Immense sadness

[Guest_42890481]

I’ve separated from my ex-husband for almost 3 years. I’ve struggled so much being a working single mum of 2. I feel exhausted mentally. I have no support, no friends, I’m not close with my parents. I feel sad and anxious most of the time. I feel lonely and depressed. One time I ran into an issue and I had no one to call, so I ended up calling my ex and I instantly regretted it. I hated myself for reaching out to him as I knew contacting him will only hurt me more. We strictly talk about the kids only. I want to heal so badly, I want to move on with my life and just be happy but I can’t. I don’t understand why I am still sad about my marriage ending even though it’s been 3 years and even though it was amicable (for the most part). I know he has moved on, but why can’t I. I have so much resentment towards him but I also hate myself for still letting him control my emotions. I don’t know what to do. Also being an immigrant, i never feel belonged here. Part of me wanted to escape but I can’t. My kids are the only things that keep me going. If I don’t keep myself busy with work or with the kids, I will drown into this deep dark hole and feel trapped. I tried therapy, that didn’t help. I also couldn’t keep spending money on therapy due to the expensive cost. I am so unhappy and I don’t know how and when or even if I will ever see the light at the end of the tunnel..

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Hello

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can see this would be very overwhelming and exhausting. 

It may be worth going to the GP to see if any medication could help with your mood and wellbeing (this has assisted me). Also, trying to ensure you can get sufficient rest (easier said than done) and some time being active and out in nature. Is there a neighbour, school mum or babysitter you could ask for help from when you need a break? Enrolling the kids in dance or sport is another way to get to know other parents. Could you join a fitness group or some other group to make friends?

Things will get easier as the kids get older. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. When times are hard, just take it one day at a time. Wishing you the best.

[randomxx]

Hi there op and v sorry about things going on.

lt all takes time there's no magic and l've always felt if forced that'll only bite you back later and l've seen it many times in divorces.

But you know what, l'd be proud if l was you that you haven't just blown all that off like so many seem to do, as if marriage was just nothing, like losing a job you had 12mths or something.

We broke up 13ish yrs ago now and it still hurts and still disappoints me to the core that we never worked out. But to me that just means l have depth and soul and real heart , it means when l love l love for real, it means l'm not part of this throw away world we seem to live in these days, and l'm proud of being who l am in this.

We've always been in touch riight through to for my daughter and parenting, haven't really talked about much else though. She remarried about 6yrs later and about the same time l was finally well kinda, ready to meet someone and l did . Sadly her new marriage didn't work out either, despite everything l wanted her to be happy, and unfortunately neither now has things with my new partner either.

But really nothing to do with any of that stuff, l still feel deeply sad and pain sometimes when l think about ex w and l just not working out.  She's so different now and although we're both single again, l couldn't go back she's just changed so much, and l doubt she could either, but it's still sad even after everything else.

So to me, your 3yrs, it isn't very long and l think it's all only makes you v human and with real soul depth and heart, and that makes you very very special in this day and age.

l don't think anyone l knew would even realize how deeply it effected me bc l put on the happy till you make it face l was too proud to show what it was really doing. But l was also hoping the happy till you make it might actually work to and it didn't kinda help to tbh.  It wasn't too much so or over the top like l've seen in some but l'd just try to appear ok and sorta normal to others, l don't know. 

l don't think it hurts to pick yourself up a little bit rather than allow yourself to drown in sorrow, it did help me but to me anyway, just don't kinda force it too hard,that's the thing that backfires. And re pick up one of those hobbies you've neglected all these yrs to, or do something you've put off for yrs, spoil yourself a bit, all that helped me.

Anyway, my 2 cents.

Hang in there

rx