I turned 30 today...and...

[rmw]

...and the heaviness appeared. I went to a doctor to get a form filled, yet we spoke of my depression. Well, I spoke of it. I don't feel 30. I don't feel anything really apart from a mixture of failure, decay, instability, worthlessness, irrelevance...list goes on. I've had severe depression since I was young. Diagnosed at 15. My mother doesn't comprehend due to inability or denial. Perhaps doubt. But I am not vain. Not shallow. I'm intelligent. I'm an uncertified psychologist. I'm a mother myself. I KNOW what's wrong with my head. I have all the leads. And when I tell them, I am just another headcase to people. To my mother. More than want, I actually MUST be understood here. It's critical for my sanity. Why cannot people, including doctors, take heed of a persons vulnerability and cries for help? Are they scared? Scared to delve into the darkness with me, or others who have depression? How selfish. Isn't it? I only live for my son. He's everything to me. My little angel. Do I continue to make my mother "get it" and accept me? Or should I stop and therefore forfeit the minimal control I might have in life; forcing her to understand and accept her eldest has it hard thus providing some sort of relief for myself. Depression is thoroughly lonely. Help. 

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[white knight]

Hi RMW

I've come to the realisation that some people dont have the capacity to understand mental illness. Why?

Well, our illnesses are not in their face, within eyesight range, ...out of sight out of mind???  We with the illness plee to them at times and compare physical illness with mental illness in terms of being treated the same. When someone has a hidden physical restriction for example a bad knee and we are awar eof it, we migth forget about it until he/she tries to climb stairs when they have lots of trouble and its obvious...then we remember "oh, he has that bad knee" and we can lend a hand.

But mental illness isnt like that.

Then we have the generation gap. Parents of say a 25yo person are about 45-50yo now. They themselves had parents that are now say 75yo. These grandparents grew up as teens around 1960. Guess what? around 1960 and before that time anyone mentally ill was kept away from view of society, treated appaulingly with experimental methods and shamed.

I'm 59yo. I can recall a classmate in 1969 having a fit in class. He was taken to sickbay. All us kids laughed at him....he was a "spastic" and named that way by us. We were naive, cruel and bullies.

Society therefore will take another generation or two before we begin to stop discriminating against the mentally ill. When the older generation now have died off. But lets not blame them too much. They themselves are a product of their own parents generation and so on the traditions went.

So in terms of your mum, she may not have that capacity to understand, might not have the ability to accept that her child is mentally ill and might have inner shame that was planted there from her own upbringing. Do you understand this?

So what can you do? Well, this topic for you is one whereby you need to carry this burden yourself, investigate it as best you can and pursue any action to help youself. The first step has already been taken- to write here. Actions like proper diagnosis, medication and actions to help yourself like change of work/education/career/environment etc can help to.

Being a parent in denial or not having the capacity to acknowledge your illness isnt ideal for you the sufferer but it doesnt mean they dont love you. Parents are not perfect, as we are not. Try to accept that.

Continue to read up on the many threads here.

Tony WK

[Nickname_B5EED40E-7382-45]

I think the reality is that "No-one" that has not lived with depression or anxiety can comprehend the severity of the symptoms experienced. I find that these days  I frequent places and people that have lived through the depressive illness. I know they can relate to what I am talking about and it helps me more to be understood.

I can not see how anyone could possibly understand unless they have in fact experienced this illness.

The word "Anxiety" to me sounds so insignificant, and also "Agitated depression" but these words do not convey the literal torment that many suffer. Maybe better words are needed to describe these illnesses.

[Jacko777]

Hi rmw,

Tony WK has nailed it. 

You don't want to wait for your mum, what if she never gets it? I think yes, most people have a fear of the unknown, avoidance and denial are there defense. 

Try and think of your mum as a person, not your mother, have compassion for the person who, like all of us, is not perfect. I don't have to worry about trying to get understanding from my mum, she died when I was two. Love your mum while you can. You know that we care about your condition here and you can talk to us anytime, we understand what it is like and we care that you feel better. Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you have a wonderful year full of happiness, love and challenges. Love to you.

Jack