm not sure if I'll be on to see replies.I've been debating whether or not I should even be here, but considering that things don't seem like they're getting better what choice do I have?I've tentatively done the self-diagnoses regarding depression, and I do know that there are several symptoms that are persisting.For starters, I've pretty much lost all desire to do the things I once enjoyed. I've spent the last few hours being unable to write or draw anything. In the past I loved it. For the past several months the interest has been waning. I remember what it was like to enjoy myself and this makes it worse for me knowing that I used to have fun.I have work tomorrow but I don't feel like it anymore. I have little desire to work and be a productive member of society, even though I know it's better than sitting around being a bludger. I can't make the effort to better myself.I feel heavy, fatigued. Sometimes achy. Easy to feel irritable and I get annoyed at small things. I have little to look forward to. Even sleeping feels meh because I know I have to get up the next day, and for what?A lot of the time I feel nothing is there. And when I do have feelings, the happiness is fleeting and my anger is somewhat... well, it involves self-harm. The pain I cause for myself somehow makes me angrier. And there's the negative self-talk. I rarely encourage myself or tell myself I'm awesome or whatever. WhenI get angry over stupid stuff I tell myself I'm worthless, stupid, pathetic, etc. That I'm not good enough, I'm always screwing things up and I shouldn't even bother trying to make it better because what's the point?I'm not suicidal. I haven't had a suicidal thought in ten years, not since I moved away from home. I had a really bad time back then with, well, it wasn't referred to as depression, but I had to take medication to help me cope. Until they made me stop feeling things and I quit them, and my GP left to go on maternity leave for several months and I hate HATE changing doctors. So I never went back and just dealt with it.Beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Guest_4721 Im wondering if I might have psychotic depression..
  • replies: 4

Sorry. I have severe depression and anhedonia, and anxiety. I'm currently undergoing ECT and an MAOI antidepressant for it (but the treatment's only been ongoing for less than a month, so improvements are negligible). I'm sorry. I really can't think.... View more

Sorry. I have severe depression and anhedonia, and anxiety. I'm currently undergoing ECT and an MAOI antidepressant for it (but the treatment's only been ongoing for less than a month, so improvements are negligible). I'm sorry. I really can't think. I made a list of things I've felt/thought that might seem strange to another person, even with clinical depression, then I trimmed it down a bit to just the things I just really can't rationalize..Sometimes, especially right after I mess up socially, I self-harm because I feel like an absolute worthless idiot who deserves to be hurt.I think, and am extremely uncomfortable with the idea that everyone just thinks I'm perfectly normal, and that I'm just a terrible, lazy, incredibly dull person. I'm always apologizing to sort-of communicate that this isn't a part of my personality, and that I really do hate how I am and how I think.I'm constantly internally (and sometimes whenI' m alone, externally) telling myself to shut up because I hate all my thoughts and can't stand listening to myself and how I think when I'm like this. I have a tendency to get disproportionately angry and stressed, to the point of violence and/or self-harm, for no real reason.I occasionally consider the possibility that my p-doc/s, and/or my family might be working towards making sure I never get better, like they might be spiking my food with something that causes severe depression, or they might be trying to prevent any chance I might have at remission/potentiation by maybe giving me placebos, or the food spiking, or something else. There've been times where I've put things on the inside of my door before I sleep, so I'll know if it's been opened, or discarded my food without anyone knowing, and even searched parts of my house for suspicious substances

Ems Hit rock bottom - need help
  • replies: 10

It has been a while since I’ve been on here. I have been struggling with things for a while now. Instead of getting better I seem to be getting worse - I feel like I have hit rock bottom now and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know I need hel... View more

It has been a while since I’ve been on here. I have been struggling with things for a while now. Instead of getting better I seem to be getting worse - I feel like I have hit rock bottom now and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know I need help and I have tried a couple of times but so far nothing seems to work. I am trying to deal with issues from my past that have come up again for me. It is so much harder than I thought it would be. I feel like I am desperate to get it all out sometimes and feel like I am going to explode keeping all these things inside. I have issues asking for or accepting help. I had it drilled into me over many years that asking for help or asking for it to stop/crying/getting upset etc just caused more pain and punishment. Now I have a lot of difficulty asking for help with personal issues. I have always been very independent and never needed help. Now I desperately need someone to help/talk to but I can’t seem to make myself do it because I know most people do not want to hear about these things and I feel awful putting that on someone. Rationally I know it is not helpful to not seek help but I can’t seem to get past the feeling that it is wrong, I don’t deserve help and shouldn't be dumping this on someone else. It just feels like everything is crashing down around me and I can’t stop it. I want to get back to normal, I’ve tried so many things on my own but am just running out of energy and ideas now. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Suffering_Anxiety_Samanth Minor Set-back
  • replies: 3

I never really know how to start these, but I find writing how I'm feeling on here generally helps. Diagnosed Anxiety, O.C.D and Depression, so I'm never really sure where to post, but I'll try here. I thought I was going so well with my recovery and... View more

I never really know how to start these, but I find writing how I'm feeling on here generally helps. Diagnosed Anxiety, O.C.D and Depression, so I'm never really sure where to post, but I'll try here. I thought I was going so well with my recovery and but I'm having quite the set back the past few weeks. The anxiety... the constant niggling thoughts, the nausea, the over-analysing, the inability to sit still, the bad dreams (and that's when I can manage to sleep). The depression is eating away at me lately. Full of doubts, the crying, the feel that my chest is physically aching, not wanting to do anything, struggling to leave my bed, the feel that I just want to sleep. My O.C.D. is getting worse too.. Constant tapping, everything in fives, needing to check doors even though I already know they're fine, weird patterns that I have to complete with my fingers before I can sleep... and just when I thought I was doing so well and was considering dropping my medication with my psychiatrist. The worst part? Usually with any set-backs, I know what's roughly caused it. But I have no idea this time, it just... came. And now I'm just so very tired.

Kiri19 I haven't felt happy in years
  • replies: 5

I've recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder in that order. I wasn't too surprised especially with the trouble they've caused me my whole life. My anxiety began when I w... View more

I've recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder in that order. I wasn't too surprised especially with the trouble they've caused me my whole life. My anxiety began when I was only 12 and in middle school. It was hard for me to get out of bed and even go to school because of it and because I forced myself to go every day I started feeling depressed every day. Then came high school and I did what I thought I would never do in my life. I dropped out. Now years past and I'm a social mess. I just turned 20 last month but feel like a child with no experience at all. I haven't gotten my license or can even drive because of my anxiety. Every time I get behind the wheel I hyperventilate and start panicking feeling like I'm going to crash. I don't know if I will ever be able to drive in my life because of this, and no medication seems to help with it either. I never got my GED because I just suck at math in general. I took the test and passed the writing section but not the math or science so I just gave up. My self esteem fell even lower when I found out I couldn't pass. It hurts to think about it.. Then to top it off my younger cousins who I am proud of, but sad to know that they all received scholarships and off to college while I'm at home all day wasting my life away. I'm a short female, I look extremely young for my age, some people comment that I look no older than 14 which also makes me feel even more like crap, to know I won't ever be taken serious because of my appearance. Right now I'm living with my fiancé who miraculously cares about someone like me. He takes care of me and I feel like I might need support for the rest of my life with how things are going for me right now. Medications don't help but make me feel tensed, and just emotionless. We even discussed getting married but what's the point? My family views me as an outcast, his family doesn't approve of me at all. I have no friends to invite and it's just horrible the way things have played out in my life. I did have a job for 7 whole months which is a record breaker for me, but then I quit because of my anxiety and depression overshadowing me again. I feel like I really need help or I won't ever be able to actually be happy without having to worry every day. Worrying I will never have a steady job and the income I need to survive without someone taking care of me. I'm just at loss and it's getting worse.