Is this as good as it gets?

[LyndaSZ]

I can't help thinking that 'what if it never gets any better than this?" I want to be the person I used to be so badly.  I have been like this for over two years and I don't like it.  But this might be a good day and I just don't realise it.  I don't want to live like this any more, I don't want to be sad, tired, grumpy, horrible any more.  I just want to lock myself away from the world and never come out again.  I want to be alone all the time and I hate it that the family wants my attention.  I feel so useless and anything I try I am sure to fail at because that's about all I do well, is fail.  Nothing excites me any more and I really don't want to even be here a lo of the time.  I am feeling so fed up and apathetic but this might just be as good as it gets for the rest of my days.

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[Neil_1]

Dear Lynda

Thank you so much for coming to Beyond Blue and providing your post.  You pose some interesting questions and questions that have been asked many times before;  by so many of us.

These feelings that you have and experience are the true crux of depression and how it just eats at us.

Then we experience the feelings of also wanting to be solo and have our own downtime and away from our family.  It doesn't make sense.  But then, does depression make sense?

Lynda, you've been battling for two years - may I ask if you've got any other support happening for you?  GP's, medication, other kinds of support??

I honestly don't know how to answer your question "will this be as good as it gets for the rest of your days"?   I so hope that it isn't true - I hope that in time, things will turn even a little bit.  I've just come back from a wonderful overseas holiday and though I experienced some shockingly low and bad times, I did also see and experience so much of another part of this world that made me realise that yes, you can go out and see other things that just make you go WOWEE, is this really real.

The unfortunate thing about doing something like that is that it costs an awful huge amount of money in order to be able to say 'wowee'.

We need to find some kind of solution in our own 'home lives' where we can 'wowee' on an even semi daily basis.

I do hope you can get back to us and thank you for posting once again.

Neil

[White_Rose]

Dear Lynda

Welcome to BB. I believe that the people who write here have so many skills to share with others that you cannot help but benefit.

I am having a down time at the moment and I am also asking the same questions as you. Is this as good as it gets, to quote the film title. I don't know and it worries me that the rest of my life will be spent struggling each day. Like you I want to be the person I was, the person I catch a glimpse of now and then. Sorry if I am adding to your depression. I know that it is all too easy to think of getting out of it permanently.  And I do think in this way.

So what keeps me here? The hope that something better is in the future; the knowledge that I am the only one who can change my life so I need to get on with it; the refusal to give anyone the chance to say "I knew she was a loser". I keep trying to make a difference in my life in the hope that I can make a difference in the lives of other people. Not necessarily here at BB but in other areas of life.

Other people's problems are no easier or worse than mine. They are different and everyone's coping strategies are different. If I can stand firm maybe I can give a hand to someone else. Maybe I'm just kidding myself because I often need help.

Neil's lovely reply says it all, but I would like to repeat his questions, "if you've got any other support happening for you?  GP's, medication, other kinds of support??" These are important and if you do not have these supports then I urge you go to your GP ASAP.

Please get back to us.

Regards

LING