i no longer feel alive

[maxation]

Hi.im Snagz. This is my first post. Hope i dont bring you down. Ive had depression since i was 16. I was diagnosed with personality disoder but it was only there when my anxiety.level was extreme. Now.my depression is so bad.i am numb all the time

I mean i feel numb.my eyes skin

Inside my throught. I have the most disturbing nighmares. And wake up with jolts that can.make me too scared to try sleeping

.i lost my sister to lung cancer.also four other family.members went. Sicknesses.. then i had at least two life threatening illnesses. Yeah.i get anxiety. I get sleeplessness. Terrible thoughts. I dont relate to.people anymore. Its like they are in.my way. I get extremely angry. I walk out on doctors.and in therapy. So im a very lonely guy. I even saw what apeared to be ghosts .at my previous address so i.left. i try to put it in.my music .as i write songs and do abstract art. People dont see or hear my story. HELP.

[blondguy]

Hi Snagz

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

youve been through one hell of a bad period Snags. I am sorry for the loss of your sister and the four other family members. I really cant even start to imagine what you have been going through.

Your numbness, nightmares dark thoughts and anger do ring all the bells where depression is concerned Snagz

I have had acute anxiety followed by depression since 1983 and our brain can make our lives a misery when its crook and suffering. The loneliness unfortunately comes along as people dont really understand what we are going through.

Well done to you for having the rare ability to write songs and do abstract art as well. I wish.

The doctors and therapists can be hard work initially but they are there to ask questions that are uncomfortable only to then provide with the building blocks on which you can have some recovery or peace.

you are not on your own here Snagz.It would be great if you could post back when you are up to it.

my kind thoughts

Paul

[maxation]

Thanks for the reply.. every day my anger grows.towards queensland housing for taking so long with my aplication. With the Prince charles hospital for stuffing me around.with my.mother for rambling on about her pathetic life instead of being genuinely concerned about me. With my last psychologist for leting other staff members.barge in during my session. And thats just a start... im getting very tired.

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

I feel I know that tired feeling so intimately. It's hard to face each day.

And the government housing stuff is awful to go through, all red tape with little empathy and such long waiting lists.

I've had some issues with psychologists, and didn't feel able to tell them to their face, so I wrote an email and sent explaining why I wasn't coming back. Writing a letter like that, even if you don't send it might help.
I'd tell future psychologists that you require private and uninterrupted sessions during first meeting.