Dear Phightingphan~
Well hello again, I've read though your past posts, even answered one when you were discouraged about art and have ended knowing three things, you are 16 year old young lady, you are terribly good at blaming yourself and seeing shortcomings in yourself, and you don't see any way out.
OK, so you think you are lazy not to have done school work and you are different and do not want to socialize, you imply that being in the world of games is not ideal and other matters too.
Suppose these are not shortcomings in you, what would that mean? I ask this because I too blamed myself for everything, lack of motivation, performance and not enjoying being with people. You have games to retreat to and I had books. I too thought it was me being lazy.
There was no end I could see to all this and I'd simply endured. Things got worse and I ended up suicidal. In the end I was so unhappy with my life, and could not change things be myself, that I sought out medical help.
Over time this was a life changer, I no longer had to cope by retreating into books and inactivity, I started to enjoy thngs, take satisfaction in what I could do, and got on a lot better with my family.
It took a fair bit or mental effort to take the first step and see my GP, but it ended up I had severe depression. Depression is a sneaky sort of disease and fills your mind with hopeless, self blaming thoughts, emphasizing all the things that could be wrong, discouraging action and filling the mind so full there is no room for anything else. -including other people.
Now I'm not a doctor so cannot say you have depression, I can say you sound like I was, very much like I was.
I do know you went to a counselor, but I suspect you did not fully open up because you did not want your parents to know what you said. That's natural, you can see this as a threat, even if they are reasonable loving people. That puts the breaks on and you end up doing nothing.
At 16 you are entitled to tell your GP not to tell your parents anything, the only exception being if the GP is convinced you are about to seriously hurt yourself or others. With any sensible GP they are not going to hit the panic button unless there is really good reason, and if they are half competent they will talk everything over with you before doing anything.
The other means of seeking assistance is the Kid's Help Line (1800 55 1800) who have an awful lot of expereice with the problems younger people have and be a real comfort and source of help. As they are so good they are popular and you may have to wait on the phone (watch tv or play a game while you are on hold). I do not suggest their WebChat even though it sounds an easier thing to do. You still have a long wait and you time with the councilor is less.
If I knew some sort of way I could have helped myself into a better world by myself I'd not recommend so strongly you get assistance, You say you love life, however it does not sound like it, and I really would like your life to be tons better.
You have always struck me as a worthwhile person, writing well, having intelligence and the ability to see things are wrong, with skill as is needed in ULTRAKILL and Phighting plus you are polite and thank people for talking with you here. You are worth a lot, even if you do not believe me at the moment.
Croix
