I wasted my life, and I have no hope (26)

[Luke514]

Hmm where to begin...I had some health issues growing up, I missed some school and I got teased a lot because it was hard to hide (though I was cured at 13) - my first year of high school was going ok, near the end I was bullied again and was socially ostracised, had a meltdown and left school. The first fatal mistake.

I lived (and still do, for the most part) in a semi rural area. I had no access to public transport for most of my life, I missed my 'work experience' years. No one will higher someone as old as me (26) without experience in anything. I've never gotten my licence (learners expired) and don't see how I'd ever own a car.

I still live with my parents and I don't see how that could ever change. I don't know what I'm going to do a decade from now because I don't want to be dependant forever.

3 years ago I did a diploma and started doing some freelance work from home, I make pocket change. My parents are constantly broke and I've never been able to save. I was on the dole for about 2 years and I was using that money to get out more, study, pay for driving lessons and get my life moving, now that's gone. As soon the required work for the dole started I shut down. The only thing I was offered was slave labor at an OP shop. I couldn't walk after 1 day of moving furniture/cleaning/on foot deliveries on my feet 6 hours straight, didn't want to deal with public transport in general [I even have anxiety just going somewhere by myself], so I gave up. Now I live on about $100 a week, and that's the past 3 years of my life. I'm mostly an introvert, I can't sell myself, I hate freelancing. I've really only kept steady work from some small agencies as a contractor so I didn't have to talk to anyone except my employer.

[blondguy]

Hi Luke'

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

I dont think you have wasted your life at all. You have completed a diploma thus increasing your life skills.

I was super shy in my early mid teens until I came across a best seller by Dale Carnegie, called 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' Its written in plain English and was a huge help with my shyness.

Im sorry that you were bullied at school and no one helped you. There are many people that leave school earlier than they wanted to but its not a fatal mistake. Its just life.

Even if you can manage to get yourself into retail would be a great start. I did at 17 and really brought me out of my shell and gave me buckets of confidence too!

I hope you have some success with building the road to your future. You are a proactive person by posting on here and that takes great strength.

I hope you can stick around the forums and let us know your thoughts Luke, even if you just want to chat we are here for you

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[james1]

Hey Luke,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting that wonderful but sad introduction. It sounds very difficult to be in your situation having tried to make something work for so long.

I don't have much to add because Paul gave some wonderful advice about just starting small with perhaps a retail job. I also think that by going for the diploma, you showed really great initiative.

I'm 25 now so I understand you might be feeling a lot of pressure from social expectations to have moved out and had a steady job etc. But the reality is so very different.

I have a friend who did a law degree, dropped out in the fifth and last year, then did a teaching degree - so she was 26 before she'd even considered doing work. She was stuck at home until then, then struggled to get a job in teaching, and ended up doing further study instead.

I have another friend who didn't do as well as they were expected to in high school, studied marine biology for a year then dropped out and worked at a rock climbing gym just cleaning and helping kids out with rock climbing for a few years until his dad dropped him a lifeline to work with him.

These are both people who had a very good education and access to support in the city, but, for whatever reason, things just didn't fall into place.

You have time ahead to find people who believe in you. A chat to a counsellor can often help to set you on a path because it sounds to me like you're a really proactive person but you're struggling because the flip of the coin hasn't landed right for you so far. But we create our own luck and you're doing everything right so far.

James

[Broken_Biscuit_Blues]

You are only twenty six you are a spring chicken in the broader scheme of things but life does pass by pretty quickly so it is time to start setting some realistic and achievable goals.

You mention you have a diploma, that should allow you to build towards some more weighty qualifications..Choose something you are interested in, if you are feeling unwell you are more likely to stick with it, indeed you might even find it gives you some relief.

.On the other hand if you are studying something just because you heard it pays well or the employment opportunities are good and also battling depression you will probably bomb out.

Studying something you are interested in will also connect you with people who have similar interests which will improve the probability of making a genuine friend or two, maybe even meeting a life partner.

[Christofff]

Hi Luke,

Sorry to hear that you feel this way. Sounds like yoiu are fighting a battle on multiple fronts. You may be battling depression / negative thoughts, and also battle to get a "life".

With the latter battle, there are few of us that can honestly say we live a full and rewarding life. So first of all can I humbly suggest you stop beating yourself up. I myself am 36 and I have wasted most of life so far! Doing drugs, alcohol, chasing girls instead of what I really want to chase to make myself happy. I don't work either and I have moved back in with my dad until I find a place. But the point is I am more mature now than I have ever been.

Regarding the first battle, against depression / negative thoughts. You can fight this battle in multiple enjoyable ways. Using diet, lifestyle, chat / support groups, eastern and western medicine (from a qualified practioner), nice hobbies which make you feel peaceful, such as regular walking in nature, yoga, tai chi, and of course counselling. You could even read books about some spiritual things, why not delve deeper into what makes you happy and what past spiritual masters have learnt?

I practice deep breathing, meditation and tai chi every day, its so great for being calm and distancing myself from my own stupid negative mind, but again that's just what works for me, you should chat with your GP first before trying these things.

So I won't go on about what you should chase to make you happy, how to get your life in gear, etc. etc. I think from what you have written, you are smart enough to do that if you want to. But please, remember, you are so important, your life is important, and your having gone through this and come out the other side, means you are better equipped to face challenges. It might not seem like it, but you are. And think ahead another 5 or 10 years. You will be even better equipped, even more sure of yourself. I know because it happened to me even though I wasted most of those years! So again, honor your life, give a try.

Oh and finally, don't forget if you are studying full-time, you will be eligible to receive centrelink benefits even if it is Austudy. Why not try a cheap and short tafe course with something you enjoy, such as Cooking / Hospitality / IT, and also receive centrelink at the same time? Then, you will be more qualified to work if that's what you want.

Good luck Luke!

Regards

Christoff

[Spearmint]

It's easy for us all to compare ourselves to where other people are in their lives but in reality, everyone lives their life at a different pace. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel disempowered. There are people of all ages whose circumstances vary greatly all over the spectrum.

You are still young, still have your whole life ahead of you to create what it is that you desire. We are fortunate enough to live in a country where there is a cornucopia of opportunity to change our circumstances compared to some other countries. Things that we take for granted are actually incredible gifts. Speaking English as it is such a huge language in the world, the ability to read & write, internet, freedom, healthcare, welfare, peace, transport & other public services, etc.

Figuring out what it is that you want & then breaking it down into small steps where you can start taking any sort of action will help get the ball rolling.

I think you should be able to get back onto centrelink which will help give you a bit extra financial help. If you talk to your doctor about your depression & anxiety, they can give you a medical certificate that will give you an exemption from looking for work for an amount of time.

Maybe working for the dole isn't a bad thing, it can help give you experience & confidence that could lead to other opportunities. If you talk to them about finding other types of work for the dole that would be a better match for you & your anxiety.

I am also an introvert & have suffered on & off with anxiety. I find that when I am talking to people, the more I keep thinking about my anxiety, the more i feel crippled by it & it becomes self fulfilling. If I start replacing my self talk from "I am socially awkward and anxious" to "I am confident and comfortable in social situations" I start to relax a bit.

I also find when I am feeling anxious there is this feeling as though I am up on stage and everyone is staring at me and I feel extremely uncomfortable. In reality, people are generally too consumed with their own lives & thoughts to pay much attention to what I am doing. Reminding myself of that also helps.

As comfortable as isolating yourself is when you are an anxious introvert, the worse it makes it. I find I gain confidence the more I am in contact with people as long as they aren't nasty or condescending. Pushing yourself past those comfort zones can be difficult, I am so very sorry that you were bullied, school can be so tough.

[Christofff]

Also,

keep in mind your thoughts. Its very easy to think negative thoughts without much money / driver's license. Your mind wants to think negative thoughts because of how you feel, but that's not really who you are. You are more than just your mind. In fact, it is even possible to change your mindset from positive, to negative.

You must do your best to cast aside those thoughts that because you don't have a license / didn't finish school, that you don't have what it takes, that's rubbish. Actually getting a license is very easy. But more importantly, it is what has happened. One way to improve your mindset is to compare your situation to the situation of others. Although you are struggling financially and possbily health-wise too, you have many great things going for you, and you need to recognise this. You are not being abused. Your family, though struggling, sound like kind parents and they support you. You do not live in a third-world or war-torn country. (I have been to Kuala Lumpur - even that it is not third-world, but it was eye-opening how some people survive there, their living conditions, the smell on the streets, etc.)

In fact Australia is one of the most free and relaxed countries in the world! In addition, you are young, intelligent, and have the abililty to reflect on things which means you can have insight to help yourself and others!

Of course this does not mean your situation is not difficult nor how you feel is not painful. The fact that you are young means you should have enough energy to do most things, how are you sleeping? Do you feel refreshed from your sleep in the morning? There are a number of fun things you can do improve your living / sleeping environment if not. If you sleep well, unless you have a serious health problem (which you would know by now since i'm guessing you've contacted your GP already?), you will have sufficient energy to have a fruitful day withouth feeling exhausted.